I really struggle looking after my children together 😔

[Coffeeandcrochet]

They're 5.5 and just turned 1 and I find balancing their needs when I'm looking after them both nearly impossible. The 1 year old is at that stage of nearly walking where he needs eyes on him at all times. His naps have just gone to shit so I have no idea on any day whether he's going to be asleep by 9.30 am or have a massive nap in the middle of the day, he won't nap in his cot any more or even reliably in the buggy so planning the day is impossible. The 5 year old is delightful but very intense, stubborn, and going through some big emotions about starting school leading to extra clinginess. I feel like I'm meeting neither of their needs - lack of routine for the 1 year old as I try to do activities with the 5 year old, and the 5 year old isn't getting enough of my time because of the crazy 1 year old.

Any tips?? Or just tell me it gets better 😭

Isn’t the older one at school or some
sort of playgroup/nursery/preschool most of the day? 5.5 is late to start school.

I’m the same. Brilliant parent to one but with two I’m pulled every which way. My not quite two year old hasn’t napped at all today as a result.

I am hoping next summer when they are five and a half and three it’ll be better.

I think it’s a slightly different later start in Scotland. My son is four and a half and starts September and has big emotions too, though.

I’m in Scotland. Kids should be in school before they turn five and a half. Suppose it depends when the child’s birthday is.

Are you in the UK? Isn’t your eldest at school?

Anyway, you’ve just got to grit your teeth and get through it, it does (for most people) get better as they get a bit older. Unfortunately there’s no magic wand, it is what it is.

I'm in Scotland, eldest is in nursery 3 days a week and will start school in August - pretty normal around here. Even if he was in school I could have the same issue at the weekends or in the holidays though so I'm not really sure how it's relevant.

I had the same age gap and it was hard at that age. But we are in England and eldest was in preschool when dc2 was born, and then started school when she was 4 months. It was only really the school holidays and the weekday gap between collecting from school and DH coming home that I had them on my own. I had dc1 in extracurricular activities every day so she'd finish school at 4.25pm, and DH gets home at 5.30pm so that made it easier. School holidays dc1 was in activity and sports camps, which covered school hours. Weekends DH and I would spend together with the dcs, with one of us focused on one dc so they could do whatever interested them, but we were still together (eg in different parts of a playground or swimming).

It's much easier now they are older (youngest is 3) and they can play together. This summer I'll spend a few weeks just taking them on day trips together instead of using camps.

We find this challenging too, and with a much smaller age gap (4 and 18 months). However, I'm hopeful that it will get better as the younger one gets more reliable moving around the house safely, and especially as he gets more interesting. We already had a massive breakthrough at 15 months when they started actually playing together for up to 20 minutes at a time - before that, DS2 was just not able to do enough to be interesting to DS1, who couldn't work out how to play with him. So you may not have that long to wait before they start to (slowly!) become more compatible. Also DS2 was until quite recently a total liability at playgrounds, where he would need reminding to sit down on his bum to go down slides etc., but now he's quite competent and not trying to hurl himself off precipices every 2 seconds and it's only been a few months. So I'm nearly ready to take them both to playgrounds together, which would have been a nightmare previously.

It does get better, honestly, OP. Mine are a bit older now but the part when they were as small as yours was very tough. The best thing you can do is just try to muddle through and also - accept it for what it is. I think I spent a lot of time wishing so desperately that it was easier and that things were less chaotic - and this kind of thinking made it worse! You’ll get through it. Remember all they really need is you, no matter what that looks like, they’re not fussy.

I wanted to come back to this as I’m honestly hating the days with both mine at the moment.

I think at least some of it is the sheer noise of them both - my younger one is prone to tantrums, the older one is just - loud, sings loudly, shouts loudly ‘mummmmmmmY!’ and sometimes makes noises like ‘woowoowoo’ at the top of his voice which really annoys me. He doesn’t really do it alone. Probably because it’s easier to chat. Today on three separate occasions the toddler hurt herself and was crying and DS just carried on talking incessantly throughout and asking questions, apparently oblivious to the fact I was trying to comfort DD.

Activities - DD enjoys toddler groups but DS is too old. I really want to take DS on days out before he starts school and we’re limited to busy school holiday times but it’s so tricky managing DD and naps and car journeys and pushchairs I just can’t face it.

Mostly I just get fed up of absolutely no personal space. Alone they play nicely. Together they constantly climb on me, slam into me, vie for my attention, elbow me, push into me. I inevitably end up getting annoyed and feeling guilty.

I would just accept it’s a waiting game for DS to start school but what I’m really dreading is August as nursery is term time only. At the moment I’m not enjoying my days off with them but I can grit my teeth a bit but in August it will be absolutely relentless and I’m not joking, I actually think I have a bit of anxiety about it.

I'm too knackered after an epic bedtime with the kids to do a proper reply but just wanted to say when I posted I was genuinely feeling like the most useless mum but I'm now somewhat reassured that I'm not alone in finding this aspect challenging. So thank you, especially @everyonestoohot (I nodded along with every single word of your second post!) @BarnacleBeasley @MoiraRoseVibes and @classauita