anyone else just feel like they’re doing everything badly??

[MumOfManyMoods85]

not sure if this is a rant or what tbh but i just feel like i’m failing at literally everything atm. house is a tip, kids constantly fighting or needing something, school on my back about attendance, toddler not sleeping, no food in, partner’s disappeared again and i’ve not had a shower in 3 days

i’ve tried to keep on top of stuff but it’s like as soon as i do one thing 5 other things go wrong. forgot to send pe kit for yr3 so got a note home. forgot to sign a form for the 5yo’s trip and now he can’t go. the teen is ignoring me and said i’m “clueless” and honestly he’s prob right

i keep thinking other mums are managing better and i’m just crap. i love my kids but i feel like i’m not good enough for them. just wondered if anyone else feels like this or if it’s just me being dramatic x

Have you got 4 DC?

It's really hard and there are lots of needs to juggle there
You can't do everything for everyone all the time.

You are juggling too much and some of that is important and will?break irreperably if dropped.(Glass) Some of it will bounce and you'll have another chance to juggle it later.(Rubber) Some of it is plastic and will just roll away and not matter.

What are the glass balls you're juggling? The ones that really cannot be left to drop. Note: these might not ALL be child related. Not all important things are kid related and not all kid related things are important.

What's rubber? What will be ok if left for now or be something you can pick up and continue with in 5 weeks or 5 years time?

And what doesn't really matter?

Within these categories you then outsource what you can with your current finances and support network.

What do you mean your partner has disappeared, where is he? Looking after one child is a two person job, never mind four! The teen should be helping you out instead of criticising. You need to work out what is critical and leave the rest.

You're doing a lot better than I would in the circumstances.

Put rocket under that bloke, wherever he is.

Priorities - decide what come first - but:

1. shower - make older kids look after younger kids while you do. Day 1, long shower - going forward quicker showers with kids helping and if necessary kids in the shower with you

2. kids attendance at school- get them there unless massive issues, keeps schools off your back but also gives you back time for you and younger kids - pe kit - send in their bag every day so its always there. Get a family calendar on the wall and as soon as trip info / parents evening / deadlines are sent out write it on (also put in phone calendar)

3. house - a job or two a day will get you back on top of it but as long as your not living in filth don’t worry, keep on top of the basics, it is what it is.

4. Partner - get rid. Unless theres a back story tell him to sling his hook. You don't need the uncertainty.

its not easy, life his hard without troubles but you can do it!

Put on your own oxygen mask first - put the kids in front of the tv and have a shower. Then over a cup of tea write down what you need to do and organise when. I loved the glass plastic rubber ball analogy above. Prioritise and take small steps. They all add up. Life with children is never perfect so don’t aim there!!

What's making you forget all these things? What is stopping you from having a shower? Why are the school on your back about attendance? Why is there no food in the house?

I feel like there might be something you've not mentioned here - you have a chronic illness/disability/are neurodiverse or you're trying to work full time and do everything round the house while your partner does bugger all.

I would start by having a calendar hanging up somewhere so you can write down all the kids things that you need to remember and that you can check each day. I would say clear out any clutter to the charity shop. Split the house into 5 or 7 sections and then clean/tidy each section once a week. Make getting the kids to school your no 1 priority, their education is more important than anything, don't let them stay home for minor things - keep some Calpol around and send them in.

I would say your issues OP sound very typical of poor executive function. Poor executive function is often found in people who are neurodiverse. Just a thought.

OP I feel you, I also have 4 DC, 5th on the way and eldest is 8, DP currently doesn’t live with us. It’s a shit show half the time and feels like I’m never on top of everything and always dropping balls, I get very stressed about it at times but then I just think half of this stuff doesn’t matter, like pp’s have said, prioritise and forget the rest for now - as long as your kids are happy and healthy that’s okay.

I have ADHD, is this something you’ve ever thought about for yourself? Even if not, look into the coping mechanisms for it - it might help to organise your brain a bit.

practicality wise, number one rule is don’t put anything off, ever. Do it straight away. Kid comes home with a form for a trip? Sign it straight away and put it back in their bag. A job needs doing in the house? Do it straight away, as soon as I put something off it’s like it doesn’t exist to me any more so never gets done.

get a routine in place, get a family calendar/notice board and set up a chores rota, even for the little ones. My 3 year old helps out with chores along with the older ones - you cannot and should not be expected to keep on top of the mess of 5 people without them helping.

meal plan and then do an online shop either for delivery or click and collect, yes this costs a little bit more but I’d rather sacrifice a snack or unnecessary food item than go shopping with 4 kids. This way you only have to do little top ups in the week so there’s usually always food in.

kids fighting - this one I can’t really help with, mine fight CONSTANTLY. I use time out, separate them and take away toys/playtime if it continues. Most of all I try to teach them to respect each other (easier said than done) but I’ve come to the conclusion that 4 siblings in the house together will fight and argue, it’s part of having a big family!

showers - I shower every other day, sometimes every 3 days i’m not gonna lie. I wash my hair once a week. It is what it is - some dry shampoo and a good deodorant work wonders!

most importantly - breathe OP. It’s hard, and that’s okay. You’re doing your best and by the simple fact that you’re worrying you’re not doing enough, shows that you ARE enough and you ARE a good mom. You’re not alone

Are you getting up on time each day, like 6,30/7 let's say? That's when you take a shower quickly and ignore everything else until that's done. It takes ten minutes. Then you are ready and dressed to make breakfast for you and the kids. Same in the evening. Do you go through their bags at say 8pm or if you pick them up from school, as soon as they get home from school? Checking they have what they need for the next day? You need routine. It's not ok that your partner disappears, what's that all about?