What is your middle age like compared to expectations of it when you were a kid?

[Echobelly]

I'm 47 now. I think when I was under 18 the general idea of middle age was sensible clothes, grey hair (women's always short), definitely no clubbing or watching rock bands live, probably having teenage kids, owning a house. I knew the sensible clothes things was't necessarily true, as my mum always had interesting and unconventional hair and clothes.

I think the going out thing has changed a lot as people have spent more time doing things like clubbing and going to gigs before they 'settled down', so they become a big part of your life, they're not just a thing you do for a bit while you're young and then stop. Also more people being single and not having kids and you're more likely to have friends who never stopped going out. Not that it's a massive part of our lives, and certainly dialed right down during our 30s when kids were younger, but we're rediscovering going out a bit more now our kids and our friends' are older and we're not just doing 'grown up' things.

It's funny how our generation is still wearing stuff that signifies the pop culture of our youth - at a friends' party at the weekend and spotted a Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy bag and a Ghostbusters hoodie (and funnily enough, someone's teen in a Ghostbusters t-shirt). You can't imagine our parents going around in their 40s in Lone Range t-shirts and Muffin the Mule bags or something.

We do own a house, but we are pretty lucky, especially in terms of not having a mortgage any more. My mum had 3 teens by the time she was 40, I was at the stage of having two teens at 46, and that's relatively young by my peers' standards.

👌 You sound like you have a very cool , fulfilling life PP , you sound very happy 😊 🥰

I had zero anticipation of middle age when I was young. In my twenties I thought 30 was old. By 40 with DH, DC, house etc, I remember thinking the age at which we'd pay off the mortgage and Dc were adults was so far away as to be unimaginable. It's only right now occurred to me that the reason I am not finding this period of life very easy is because I had no sense of it at all.

I thought I could eat what I wanted when I wanted, and this is true. Also watching TV or buying books/records/tapes more or less at will, which I can do, but don’t

I had no idea so much life admin was involved as a teen, though a few unhappy years has got on top of that

I think I'd be really pleased with how a lot of stuff went, home, family, stability, travelling - oh, and my health, there's been a lot of progress on medicines for my chronic illness.

I'd be a bit disparaging about my waistline but then I had absorbed a lot of body shame from the women in my family that took years to outrun.

I'm 47, I didn't think I would feel so young at this age. My mum seemed to be middle-aged from about 35. I feel like my 30s were given over to being a mum, but now my 40s are like my twenties. Currently wearing tiny shorts and a vest, just got a septum piercing, my first tattoo was a couple of years ago (with my mum STILL saying "you'll regret it when you're older"). Some my age seem to act older than me, and I have a 29yo DP which may keep me young too! But I've been a sensible adult and all that, and I've finished paying off my mortgage early. I just have no intention to get old. Thankfully I'm in good health too.

@lilkitten - that's a good point, maybe I feel better than I expected now I'm free from the 'young kids' stage I was in during 30s. There's something physically as well as mentally liberating about it.

I barely thought about adult life, as a child and middle age was way beyond my comprehension!

My life was mapped out for me, as a child - grammar school, university and a profession. Nobody asked if that was what I wanted. I would never have thought in a million years, I’d end up in the profession I did; because maths was one of my worst subjects at school, along with physics. Luckily, I was in the second set at school and I had to do additional maths O level, so I understood calculus. We had to use it for our professional exams, although we never use it in practice!

DH and I still dress like we did at university - jeans and trainers. I still listen to the same music, with some later additions of my favourite songs by contemporary artists. I used to read 4 novels a week; whereas now I am lucky to read one novel a year - my concentration seems to have gone, and I flick through magazines at best.

Our parents seemed to slow down as they got older, and had no comprehension of how fast our lives were. I feel I have got much sharper with age, because we have to spend some time, having legal arguments with various public sector bodies, over disabled DDs - as they invariably want to get away with doing as little as possible, and everything with them is an uphill battle.

