Officially autistic, please help with my feelings!

[TOWGA]

Today I received a diagnosis of autism, while I now feel like I have a reason to be the way I am, I also feel angry it’s taken till I’m nearly 33 to get a diagnosis. I can’t seem to hold a job down for more than a year before I struggle, I’m unsure what the future holds for me, I feel unemployable tbh!

Hey, this is totally normal. I was mid twenties when I was diagnosed. It was a bit of a shock though it shouldn’t have been really. I half expected it, but I still cried and felt emotional. It was a mix of feelings. Being sad because I now have a condition (I’m already epileptic, I probably would’ve been more upset if autism was my first commotion), relief that I finally knew why I am the way I am, irrationally angry at my parents who brushed off many suggestions I had it in my childhood. I was upset too, feeling like I wouldn’t have dropped out of school at fifteen if I’d been diagnosed and had support.

its a lot to take in, at any age. Give yourself time.

although I am considered unfit for work due to my disabilities including my autism, plenty of people who have autism can and do hold down jobs.

Thank you @whyville

i think I’m currently signed off, but the job isn’t right for me anyway, I just feel unemployable because I keep job hopping, I just wish I would have had more support growing up!

Me too. You are not unemployable but if you need a bit of support definitely go to citizens advice. They are there to help people. I wish I had more support too but when we were younger it wasn’t really spoken about much. I have since found decent support and your GP will be there to help too.

Thank you, there doesn’t seem to be many support groups in my area

Your GP will lead you to support groups. Some are online if there aren’t any in person ones nearby.

Welcome to the club! 🥳 (and what a weird and wonky old club it is). Getting a diagnosis is an important step towards understanding yourself, your strengths and weaknesses and what you can and can't do, meaning you're closer to finding a way of life that works for you.

I'm not terribly good at being employed, so I went self employed (and part time too, because I can't parent 2DC as a lone parent and work full time. Just can't. I don't know many ND mums who could). It means I can manage my hours and workload (ideally!) to suit me.

I'm currently getting a lot of strength and amusement from following the Daily Tism on Instagram.

Hey OP! I was diagnosed autistic earlier this year and it’s such an odd experience. I can’t maintain a full-time job either and have had to go self-employed on a part-time basis in order to cope.

There are some fab support groups on Facebook and Reddit if there’s none in your area - my GP basically admitted there’s nothing much out there for high-functioning people unfortunately.

I was diagnosed at 24. Not being able to keep a job despite a great academic record was the trigger for me.

I disclosed to my large international employer, got some reasonable adjustments and my manager gave me some coaching in areas I was struggling with. I still have the same reasonable adjustments, been there 10 years and promoted several times. The diagnosis helped me find myself and what I’m good at and I was able to use this to help my career as well as the support for things I struggled with.

Hi OP, I’m not autistic so can’t help from that point of view. I hope it’s ok for me to comment, still, from another angle.

It seems like a lot of your pain right now comes from labeling yourself unemployable. While I understand the instinct, This is very absolutist thinking that can really undermine your confidence. You are clearly very employable, because you are getting hired multiple times and sustaining jobs up to a year. It also sounds like it is as much your inner drive that makes the jobs hard to live with, versus eg you getting fired. I am guessing from how many times people have hired you, that you are an impressive individual with good skills. So maybe instead of thinking of yourself as unemployable, think “I struggle to maintain the same job long term” or “I have very high and specific standards for what I need to commit to a job long term and I haven’t found it yet.” …. That could either be something you can work on analysing why and working through. Or it could just become part of your understanding of how you function on the job market? Either way, it feels more accurate and more empowering than writing yourself off as unemployable.

I hope the diagnosis becomes a positive things for you.

So my strengths are I love talking travel and anything geography related!
I would love to get into something like that, but no idea how! I keep looking for jobs but where I live isn’t the best for jobs in travel!

Awww....I used to do that! I used to be a tour director for an educational travel firm, and it was insane! I loved it because it involved travelling around with the groups, double checking all logistics and arrangements, giving them the benefit of my knowledge in coach commentaries and walking tours. A massive part of it was soft people skills though- God I masked so much! Everyone said I was warm, bubbly, helpful and approachable- I used to come home from 2 or 3 back to back tours and basically go to bed for a month 😆. It definitely matched my "either 100% effort or zero effort" tendencies!

I would still do it again if I didn't have DC though- I was talking about it to a friend who also used to be a tour director last night- I was concerned that non EU passport holders can't work on EU tours any more, but she said her old company's still hiring in the UK, so there must be a workaround.

I just scratch my travel organisation itch by devising complex Interrail trips for me and the kids nowadays, and I'm the go to person for European and train travel advice amongst my friends.

