I have name changed and posting here because I’m pretty upset with my dad at the moment.
I’m going to start with a list of what his partner has done over the years.
Kicked off at my nans funeral because my mum went in the main car with us kids. She had only been with my dad for about 2-3 months at this point. My mum and dad were married 25 years. My mum took my dad’s place in the car.
She challenged my mum over this.
My dad kept my nans dog, as per her wishes, and dad’s partner hated this dog. She said the dog was vicious, for context he was a Chinese crest, I think that’s what they’re called. She kicked the dog at one point while she was drunk. The dog really didn’t like her. The dog was put to sleep a couple of years ago, I’m not really sure of why, he wasn’t poorly, I think just in the way.
Made my dad get rid of his caravan so he had nowhere to go whenever she decided to kick him out of her house.
Told my dad he should have nothing to do with my siblings because they aren’t his real children.
Told my mum not to speak to my dad again unless it was to do with me. I am a grown adult so I don’t think they’d even have anything to speak about regarding myself.
My dad spent most of his inheritance doing her house up, we’re talking thousands and thousands, which she then sold, moved into another house with my dad which my dad has no kind of claim whatsoever on. She’s told my dad he can stay there with a lifetime interest if she dies before him, which is unlikely.
One night I had a phonecall, it was Father’s Day and that day I was unwell so I didn’t end up inviting them round for a roast dinner that I had initially said I would. They were both drunk, and my dad was telling me he was angry because his partner had been bad mouthing me all day for not making this dinner, that I was a terrible daughter and didn’t care about him.
(After this they decided to stop drinking and haven’t since)
I also didn’t speak to her for a couple of years after this as I’d just had enough of the drama.
This stuff is just off the top of my head and what I’m aware of.
The newest thing is my dad sadly lost 2 of his brothers within a couple of months of each other. One of the brothers was a lifelong alcoholic. My dad’s other brother asked my dad if he would contribute to the funeral, at this point my dad’s partner jumped in and said they had no money. Emotions were running high and she was told to shut the fuck up because it was none of her business, she wasn’t being asked, which I agree it wasn’t her place and she should’ve kept quiet. His partner said it’s basically his own fault for not saving for his own funeral and he can have a “pauper’s funeral”
Since then my dad has disowned his other brother, they saw each other at the funerals and didn’t speak.
They came to visit the other day, and I’ve tried to get my dad to see reason, that this is his only brother left now, life is too short and they need to speak again. I told him he should have his own mind and make the decisions he thinks is best for him.
His partner flipped out and said I was attacking her, I wasn’t confrontational in anyway, I was just being very factual and not beating around the bush. She was really really angry so I said she could leave if she wanted too, so she did, whilst on the way out she told me what a shit daughter I am, that I never got my dad a Christmas present (I also never got my mum a Christmas present because money was tight last year with the kids to buy for too) and that my dad makes all the effort. I didn’t retaliate and just said okay, they left and that was that.
Since this when I’ve messaged my dad and asked what happened and that I wasn’t happy about the things she said he blamed it all on me, said I started it and that he doesn’t want to talk about it, ever, subject closed.
I’ve since been told to leave them alone and keep my opinions to myself.
I want to add my dad has really changed over the years. He’s very quiet compared to what he used to be, isn’t as happy go lucky, it’s like he’s lost his mojo. My mum has commented whenever she has bumped into him around here that he seems really different.
I think he’s been financially abused and controlled. He doesn’t see it obviously and I’m the bad guy.
I’m sorry this is so long I just need to talk about it because it’s really getting to me, I think she is a narcissist. Does it sound like that?