While growing up, I read all my grandfather’s medical textbooks; and I am grateful for that, plus there were lots of family stories about patients, post mortems, etc. My grandfather was a pathologist and my great grandfather was a police surgeon - given the amount of medical research articles, we now read on DDs’ health conditions! DD1 is 1 in 519 million. The only way to learn about her is to read the literature. Her consultants have to read the same literature, as they don’t know much either.

The mortgage is paid off, and all three DC have left home, although we see them regularly. We are semi-retired and get the state pension. DH works part time and I do a few hours work every week. The rest of the time, when not helping DC and DGC out, we do whatever we want.

My parents were both quite young looking and also young in their outlook (dad always had the latest technology and knew better than I did what was No.1 in the music charts). So at 53, I still feel the same as I did at 30. Until it comes to gardening or bending down to take off my shoes... then I know my body has aged!

I thought that I would morph into my parents but I haven't.
I'm early 60s and still wear similar clothes that I was wearing in my 40s.
I exercise more than my parents did too as I'm trying to maintain my fitness.

When my mum was my age (48) my siblings and I were at university. My DC is only 12! I remember my mum's 50th which was a super conservative affair at a local hall with sedate people eating a meal and chatting. They felt absolutely ancient to me. I'm still going to gigs and festivals and getting new tattoos . All my friends now turning 50 are either going clubbing or running a triathlon through a desert or something.

Yeah, 50th birthday parties among our mates are liable to feature someone DJing to what I officially call 'old people music' (aka classic rave and techno).

It's also interesting that I think it's more common now for middle aged parents and teens to like the same music and to go to gigs together, it's not cringey to be into the same stuff as your folks. Maybe because our kids don't seem to have music scenes as much as well did with their own places and fashions.

One thing that hasn’t changed since our parents time is health problems sadly.
However cancer treatments are advancing and survival is improving.
Joint replacements are better and lasting longer.
We’re embracing the menopause better and safer more ethical HRT is more readily available.

My Mother was full of enthusiasm for life till she slipped off this mortal coil in her mid nineties. She was very disabled for the last 4 years of her life but still apparently managed to flirt aged 90 at the ballet my sister took her to. A man took her arm as she struggled with her stick on the stairs and declared how ‘such a precious flower could not be allowed to slip’ she had been a professional dancer when young and did some modelling and acting. She of course lapped this up. She always dressed beautifully and was an amazing wit, she outlived all her 4 husbands. She divorced 2 who annoyed her in the 1950’s and 1960’s which was virtually unheard of back then and the other 2 died. She was the definition of a Merry Widow and one of the most interesting people I have ever met. She was never old, it was just her body that let her down. She had 5 daughters and we are all but pale imitations of our Mother.

She raised us in a sort of bohemian atmosphere. We were poor but it was all very interesting. She would glide around in lacy dressing gowns quoting Shakespeare and enjoying mentally outwitting any man she met. When my Father who was the last husband alive died she declared, she had outlived them all and was mighty triumphant. She both adored and loathed men. God I miss her, she was slightly crackers really but in an interesting way.

I do enjoy the game of mentally outwitting men and can quote Shakespeare but no gliding about in lacy dressing gowns.

No, haven't become my parents, thank God. Infact, I've done everything very differently.

Chose a DH who makes me very happy. Live an affluent lifestyle with the mortgage paid off. Have a healthy relationship with my DDs. Work hard at fostering a good relationship with DD's partner. Have a strong, inner circle of girlfriends who I have never bickered with.

Probably why I'm so much happier than my Mum.

I think that part of the reason why middle age differs from previous generations is that there are so many treatments which can keep us looking younger and therefore we don’t see ourselves as middle aged
When I was young getting your nails and eyelashes done in a salon was unheard of .
There wasn’t Botox, lip fillers , veneers etc.
In addition , we now have social media where there seems to be an obsession with celebrity
which further fuels interest in physical appearance.

She sounds fantastic

I want to be your mum when I grow up 😍

SPF counts for a lot as well in terms of looking young, though at the end of the day I'm pretty convinced that no one can see 'fine lines' anyway, what you can see is the deeper lines around your forehead, mouth and nose that develop in mid 40s and what have finally started making me 'look my age'. I guess tweakments can help with those but they don't bother me and I have no reason to 'look young' right now.