Passing of my mum

[BoldPinkPoster]

I hope this ok to put on here
My mum has just passed away. I'd like to read a poem but finding it difficult.
She was a very awkward women who caused trouble between all of her children.
Im basically looking for ideas of what to say at her funeral. TIA

Sorry for your loss, and sorry it’s a complicated one

Theres a few very difficult people in my family and one of them died recently. His daughter acknowledged the difficulty in her reading which was good, as there was an awful lot unsaid at the funeral and I think it was good to acknowledge the hurt this person had caused.

This kind of thing might be a good option? But there’s more if you google - I searched for “poem for funeral of a difficult mother” and there’s quite a few articles and ideas around to browse.

‘A Bird in Mist’ by Anonymous
At times like this,
We may look through books for the perfect words
To give form to our feelings,
Make the thing complete,
Set the matter at rest.
Yet, in hours of searching,
Each piece lies rejected – too precise, too difficult, too sweet,
Too harsh, implying what we do not wish to say.

But, look into the grey wide sky,
And the thoughts will come like this:
Remember me when I loved you most and you loved me most.
Remember me when I was my bravest and I did you right.
Then, let that be our secret bond
And, let us rise in the morning and enjoy the light
And know that the bird in the mist is returning to the sun.

juliemuircelebrant.com.au/blog/funeral-poems-readings-difficult-people/

Hello @BoldPinkPoster

First if all I am so sorry that you have lost your mum. When relationships are complicated it can add another complex layer to grief, especially in how to honour the person honestly but compassionately.

My mum died last year and although I loved her and was devastated at her passing , she could also be a difficult person and our relationship was not always easy.

I read a poem at her funeral (Death is Nothing at all) and my sibling did a speech at the wake. It was all done very lovingly but there was a brief mention that our mum was not known to be outwardly emotional, she didn't hug us a lot or say she loved us but that we knew we were loved because even as a struggling single mum she made sure we did not go without. Then he went on to talk of the good times we did have, caravan trips on the train etc.

My relationship with my mum was perhaps not as difficult as yours and definitely in her many years of severe illness before her death she softened and let me care for her so by the end our relationship was different. I realise this may not be the case for you.

The death of someone who was not an easy person can be challenging for many reasons, especially a parent, and especially when there are siblings who also knew the dynamic.

My thoughts by the end and by tge time of the funeral were that she was a human being with her faults that often didn't make my life easy but I wanted to honour her not only as my mum but as the person she was. It has given me comfort that I did that for her - and for me.

Remember me when I loved you most and you loved me most.

This from FloraBotticelli's poem above really rang out to me. The whole poem is perfect I think.

Oh gosh that is hard for you, I don’t have any poems in mind but your saw post and didn’t want to pass it by.

It doesn’t have to be a poem about parents, family or love. It could be a little more removed from that but still be fitting, I’ve actually just found one, this may not be right but something like this may set you on the right path to find something….

https://grateful.org/resource/small-kindnesses/

That line jumped out at me too - it acknowledges the greys subtly but beautifully. People aren’t all black and white.

I'm so sorry. Above all, give yourself time to grieve. It may take some time to get all of your feelings for her out of your system.

For your part in the funeral: is there something that she loved that you could speak about to lay her to rest? If you think she may have been glad to die, to be released from the world, I like this very brief poem, Requiem, by Robert Louis Stevenson:

Under the wide and starry sky,
Dig the grave and let me lie.
Glad did I live and gladly die,
And I laid me down with a will.
This be the verse you grave for me:
Here he lies where he longed to be;
Home is the sailor, home from sea,
And the hunter home from the hill.