If your child was mean to another what would you do?

[Manchester867]

Posting for traffic. My 5 year old reception DS was at the park after school and I could see he was tired. (Normally lovely but can be grumpy when tired). I was about to say we are going home when he reacted to another boy, one of his friends and snatched his frisbee and threw it far away in anger. They had been bickering about whose turn it was.

long story short I was apologetic but my son was in the meltdown territory and would not apologise. I could tell he was ready to say something horrible such as “I hate you” or “you’re not coming to my party” (what seems to be happening when he’s emotional right now), so I whisked him away and left the other parent to fetch the frisbee, saying thank you and a profuse sorry as I left.

i feel awful but I also know most children can behave badly when they are tired. I have spoken to my son, who is now calm and said it was unacceptable to do what he did, spoken about it.

i feel awful and embarrassed about his behaviour.

If you were the other mum (whom I’m on fairly good terms with) would you expect a text from me, or do I just leave it?

should I coax my son to apologise to the boy or is that a bad idea?

i think you don't need to text, but if youre friends with the mum, then you could just say , sorry Derek is a real grump when tired. Hope Kevin is alright

Talk to your son when he is calm and get him to make a sorry card. This way he can hand it over without saying the actual words and the other child can feel seen.

Trouble is @Olderbeforemytimehe is going through a horrible phase (think it’s the limbic leap??) when everything is super emotional and empathy has gone out the window - he will probably fly off the handle and stubbornly refuse to do that. It’s exhausting

Have you talked to the teacher about how he is in school?

Just leave it you dealt with it fine at the time by removing your son from the situation. People understand kids can act up the only way I would think anything of it as the other parent would be if you did nothing

Tbh I'd do what you did, I'd deal with it there and then in the most appropriate way, apologise to the parent and leave. And speak to my DS about it when he was calmer.

But don't forget kids can be total asshats as they are only just learning to regulate their emotions and understand that they can't just behave how they feel like doing, and it's harder for them to do that when they're tired after a day in school. Don't forget the other kid was bickering too, so he wasn't prepared to compromise either! It's a developmental stage for all young children, with decent parenting they'll come out the other side as civilised humans who don't strop at the drop of a hat (mostly...)

Reception is quite a hard year on them, although the learning is play based there's still loads for them to take in, and not just phonics but harder stuff like how to deal with it when Brendan took the last yellow crayon and Evie copied your picture and got the praise for your ideas. It's a steep learning curve in YR!

Thank you. @ShodAndShadySenatorsthat is reassuring. Yes it’s a hard year and also he’s just got used to it and now he’s realised he’ll be moving onto Y1 soon, which might be stirring emotions.

Honestly don’t make a big thing about it. Send the other parent a quick text just saying sorry about today little Johnny was exhausted and just needed to go home. All children (just like adults) have their bad days and I find once the other parent acknowledges that their child is being a little shit at that moment in time and doesn’t indulge the behaviour then I’d think no more about it. My own six year old who is in her first year of primary school started bawling crying today because her siblings didn’t want to play with her after school. It’s totally unlike her and I could tell she was shattered as they are winding down in school as summer holidays in two weeks so lots of outdoor play and sports and fun stuff going on.