Partner is addicted to porn

[Lifeisruined]

Name change because I’m utterly mortified and feel like my life is ruined because of this disgusting man who in my eyes has been nothing but perfect for 10 years.

I know many don’t agree but I hate porn, I always told him at the very beginning of our relationship where I stood with it and asked him to never use it, he completely understood and agreed. I’m not a total animal, I’d send him videos/photos of me because I know all men feel that urge at times so knew I’d want him to do it over me. He has a literal catalogue of them.

Anyway. I discovered yesterday that he’s got a secret Snapchat account dedicated to all porn. Endless amounts of photos and videos saved on their from women. Also checked his Reddit account and it’s exactly the same. Endless porn subreddits, I’m talking endless. conversations with people, everything.

And then I find his OF account. The one thing I truly never thought he’d do. In the span of less than half a year he spent £400 on subscriptions to over 40 women on there. This is the real kicker.. one being an ex neighbour we both knew did only fans and sort of used to take the piss out of. Him even saying ‘who the fuck would subscribe to her OF?’ Little did I know it was actually him.

He’s paid extra as tips, he’s paid extra to have conversations with these women too. I am just mortified. He hasn’t been on it or done anything since November last year. I’m not sticking up for him but it is when the conversations ended. I was heavily pregnant with our daughter when he started this, and then was messaging our old neighbour when I was 6 days postpartum.

This is unforgivable isn’t it? We have 4 children together! I am completely mortified. Genuinely feel like I must surely be dreaming because why would he do this? He’s since come out saying he thinks he’s addicted to porn, saying things like he was just stupid, not thinking straight, he didn’t fancy any of these women etc all the usual bullshit.

He’s begging me to stay with him, saying he will get help, sell his PC and never use a phone again. I don’t want that life though, it sounds miserable. I’m just honestly in bits.

I was on the fence and hoping it could be saved until your last few paragraphs.

I couldn’t forgive him, especially messaging your neighbour just after you had a baby. That’s far too personal.

I am very sorry, I wish you and your children the happiness you deserve. You deserve not to be treated like that x

When you say addicted you just mean ‘uses’ don’t you?

its weird but it’s a real pattern my ex would speak about how horrible abusers are he turned out to be one. Or if they talk about how bad cheaters are they’re usually a cheater themselves

There's no going back because he's overstepped so many boundaries.

1. You were clear from the outset about porn use.
2. He's communicating sexually with other women.
3. He's spending family money on sex workers.

He obviously has a big problem and I'd leave him to wank himself into oblivion.

Oh OP I’m so sorry, what a lying, sneaky sh*t he has been. He was trying to get cheap thrills from these women, thinking only of himself. If he actually is an addict then he needs professional help as with any addiction. But I suspect he is not, I suspect he is just a sleezeball.
Saying he won’t ever have a computer or phone is virtually impossible nowadays so he’s setting himself to fail, and inevitably to deceive you too.
(Full disclosure - I had one of those, thankfully before the internet made porn so ubiquitous. He still led basically another sex life, with stashes of magazines round the house (we had been married only a year) & then late-night wankfests to porn on Sky, often with half a bottle of whisky. I hope that doesn’t happen to you, or to anyone in fact.)
Up to you if you give him another chance, but he really does need to m change & to communicate more with you. If he is committed to you & to the family & you can rebuild trust, then your marriage may succeed.

Everyone has their own view about porn, but for me only fans would be a step way too far I couldn't be with someone who did that.

I think it's more intimate, and i would always wonder if he would go further once the thrill of that wore off.