To give up TTC?

[birthdaysuit]

Just turned 38 - no kids- never thought I would get married, met someone nice. Started TTC beginning of the year usually have average 28 day cycle. This cycle have had a very light spotting instead of my period (some blood on wiping), late one week now on my proper period - faint positive pregnancy tests which the conception boards have let me know are likely ‘evaps’.

I feel like I could be perimenopausal, I have been very emotional this week and not thinking straight at all.

I just wonder if I should even bother with TTC, when I see the conception boards it is filled with miscarriages with woman my age - even if I do fall pregnant, I could have a MC or a child with disabilities.

I am honestly too triggered to even do another pregnancy test - as I cannot deal with it being negative or an ‘evap’.

Guess I just want some solidarity and sympathy to be honest - all my friends my age are done with this stage and I feel very isolated. All I ever wanted was a family and I feel I left it too late. It makes me resent my partner as he did not try sooner either; I think he knows this.

I wanted to have three children and greived this when I kept meeting idiot after idiot on dating apps in my late 20’s and early 30’s and had resigned myself to be alone, Now I have met someone and TTC if feels like I am reliving all the grief again and all the men who selfishy wasted my time.

Similar-ish situation. Five miscarriages in a row always close to 3 months. 😢 A lot of bleak heartbreak over several years. In the end we had a healthy child.

It was well worth it for us.

If you're both keen I'd be minded to go for it.

Good luck.

At 38 your chance of miscarriage or atypicalities is higher... But it's far far more likely statistically that you will have a healthy baby within 2 yrs TTC. If it's something you really want I would stick with it. People are still fertile at perimenopause. You can get some bloods done at GP if you are concerned about your hormones.

If you find yourself reflecting on the past a lot, it may be helpful to go to therapy. TTC is a rough road, especially when you get past the 1 yr mark

Maybe set an end date that you'd be happy with. It could be six months, it could be when you turn 40 - but it means the pressure is off with trying to decide if you keep going or not. Doesn't work for everyone but I also found ovulation sticks really reduced the pressure as it meant I only "needed" to have sex two days a month. Anything else was for fun. I would also be less concerned about additional needs if you don't have other children as you would not be stretched as thin. But only you can weigh it all up x

We started trying a few months before my 38th and I gave birth a few months after my 41st. During the years between I had a miscarriage and just not getting pregnant all other months even though we DTD on my fertile days. It was hard, frustrating, I cried a lot and I was scared it would never happen to us. But we just kept going and in the end it worked. I was aware of higher risks of various things but I didn’t dwell in them and all my tests came back normal.
I think you need to have a think and decide how long are you prepared to try. Or whether you can create a life you are happy with without a child.

This is a representation that you don’t see often on MN but that must be very common based on fertility statistics. We only hear about when someone had a baby, not when they started TTC. I must admit when I meet a woman in her 40s I assume she got pregnant without issue (indeed DM and DAunt both had surprise babies in their 40s without even trying…), but the chances are her story is similar to yours. Thanks for sharing. (I’m mid-30s and on the fence / in no position to start trying right now, so I’m likely to be a late-30s TTCer too.)

I feel exactly like this now but TTC my second at 42. I was a late starter and had a failed pregnancy quite late on but then had my child just before 40. Got pregnant quite quickly each time. Not been trying that long this time but the panic is rising. Kicking myself for not trying sooner but just didn’t feel I had the capacity. Good luck, there’s every chance you will succeed. My DC is wonderful but nothing prepared me for them asking so soon why they don’t have a sibling.

Sounds a bit like a chemical pregnancy OP.

TTC is awful, draining and very lonely IMO as it tends to be something private - and it’s easy to become obsessed at each stage of your cycle for different reasons, then of course ending in disappointment each time.

5/6 cycles isn’t that long in the grand scheme of things. I think we all expect to get pregnant instantly but actually it’s far more common for it to take a while.

As for your age - I really wouldn’t worry about it, I know countless women who have had babies naturally at your age and older. It wouldn’t even cross my mind at 38 tbh.

It does make you go a bit crazy though, so you have my sympathy on that.

I’m so sorry you are you going through this OP, this was me. It’s the hardest journey but if you can keep going, I had given up hope after a miscarriage and two years of trying. All the tests coming back ok in terms of fertility checks, then was ill with something gastro related, cut out alcohol, caffeine and ate super clean low fat low cholesterol high fibre foods lost quite a bit of weight not purposely I was quite poorly, (wasn’t big anyway tbh a Uk 12 and I’m 5’8) anyway March 2024 finally got my BFP aged 39 (40 in Sept) lord knows how or why but it happened.
I would also like to add this was DTD the day after my period and the first time I didn’t bother tracking ovulation. I really hope it happens for you, sending ❤️

I feel a bit like the original poster and just wondered what happened next for them. I hope it was good news.