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5, almost 6yr old watched something horrible on a playdate

65 replies

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 08/06/2025 19:59

I'm really upset about it. My son told me to look up "have a sandwich" on YouTube (adults YouTube not kids YouTube). We don't let him watched the non kids YouTube at all Obviously! But this is what he was shown and I feel sick! Do I let the mum know or do I just keep quiet? This was my 5yr olds first playdate without me so now I am angry with myself for letting it happen.

Just type in have a sandwich meme and it's an old old man shouting at his wife but as you will see, it's vile.

OP posts:
Theroadt · 08/06/2025 23:04

In all of this YES inappropriate, YES you mention it to thd mum (just to let her know - not in an accusing way) YES you host playdates in future. BUT - and this is crucial - your son told you, so make sure you deal with this carefully, so he isn’t put off telling you openly if something else happens (heaven hopes not. But.)

bluesinthenight · 08/06/2025 23:06

I am not going to watch it. I don't understand why with threads like this we are also encouraged to watch the offending videos. I have been caught by things like this before so now I just don't click on the link. Tell the parent what happened.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 08/06/2025 23:10

I did call the mum. She was very apologetic and her son was actually in bed with her at the time. He had heard what I said and said it was my son who watched it but he turned away 🤣 she was having none of that though and did genuinely seem to be very sorry. So hopefully she will put parental controls on or better yet, delete YouTube.

I handled it so badly with my son though. Im not sure whether to discuss it again or just ignore it and hope he forgets about it all

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 08/06/2025 23:10

Theroadt · 08/06/2025 23:04

In all of this YES inappropriate, YES you mention it to thd mum (just to let her know - not in an accusing way) YES you host playdates in future. BUT - and this is crucial - your son told you, so make sure you deal with this carefully, so he isn’t put off telling you openly if something else happens (heaven hopes not. But.)

No we already screwed that up.

OP posts:
AnxietySloth · 08/06/2025 23:15

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 08/06/2025 23:10

No we already screwed that up.

You didn't screw it up - you just reacted and you're human.

Now you can get your kid and say 'Oh hey when you told me about that movie you watched on YouTube I'm sorry I got cross. I got such a shock because I know that watching bad things can be really upsetting for kids and I want to protect you. I'm sorry I reacted like that. You did the right thing telling me. Do you want to talk about what scared you about it?' and then tell him how you spoke to the other mum and how the grownups have a job to keep them safe and it was a mistake etc etc.

Yourethebeerthief · 08/06/2025 23:15

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 08/06/2025 23:10

No we already screwed that up.

How did you screw it up. Whatever it is, you can fix it.

I hope he’s ok. God I’d be terrified at his age 😢

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 08/06/2025 23:15

Yes he is actually a pretty open book but in a really naieve way sometimes. I will have a talk with him tomorrow but will try to keep it light.
What happened earlier was, he told me to look it up and watch it. I searched for it and he pointed to the video. He was actually so excited (worryingly) like "look what she does next!" Etc once it finishes I just said how that was not a good thing for children to watch etc. he then was desperate for me to show my husband/his dad. I said I wasn't playing it again as it was so horrible and he started to explain to his dad what it was about. My husband was like "stop. It sounds horrible and I don't want to hear about it. I don't like horrible things like that" etc. then my son went to play and as he sat playing he kept repeating the "make me a sandwich" term over and over. I asked him to stop and he didn't and my husband shouted at him to stop at which point my son got so upset.
He wouldn't let us anywhere near him or try to then talk calmly to him. So yeh we made a bit of a shambles about it. I don't know how to turn it around.

He did go to bed happy etc though

OP posts:
EmeraldRoulette · 08/06/2025 23:17

What happens in this video, please? I don't want to watch it.

doglosttooth · 08/06/2025 23:18

My 5 year old granddaughter now has zero YouTube unless it is exercise/ dancing.
Her behaviour has improved so much in the last few weeks.
People need to understand that the internet gives far more information and stimulation than the human brain can deal with! The brain has not progressed as fast as the internet and that includes adult brains! Think about anything that you have googled and then think about what you can remember…scary IMHO.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 08/06/2025 23:27

@EmeraldRoulette I've just watched it. It's described as a mini horror movie and 3 minutes long. It was quite well done but the last minute was scary especially the last scene. It's basically a horrible man who shouts at his wife to make him a sandwich and she starts putting wierd things into the sandwich each time. In one scene he eats glass and starts bleeding from the mouth. I'm not sure what happened in the end, I'll have to Google it to make sure I interpreted correctly! Considering the rubbish on YouTube its not bad. Definitely not appropriate for young kids, it's scary.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 08/06/2025 23:34

OP I think leave it in the past now. Some kids are easily disturbed some are not. It sounds like he enjoyed it. I could never cope with horror, even now but some friends used to watch all sorts of scary movies from a young age and it didn't have any negative effect on them. At least now you and friends mum know to be more cautious, it's a mine field these days raising kids.

EmeraldRoulette · 08/06/2025 23:48

@Dontlletmedownbruce thanks.

BertieBotts · 08/06/2025 23:50

Yes I don't think I'll be watching it, sounds grim.

I think you've handled it fine with the other child's mum.

I would be very wary even with youtube kids. There is some weird disturbing scary stuff on there, too. IME you have to go through it fairly often and block channels en masse. I am very close to just deleting YT because it's so much maintenance to keep it appropriate. Even the normal stuff like my 3yo was watching Pocoyo earlier and rather than a normal Pocoyo episode they are now churning out slop like surprise eggs to the tune of finger family. If you google Elsagate it's basically the same thing.

