WWYD? To tell my siblings about DM’s diagnosis?

[JaneGrint]

DM (mid-70’s) has been diagnosed with a chronic disease several months ago. I found out yesterday morning when I was on the phone to DF and he casually mentioned that he was taking DM to a disease check up later that day.

DF and DM were both all “what, didn’t we tell you?” and “well, it’s only barely over the threshold so no big deal!”

I’m really not sure that I agree it’s not a big deal because it can have quite nasty health complications, but anyway. I asked DM if they’d told my siblings about it, and no, they haven’t, because “it hasn’t come up in conversation”

So now I’m feeling a bit torn. On the one hand, I don’t feel good about keeping this information from my siblings, but on the other hand, it’s DM’s medical information so I also don’t feel good about just sharing that information with my siblings.

So WWYD?

I’d tell them. Just say what you’ve said here. Your parents don’t seem bothered about it being a secret especially

I think it depends on what it is and whether there is a risk to anyone. For example if it was Hepatitis which could be passed on.

Is there a reason she doesn’t want anyone to know?

It's your mum's condition. It's up to her who she tells and how.

I'd simply say that no, they hadn't told me, and ask if she's told your siblings, as you're sure they'd want to know and to support her.

It’s not contagious so no risk there.

As far as why she doesn’t want anyone to know - based on the conversation I had with her, she seems to minimising the whole thing. Lots about how it wasn’t a big deal, carrying on as normal, nothing to worry about etc. She never actually said that she didn’t want anyone else to know, just that it hadn’t come up in conversation with my siblings.

Chronic? Something like arthritis or COPD I would as it'll impact them more as they get older and might need more help. It's a good heads up for the future.

Again, it's not OP's business. Taking agency away from someone perfectly able to make her own decision about when and how to pass on the news, is arrogant.

It's a family and it doesn't sound like the parents have thought that much about it and it doesn't sound like a big secret..

You've got your opinion. And I've got mine which is that I'd want to know if it was my parents.

I would encourage her to tell them herself, and if she didn’t do it after a while I’d ask if she minded me telling them. It doesn’t sound like she’s deliberately keeping it secret so hopefully she’ll tell them.

I had this with DM, she was adamant that she didn’t want DB to know. I had to tell him in the end because she ended up in hospital. I wish I’d told him sooner but at the same time I didn’t want to disrespect DM’s wishes.

I would definitely tell my siblings if I was in this situation.

I would encourage her to tell them herself, and if she didn’t do it after a while I’d ask if she minded me telling them

Thank goodness for someone suggesting respecting the parent's wishes, but going about things the common sense way.