Do you have a 'community'?

[Elsix]

I seen a quote on X earlier,

"You need good friends. You need community. You need family. You can’t do this life alone."

It kind of hit home as I am very lonely. Im married but were struggling and basically roommates. We have a 3 and nearly 1yo who are my entire world.

I have a small family, mum dad and brother. No grandparents both parents only children, no cousins. I have 1 friend i see every so often as she doesn't have kids so can be hard to meet.

I am very lonely and j think the fact im living with the marriage i have doesn't help. I don't know how to get a community or how to fix it. Im awful at socialising im so awkward and clumsy and cant read people. I want a community because I just am really alone apart from my kids.

But do you have a community ? Is anyone else in a similar boat to me?

I can relate. Feel free to message me.

I don't have a community, but I have a.great relationship with DH and my dcs. That's all I need and I don't see what input I'd need from friends and other family members. I can afford to pay for any practical support I need and I'm not an emotionally needy person, like I've never felt it necessary to share problems with friends. So I don't relate to the quote at all.

Yes. Several.

Of course, that has come from joining things, meeting people, and then some of those people becoming friends.

I have always attended Churches. I have always volunteered. I have always carved out time to do something for myself. As they were old enough, I spoke to other parents at things I took my dc to, and then accepted invitations to go to things, or invited others to join me at something.

Communities do involve you 'getting out there' to meet people and form friendships.

Yes i need to get out there really. I feel a bit not trapped but , my kids if they wake only want mummy and I worry if I go out after bedtime they'll wake upset for me and it makes me sad if I wasnt there.

They do sleep through but some nights wake etc

And weekends I don't want to have them looked after and be apart. My days off work (I am part time) should be spending time with them theyre in nursery 3 days a week

I could of written your posts OP. Wish we could be friends IRL 🥰
I do quite enjoy my own company though and general it doesn't bother me but I do sometimes wish I had "my" people/community

I do; but it has taken decades to build.

Nope. Several “friends” separately over the last few years, turned out not to be friends at all. Moving area soon and planning to join some groups/do some volunteering and hoping to meet some people who are not mean girls/weirdly jealous/want money from me? I do have a couple of “thick or thin” friends and they are brilliant. We all live miles apart though, so I’d like a more local “community”.

My friend was like you and would never leave her kids, we had met before either of us had children. They are close but those girls now live in different cities to her, you need a life without your children as well as one with them. I was the only person she would leave them with and only once they were both past 5. She had no life of her own, now divorcing she is incredibly lonely.

I used to even go on weekends away with friends when children were small, they still loved me.

You can't build a community if you don't leave home just in case your children wake up and want you.

Why don't you trust their father to settle them back to sleep?

If you cut yourself off from other people then yes, you won't be able to build the relationships needed for a community

Its not trust about my DH sorry I didn't word it right. Its just the guilt id feel if they needed me and I wasnt there and its happened before I've tried to like go on little walks and if they've woken they've asked for me and I rush home because hes struggling to settle whoevers woken asking for me

So its more of a guilt thing

If you are the only person that is ever there when she wakes up, then it would be a surprise for her.

If you were sensible enough to let your dh go to her on alternate wakings, then she wouldn't find it strange, and wouldn't miss you if you were out for a few hours.
Even better, if you get her used to a trusted babysitter, then you and your dh could even go out together.

So you’d really need a community of other parents with all of you bringing your kids along? Or one that mainly met online.

I am building a community. I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old. I used to have no friends and was socially awkward but realised that it's important to connect with others especially with children and have really worked hard on making new friendships since having kids. I have met my friends on the peanut app, at baby groups, in the library - all with children in tow. I try to say yes to invitations and actively speak to other mums or dads when I'm out and about. It has taken time and isn't always that comfortable but I now have some really good friends. It is doable but you have to put yourself out there. Good luck!

No heap really but I hear you OP, i struggle leaving my kids at bedtime/night. No idea why really but I just don't like it, feels somehow wrong for me.