There are quite a few travel positions available remotely- for example I noticed that Byway Travel, that organises train tours, was advertising a remote role recently.

Advice from a much older person.I was diagnosed as ADHD with autistic traits which I'm pursuing now.Im almost 59 !!
I feel a bit like you then I realised for 42 yrs I've been in hospitality.some long positions too.
No one knew anything and I just cracked on best I could.
Please don't let this hold you back.Could you WFH if people are the issue?
What do you struggle with? Is it the routine or something.I have to admit I get bored.

I was diagnosed in my early 50's. I found the period post diagnosis to be challenging, as I ranged from shock, disbelief (despite the fact that I KNEW I was autistic), anger, distress, that they'd got it wrong and questioning the diagnosis, to acceptance, and with acceptance came the lowering of the mask and my self imposed demands (which is constant work in progress).

It's hard.

I'm sorry I have no advice about the type of work you could do, but once you get a job, you can self refer to Access to Work to explore what support can be put in place for you to retain the job and what reasonable adjustments can be put in place.

Be kind to yourself. Getting a diagnosis is a big thing and it takes time to settle into the acceptance phase 💐

Thank you, even though I did know i was Autistic, getting the diagnosis means I’m in shock!
i defo need to get into travel industry but with no experience, I’m not sure how, I am currently on sick leave from my current job but won’t be going back.

It is totally normal to feel angry that it took till 33 to receive a diagnosis. Unfortunately women have been under-diagnosed for decades. I didn't find out till my mid 40s and went through a rollercoaster of emotions afterwards - a lot of anger, sadness at the what ifs etc. Then the dreaded imposter syndrome.

You can only really look forward now, with this official knowledge. For me I have learned that I cannot work full time and need the flexibility of self employment, to avoid autistic burnout. Take your time to look at what your specific needs are.

Thank you to everyone who has posted, it’s good to know im not alone in the way I’m feeling!

How are you feeling OP.?

Please can I ask for examples about what makes work difficult for you? I’m on the ASD waiting list and it’s almost a relief to hear I’m not alone in struggling in working.

What I tended to do was go in to a new job and give 200% I would take on extra responsibility and generally be amazing. But it was unsustainable so I would start to make mistakes and resent the role. And then leave under a cloud.
I’m 44 and I have had 17 jobs since I was 17 years old.

once I recognised the pattern I was able to try to avoid making the same mistakes. So my last job I made sure it was suitable/manageable and I didn’t go in trying to be perfect. It’s a job that works well with one of my interests/hobbies too so it’s something I’m passionate about l. I’ve been there 5 years now and it’s my second longest job.

my longest job was 10 years and that was a self employed role. That suited me very well as I could work to my own needs. It only became an issue as the job became more regulated andthe elements I struggled with became key elements.

Dual diagnoses here, autism and ADHD, given in my early 50s.

It's okay to feel sad about what might have been, but and it's a big but - now you know and you have an explanation that you're not shit at life, you live in a world that's not built for how your brain works.

I reflect back to my younger self, but the anger has gone now. It wasn't doing me any good. I did struggle at work over the years, but now I have workplace adjustments which put me on an even level as my colleagues. These are a legal right. Access to work is a great thing, mainly funded by the government, for paid adjustments, and there are small tweaks that cost nothing.

For me, some bits are home working with lower expectations of productivity on the days I do attend the office, active noise cancelling headphones, clear instructions on a task with a follow up, bullet pointed email, regular check ins with my line manager, extra breaks for when I freeze, so I can get up and do something physical instead of sitting, getting more anxious and doing less work.

These are only some, but they've made all the difference to be. I've even managed to climb the ladder a little.

Welcome to the spicy brain club, you have so much more to offer than you think you do. The very best of luck to you.

I liked the work but couldn’t stand being amongst everyone else for 8 hours a day- now realise I was masking and just wanted out after about 5 hours.
There was also lots of chatting when it was quiet. I don’t chat.
if I’d known what the problem was I could have maybe been part time and done a second different type of job for the remaining time.
i was past working when I was diagnosed adhd + possibly autism.
Editing to say I’m happier now as I do what I want to do with my time and not what I think I should , or what I think I’m expected to do.

Thank you all, I’m really struggling, work have said I need hand notice in if I can’t commit to full time, which I’m not committing to full time, so I will have to leave.
no idea what I am gonna do about money!

https://www.ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/what-we-do/services/i-am-an-autistic-young-person/employment-opportunities

Thank you @ColinCaterpillarsNo1Fan though it says under 25, which ain’t me!

Any ideas what I can do for money?