I think I might have a shopping addiction and I'm so ashamed

[BarilynBordeaux]

Deep breath here goes. New poster but long-time lurker, signing up for some advice.

I think I have a shopping addiction. I've spent 6K in just over a year on totally unnecessary items,clothes mostly. I get such a rush from 'the hunt' of finding the perfect thing for X occasion. I'm at the point where I was hiding parcels from my partner by getting stuff delivered to inpost so I could collect them without anyone knowing. My postman makes jokes about how I keep his strength training up - no one knows how much money I've gone through. I added it all up the other night and felt sick.

I'm just so angry with myself but I don't know how to stop. I keep deleting apps and sites and then redownloading them in a 'fuck it fuck everything' moment.

The real madness is,half of what I buy is perfect stuff for work, but I no longer work as I was signed off indefinitely with a life limiting disease. I think this might have been the trigger overall but don't know who to talk to - who's going to take a shopping addiction seriously? it sounds so 'poor me im spoiled wah' but it's not like that at all.

You need to make an appointment and see your GP. Hopefully they can signpost you to receive some therapy. I suspect you are correct the trigger has been your illness. Are there any support groups for your illness that you could join? Or charities offering support? You need to sit down and tell your partner, especially if you have incurred debt. Yes, they are likely to be angry, but you need to show them that you know there's an issue and you are taking steps to help yourself. Please don't be ashamed. All the things you've bought unnecessarily, sell them on eBay or Vinted, once you have a handle on the shopping addiction. No, you won't claw back all the money, but you will some, and that's better than none at all.

I'd go to your GP. You've got an addiction and you can see the trigger which is great and want to/need to stop.

Every area has a mental health services that has addiction facilities. Addiction services see things like this every day. The longer you leave it the harder it will be to address. Good luck

Oh bless, you have a lot going on health wise and I'd imagine the shopping is giving you a dopamine boost, it's almost like a trauma response.

There are services that support addictions, it's not just for drugs or alcohol, maybe google your local area. It may be helpful to look at SMART recovery or acupuncture too. What you may benefit from is something that gives the hit that's not shopping so like cold water swimming?

Dont be hard on yourself.

I use to have a bit of a spending issue im bipolar so when manic it gets out of hand what I do know is I look through stuff online and add it to my basket but not checkout I then the next time I feel the urge I go onto another site and fill the basket I do this for about a week then I allow myself to go back to the original basket and get rid of all the stuff I don't want anymore and just buy the stuff I do still want. It's not a perfect solution but it cuts down on the stuff I actually buy.

@BarilynBordeaux when I read your post, I didn’t (and I’m sure none else would either) think you’re having a pity party. You have such a lot to deal with right now and it’s not surprising that your body and mind are ‘venting’. It may unconsciously be a coping mechanism since it is successful in pulling you back in constantly for that buzz to reenergise you. Please do visit your GP and ask for a referral to an appropriate service for support. Right now you’re trapped in a cycle of buzz followed by anger. It takes strength for sure to admit this publicly but I really hope you’re able to break the cycle. All the best 🙂♥️

I think you are grieving for your old life - being able to work - and so your way of controlling that is to buy clothes. You dont need to feel ashamed. Why dont you try to book some therapy.

I completely agree that I'm im trying to control grieving for my old life, but it doen't make any sense! Why buy work clothes when I can't work? I'm buying jewels for a corpse!

I know this is not going to solve the issue as to why you buy stuff but could you start at least trying to get some of the money back? All the things you’re not going to use, try and see if you can sell them on vinted
or something and get some of the cash back??

Laughing my head off at people who think NHS mental health services are there to treat people with shopping addictions

The good thing is you recognise this as an issue. That’s a great start in getting a grip on this.
I went a bit mad spending when I had depression. Could you have some form of derision given your health ?
i ran up a lot of debt when I was like it then one day I had a light bulb moment. I just knew it couldn’t continue.
i now keep a lid of spending.
Do I need it ? can I afford it ? If not I don’t buy it. I cut online shopping.

@Jamjams Did you read the bit about OP having a life-limiting disease before you stuck the boot in?

Rude!

Thank you, it makes a lot of sense as a messed up response to what happened actually - I lost my health and job and my partner also left briefly after my biopsy. I've heard of SMART before, I'll have a look - thank you xx

I do this too.
I often shop in the evenings (I’m single and the evenings are boring). I have started just putting things in my basket and leaving them until the morning, usually by then I have talked myself out of it or forgotten about it.

I still buy a lot of clothes but I use vinted a lot to buy and sell.

It does make sense, and a good therapist can help. Therapy will be much cheaper than the shopping addiction.

You're struggling. You've admitted you have a problem. That's the first step to sorting this out.

Same here,,I'm having a hypomanic episode at the moment.
I've sold some jewellery to pay my credit card! Happens every May

@uncomfortablydumb60 @feelingbleh I’m bipolar and I do this too. It’s more under control than it used to be.

Thank you everyone for your advice - also for being so nice! I have an appointment booked to dicuss the underlying cause which is becoming clear - depression brought on by my diagnosis.