My close relative's disregard for her own health

[DaniGreen]

Hi,

Forums can be such a useful thing!

I'm posting here, because I've got a close relative (baby boomer generation), who I've recently noticed is very neglectful when it comes to her own health:

• There's strong evidence that a local steel factory nearby her home is causing serious air pollution (people noticing black sediment on their window sills and cars, also very small metal particles etc.) and things like this can cause serious illnesses (cancer, lung disease, stroke, heart disease etc.). I mentioned this to her, along with a news article that reported about this and strongly suggested to her that she has an air filtration system installed, instead of airing her flat via the windows, yet she's refusing and doesn't seem to consider this as a big issue at all. She can easily afford the filtration system.
• She's cooking on gas, and is refusing to have a fire alarm installed, despite me offering to come and install it for her. I sent her several articles reporting on people saved by a fire alarm to demonstrate their effectiveness. After a lot of nagging I somehow managed to have her install at least a CO alarm.
• She also cooks with a teflon coated pan, and is using steel utensils when taking the food out of it. Multiple times, I've warned her that this is dangerous, since damaged teflon can leak into food and is toxic and urged her to use plastic or wooden utensils, yet she doesn't see this as an issue either.

There are also other things like her propensity to consume unhealthy food etc.

She's also quite stingy when it comes to all kinds of things, and is focused solely on the price, almost completely neglecting the health impacts (e.g. cooking on gas vs electricity).
She has also several times mentioned that if she ever gets seriously ill, as in a chronic illness, she wouldn't want to be a burden to her close ones.

I consider all of this to be very worrying signs that she values her own health very little. Given that my recommendations, backed up by health science, aren't really working, I'm wondering what are some other ways to get her to value her own health more?

Greatly appreciate any advice here!

Dani

You can’t. She’s of sound mind and an adult. She can make her own mind up if she wants to make changes or not.

Honestly? You sound like something of a busybody and she's a grown adult who is choosing not to follow your unsolicited advice.

You sound a bit controlling. If your elderly relative has managed to get elderly then they’ve probably been doing something right. Leave off the nagging, or perhaps choose a single topic rather than picking at everything.

I thought this was going to be someone ignoring blatantly obvious symptoms of serious illness or something, not a capable adult making choices you don't agree with TBH. Of all you're saying I might insist on the fire alarm, but the others fall into the realm of none your business

You sound completely mad

You sound a bit barmy Op. Leave her alone, she’s perfectly happy living how she wants to.

Jeez, you sound like a nightmare - mind your own business!

Other than a smoke detector, which everyone should have whether they cook on gas or not, the rest is nothing to do with you! Do you have health anxiety or something?

You sound bonkers.

Well, she's made it this far without your interference @DaniGreen

You sound very controlling and frankly rather over the top about much of the stuff you mention, which will make any genuinely helpful suggestions (eg smoke alarms) be ignored.

The only thing on your list I agree with is hav8ng a smoke alarm fitted. Everything else sounds like you have health anxiety rather than her being unconcerned about her health.

Am so confused by this thread! Cooking on gas is a health risk? Teflon utensils are toxic?
@DaniGreen do you believe in chemtrails?

She sounds fine, you sound paranoid.

I’m not going to be mean, you sound genuinely very sweet and caring but also quite naive or anxious.

People do things every day that aren’t in their own best interests, alcohol, junk food, cigarettes, extreme sports, hoarding, drugs, driving too fast, risky sex etc. Not using a plastic spoon on a non stick pan, unfiltered air and not having a fire alarm are not all that bad in the grand scheme of things. You can’t worry about everyone that doesn’t live the same way you do, people survive much worse all the time.

Do you have POA for this relative and if so why?
If not, it isn't your concern really.

So she just wants to cook on her existing hob, use her existing utensils in her existing non-stick pan, not have to give a smoke detector a whack with the broom and open a window to let in the air she'll be breathing in any event when she goes to the shops if she burns some toast?

But you want her to pay out for the hob/cooker being removed and disposed of, a new hob/cooker, electrical work and installation, chuck her pots, pans and utensils away and seal herself in with an expensive filtration system that'll do sod all whenever she needs to leave the sealed box you want her to live in?

Cooking on gas is a health risk? Teflon utensils are toxic?

If you have gas appliances then you should have a carbon monoxide alarm.

Teflon pans release toxic fumes if over-heated or scratched. Using metal implements on a non-stick pan scratches the surface. (If you have birds, you should ideally replace your non-stick pans because they give off fumes that are toxic to birds - birds' lungs are more efficient than humans so they are affected more quickly.)

Leave the poor woman alone!

I'm surprised she spends any time with you tbh, I would be fed up with the nagging and avoid you and your anxious tendencies, it must be very tedious.

Seriously?
I just about scrape into the boomer category and if you were my relative I'd tell you where to get off.
I've got a gas hob and Teflon pans and some metal utensils. I've also got plastic utensils, some of which have melted slightly with the pan heat. I feel sure the melting plastic gives off toxic fumes too.
I do have working smoke alarms and a CO2 monitor - although not in the kitchen.
I was brought up in an age where everyone smoked indoors, including my parents. An evening out in a pub left you breathing in smoke and your clothes stinking of it. And our schools were full of asbestos. I'm sure your relative has been exposed to many toxic substances in their time so is unlikely to be worrying about Teflon pans and gas hobs.

She's cooking on gas, and is refusing to have a fire alarm installed

There is no connection between these two things.

Do you mean a smoke alarm? Or heat alarm? Everyone should have a smoke alarm even if they live on raw food or takeaways.

And the other things you mention - just leave the poor woman alone.

I’ve just read your other thread where the answers were the same as here.

It’s okay to call her your mum, you don’t have to say ‘my close relative’.

I wouldn’t want to be a burden either OP, doesn’t mean I have no regard for my health. Leave her alone and perhaps seek support for your anxiety.