How do you organise Mother’s Day/Father’s Day?

[Rounder888]

How do people organise Mother day/Father’s Day once you have your own kids? This is our first year for both after having our daughter, so planned to spend the days with just us three then see mums/dads after or day before but my family seem put out by this? Husbands mum and dad are fine about it but aren’t super close

We always see our respective mums and dads. It’s their day and I think it’s important to do something with them.

when your daughter is old enough then she will do something for you. It’s not daughter’s day is it? It’s about you doing something for your mum and dad.

Yes I do this too.

Go and see my mother or father with cards and chocolate and making the day about them. when my kids were old enough they started to buy me cards and things and that was nice but I still always popped over to see my parents.

I loath going out to those mothers day lunches because they are always disappointing, busy, and over-priced.

Hum I suppose, but how does that then work if your mum is still around? If my daughter arranges something for us then would I need to ensure my mum is included in that plan?

I'll answer that easily.

I don't make big plans, just pop over for an hour. I see her lots the rest of the year anyway so it's not like she doesn't see me.

Sometimes I’ll see my mum in the morning and my own daughter will do something for me in the afternoon. Or more usually I’ll invite both sets of parents round and do something all together.

Great, this is exactly what we intended to do, but my family expect for me to arrive in the morning and leave in the evening, so wouldn’t have any time to do something for ourselves

I also see my family multiple times a week and spend Christmas/easter etc with them

She's a baby. That won't be for many years yet. Just get together as a family and celebrate all the mums or dads depending which day it is.

Why do they expect you to stay so long that is very unreasonable. You have to tell her that you are a mother now so will see her for a short time in the morning and spend the rest if the day with your family and that is how it is going to be from now on. Also if you want to spend Christmas day just with your family start as you mean to go on there are so many posts of people doing Christmas for others when all they want to do is just spend the day together.

I tend to treat it as a family day so do something where everyone can be together. If we can’t all do that for whatever reason, DP would go see his DM and I would go see mine (both our dads are long dead). I don’t see why a new baby would change that tbh, it’s not as if they can do anything independently!

This is generally how my family tends to spend all weekends anyway, I just usually don’t choose to get involved! But am expected to on holidays

This would be nice but would end up being around 35 people with both sides of the family, siblings, grandchildren, great grandkids etc we live in a mid terrace house so have no way of hosting

We do cards etc in the morning at home (young adult DC living at home). Then usually go over to see my parents in the afternoon/evening. MIL is no longer with us and lived much further away, some years we would visit her, sometimes we might visit FIL, none of them mind if for whatever reason we can't see them on the day but we always send cards, flowers whatever if not seeing them. We've never done anything over and above cards/gifts just for us and a visit to them, no meals out or similar. Hopefully when the DCs leave home they will remember, if they come back for the day and GPs are still alive we'll still visit them.

Thanks everyone, I’ve stuck to my guns and said we will be doing our own thing in morning/lunch then I’ll be coming to visit in the afternoon, will see what happens 😂

Don’t be me! For Mother’s Day I organise and pay for something for us all to go eg afternoon tea or lunch etc. I do exactly the same for Father’s Day. DH dad and step dad are both dead. So I end up doing this for DH, DSD, DS, my mum, my dad, my aunt and DH mum. Not a habit I would recommend getting in to. But they all seem to enjoy it.

I spend part of the day with my mum or dad, and DH will spend this time with his mum or dad and then we spend the rest of the day with the DD’s celebrating their parent.

It’s your first Mother’s Day as a mother. As much as I love and see my mum regularly I would put myself first and center in this situation.

When my daughter was born I stopped doing Mother's Day with my own mum on the actual day. Unfortunately there is a history of my mum (or dad) getting too drunk at family events, or they don't like the venue, or the food isn't up to their standard. There is always some comment about the service or one dish being too salty. There wasn't enough effort/money spent on the gifts. You get the idea.

Invariably I would always come away from the day feeling down/annoyed/embarrassed by drunken behaviour.

I didn't want to feel like that on Mother's Day when I became a mum so the day is just for me. DH understands the dynamics and is happy to support me. He sees his mum in the run up to Mother's Day (she was not overly fussed by it when they were growing up anyway) but we always do something just us.

I always arrange something with my mum in the run up, like an afternoon tea or a lunch but never on the actual day. She had 35 years of having the day for herself and now it's my turn and I want to enjoy the day with my DC.

As for Father's Day- there is a big yearly sporting event that DH goes to every year and it always falls on Father's Day so he just gets a card and a present packed into his bag! Sometimes I'll see my dad on the day/do something with him but often they are on holiday over Father's Day as well.

I think it really depends on your family dynamics and the relationship with your parents and in-laws about how you celebrate it. I am all for doing your own thing on the day once you become a parent- as I've said, your own parents have already had 'their time' when you were small, so there's no harm in wanting to make the day about you now you are the parent

We don't. It's never been a day with any particular expectations for anyone seeing anyone for us. I put a card in the post, DH hands over cards as his parents live near us. We might have a lunch us and PIL as they are nearby. No particular other fuss.

We don't. My mum always maintained it was a waste of time & money & that she didn't need a special day to feel appreciated by her family. I feel the same. Can't be doing with it.

My husband sent cards to parents on the correct day as I did for mine. Phone call on the day nothing more. It’s a nonsense thing anyway and pretty meaningless. In our family birthdays are the big thing no matter what the age. When we became parents we accepted the cards etc. from nursery/school but didn’t do anything else and it’s now petered out.

This is what we do. You are the at the coal face parents now so it’s your day actually and honour your parents with a short visit. It can even be the day before! A lie in/ breakfast in bed being part of your new traditions that you are creating for your family. Have a lovely time however you choose to mark the day!

It’s a day we spend as a family. I don’t have any parents to celebrate anymore, but Dh has MIL. It’s more a send a WhatsApp message and a card sort of holiday. I don’t think we’ve ever seen her on Mother’s Day.

That said, I think that says more about the relationship she has with her adult children than anything, which is polite but not particularly warm. BIL doesn’t have any children and he doesn’t see MIL for Mother’s Day either, or her birthday, or Christmas. They are more of a send an obligatory message sort of family.

Send/give a card and flowers! That's all we have ever done in my family (and dh's family). We live 4 hours' drive from our parents now anyway, so popping round or going out for lunch is not really an option!

From we became parents, we were the most important parents on father's/mother's day. We do not ignore our parents by any means, but they all have multiple children to celebrate them. From that day, we had one. So we mostly do lunch the day before with parents,a wee visit in the morning to allow the other one of us a lie in, but the majority of the day is a family day (for our wee family) and then a chilled dinner (m and s deal in the case of dh for me). We prioritise doing a lovely activity.