Conference etiquette?

[Worketiquette]

NC for this.

Myself and colleagues are contracted to WFH, but attend an annual conference. Generally, my colleagues head home each day, whereas I stay in a hotel due to distance.

I'm not junior, but the others at the hotel are the CEO, partners, external clients and other very senior people. Most of the hotel group go for drinks and a meal after each conference day.

I'm fine socialising, but equally happy getting dinner and relaxing in my room. Last year, someone also at the hotel messaged to ask if I wanted to come to the meal. I made a polite excuse and declined (because I was already showered and in my PJ's).

Am I rude to not join in, or its fine not too? Also, at breakfast at the hotel, if they are already there, should I try to join the table or sit elsewhere. I realise these are trivial things, but peri has kicked in and I've been doubting my reasoning lately. Thanks.

Absolutely fine not to join in after-hours activities. If you're worried about offending I'd invent a friend or relative who happens to live locally who I was off to meet up with.

I would join them if they are at breakfast, it's what I do. I'd also try and attend one of the socials in the evening too, if you feel up to it, conferences are all about networking! When else do you get to spend time with people as senior?

Oh goodness!

You describe yourself as peri-menopausal; that is - a mature adult. And you’ve attended this conference more than once? And you’re not junior?

Why are you not grasping the opportunity to hang out with your more senior colleagues? You’re a grown up, not the teen post boy or a twenty year old intern. From the outside I honestly cannot see why they would resent your presence at a couple of dinners. I completely understand, truly - but you are a person to be respected within your organisation, and I’d be astonished if they weren’t respectful towards you, given the chance.

The main reason to go to conferences is the stuff that happens in the margins - over coffee breaks, lunches, drinks, dinner. It’s totally fine not to do these things if you don’t want to but it’s also a great opportunity from a career perspective

I wouldn't join them for dinner or drinks either, I think that's fair enough after a busy day if you just want to relax.
At breakfast I might join though, if convenient to do so (i.e. went down for breakfast at the same time and there was space at a table).

I think it just depends whether you are happy staying where you are on the career ladder or not?

Informal contact makes a big difference.

But it's fine to be quite happy not to progress further

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I'm not looking to climb any ladder now and a compromise I plan is having a few drinks with them, and heading off before a meal- unless its all going well and I will stay.

@WTHJH Why are you not grasping the opportunity to hang out with your more senior colleagues?

I was previously a director at another company and although happy to have drinks with more junior colleagues, I also appreciated spending time with colleagues at my own level. Just because I need to stay at the same hotel, shouldn't mean I must socialise with them!

So you have your answer then? I’d sit with them at breakfast if there was a space, I’d also socialise in the evening but you don’t want to

If you walk up To the breakfast table and greet them, they’ll probably suggest you join them.

Not specifically that I wouldn't want to socialise with seniors. More that I recall being in a senior position and appreciating the time I could spend with colleagues at my own level and not having to watch what I said with junior staff.

But they have the rest of the year to speak to each other …

I think you have now explained your difficulty.

🤷‍♀️

Avoid dinner if you don’t fancy it but I think you should spend some time with them at the conference and choose seats next to them.