My guess (armchair psychologist hat) is that when he was "excited" he was actually a bit scared/nervous and was looking to see your reaction to see what you'd do/say, and then this came out in his upset when his dad shouted. I don't think it's the end of the world that you didn't react perfectly in the moment. It's quite a shocking thing and I think a lot of people wouldn't know what to do/say.

I think tomorrow when everyone's calmer I'd probably say something to him like this (although a bit more in my own voice and less like a nursery teacher!):

Seeing that video yesterday took me by surprise a bit. I thought it was a bit scary, and I'm a grown up. I wonder if you thought it was a bit scary as well? It made me feel a bit worried to know that you had seen that with <friend> because that kind of film is usually something that much older people might watch, like teenagers or adults, but it's not really meant for children. Some people find that kind of thing funny, but I don't like it. I didn't like the man, because he was rude, and I didn't like what the lady put in the sandwich. That kind of thing makes me feel all weird and wrong because it would be so horrible if that happened in real life.

Just in case you were worrying about it, it's not real what happened on that video. It was pretend blood with special effects. Those were actors and they were acting out a story. Nobody ate any glass in the sandwich in real life. I don't like that story, and I don't want you to act it out at school or with your friends. I don't want other children looking it up on the internet and being upset by it.

We have to be careful what we look at on the internet because it can contain lots of different things and some of them might be funny or silly, but some of them might be scary or worrying. I want you to know you can come to me or Dad and tell us if you see anything on the internet that worries you. You're not in trouble for watching the video, but we aren't going to watch it again and I don't want to see you playing games about that or saying "make me a sandwich", OK?

--

Thinking about it, it might be worth emailing school to give them a heads up, in case it does go around the playground. If another child goes home not having yet seen it but having heard "You must watch this video it's really funny and cool" then it would be helpful for parents to have had a heads up about it so they know to expect the request. Obviously it won't help any children who currently have unrestricted access to youtube, but if parents get a note home that a craze is going around the playground to watch a specific scary video then they might be alerted to the fact that unsupervised youtube is not a good idea, anyway.

RedToothBrush · 08/06/2025 23:55

Don't just raise it with mum. Make sure school are aware. It's a safeguarding issue.

Kibble19 · 09/06/2025 00:03

Just watched the video. It’s really bad, especially for a child. It ends with the abusive husband dying - rotten corpse, maggots everywhere etc, because the wife got sick of his shit and put things in his sandwich.

Normally I’m quite chill but that’s very disturbing for a child, definitely.

WhySoManySocks · 09/06/2025 00:06

The thing is, the video very explicitly says “horror” in the title, so no unsupervised child should ever come across it. That’s the point to focus on.

cheesycheesy · 09/06/2025 00:12

why on earth are some parents giving their children unrestricted access to YouTube. Lazy and stupid.

ThisOldThang · 09/06/2025 00:27

Our (then) 4 year old son went to a party. Apparently the hosting child liked to watch videos of animals being born on YouTube. The kids were all watching YouTube without the adults paying attention and they ended up being served a video of a baby being born.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 09/06/2025 00:31

@BertieBotts thank you so much for you're very thoughtful reply. I will definitely use this in my chat tomorrow!

@RedToothBrush what would the school do?

OP posts:
CharlotteLightandDark · 09/06/2025 00:42

It’s a short film. It’s very well done and creative, probably some film students project. Sure it’s not meant for children but people are carrying on like it’s some sort of snuff movie or something - it’s just a film no drama

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 09/06/2025 00:43

It's too horrible for a 5 year old. I'm not sure why that's hard to understand?

OP posts:
JohnTheRevelator · 09/06/2025 01:14

I've just watched it and I'm not surprised you are angry.

DonnyBurrito · 09/06/2025 01:51

Kibble19 · 09/06/2025 00:03

Just watched the video. It’s really bad, especially for a child. It ends with the abusive husband dying - rotten corpse, maggots everywhere etc, because the wife got sick of his shit and put things in his sandwich.

Normally I’m quite chill but that’s very disturbing for a child, definitely.

I found it eventually, and at first found the overall message to be 'assholes get what they've got coming'. Then it has a bit of a twist at the end; was she nuts all along and was imagining it, or did she go nuts eventually with his abuse, and kept bringing him sandwiches due to her psychosis? - any of which would be hard to educate a child about, but the initial message is quite easy - ie don't bite the hand that serves/don't be an entitled asshole. The other part that got me was the bit where she puts glass in his sandwich and he eats it. That's a difficult one, so hard to come up with a message that doesn't frame that as okay in the overall context. I agree that it's just not appropriate for early developing brains that aren't well versed in empathy, as I can't think of a way to explain it contextually in an age appropriate way.

I think what I'd like to say to my son on that situation is something along the lines of "that video was only for grown ups, and because grown ups brains are a bit bigger, it means they don't get hurt as easily. While you and your brain are only little, we don't want you to watch things that might hurt your brain. Watching a grown up video when you're little is like going on a rollercoaster that's only for grown ups, and we don't want you to get hurt. Etc etc etc ..." Basically remove shame, judgement, fear and replace it with the facts.

mathanxiety · 09/06/2025 02:13

WeCouldDoBetter · 08/06/2025 22:47

They weren't being properly supervised. No need to be on screendbdurinf a playdate at that age, they should he playing!

I agree.

You should tell the mum you weren't impressed. I wouldn't mince my words. She needs to understand that what she's allowing is not ok.

You should also notify the school that the child has access to very unsuitable material online.

tripleginandtonic · 09/06/2025 06:19

You be totally over reacted OP, poor lad. He obviously viewed it as a cartoon, not real life and you've gone OTT because it didn't bother him