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Autistic child ‘it will get easier’ does it really??

70 replies

Sleepdeprivedmamma · 08/06/2025 10:04

Hi

i feel like a bad mum for even venting like this but i just wonder if we are alone
DD is nearly 7 - Autistic (diagnosed the day she turned 3) and is on the pathway for an ADHD diagnosis
she has an EHCP and she attends a specialist school

everyone along the way has said - it will get easier - it gets easier with age etc
it just keeps getting harder 🤯🤯🤯🤯
she constantly screeches now and it feels like torture like my brain cant function when she does it (almost every waking minute) she does it regardless of if she is happy or sad. I reached out to school for help but they just said its a phase. Shes been screeching/screaming since feb.
that aside she is just relentless. Besides school we have no help - she was assesed by short breaks and they agreed she could have a pa 10 hrs a week in the school holidays as help but this was 18 months ago and they said they cannot find anybody suitable for her / ‘funding is sat with managers for sign off’

i feel awful for saying this because i love her endlessly - but i feel sick with anxiety for the summer holidays. I just cant cope.

for some does it just not get easier???

OP posts:
PeachPumpkin · 08/06/2025 11:20

Davros · 08/06/2025 11:12

I do feel for you. My DS is nearly 30! He has ASD and severe learning disability (I don’t use the word “difficulty”, it’s too sanitised).
my first recommendation is to look up the Challenging Behaviour Foundation, it is an amazing charity with lots of resources.
When DS was young we found many special needs and/or ASD sessions such as swimming, trampolining, yoga, adventure playground etc. We are in London and I didn’t have other children at the time so I would go to anything and everything. In my day, the purpose of short breaks was to give you a budget to use as you wish, we did not get allocated anything by the LA on direct payments although they ran a few holiday sessions separately. I think you will have to try to find helpers yourself if you can e.g. staff at school, university students (especially psychology), local six formers etc, much easier in a busy location. The other thing that was transformative, although people often resist, is medication. Don’t dismiss it, no-one wants to use medication but almost everyone I know did eventually. Wishing you hope and love

Can I ask what medication was tried and how it helped? Thanks.

minnienono · 08/06/2025 11:24

Autism is so variable that nobody can really say in your case but I can tell you that my dd changed in her needs over time. My dd was diagnosed at 2 so young, but was mainstream educated with ta support as required through primary and mitigating measures in place for secondary (we were offered special school but refused because dd is very bright and the proposed school didn’t really do academic qualifications, dd has 12 GCSE’s at a or a star, a levels, degree…)

primary age was about having a calm atmosphere and noise management, great teacher in control of class really helped and they allowed her to spend time in library too. Secondary mental health issues started to really kick in so had weekly counselling, and that school had a unit built whilst she was there and she was the pupil advisor. Lunch time was tricky so they had special arrangements. Upper school (14+) she mostly worked from the school office rather than in class.

she doesn’t have adhd so that is helpful and one thing that has happened is she has continued to “grow up” well into her 20’s eg things a typical 12 year old “gets into” she started being interested in at 18/19, was 20 before showed an interest in boys, well men, and in 20’s she learned all kinds of everyday stuff that teens are typically doing, she’s happy, still studying but fully independent

Hels20 · 08/06/2025 11:24

I really feel for you. We have two sons - 14 and 10. Both autistic and 10 year old has ADHD too. It is the ADHD that I find hardest to deal with. I would second a PP suggestion above about getting noise cancelling earphones for you. I also would second considering medication (there is an excellent thread on the SEN children board about medicine). The medication has seriously saved my sanity. He is calmer, more obedient etc when he is on his meds. I actually don’t know how I coped before. I was v reluctant to try medicine but the Doctor said that if you leave meds too late, then the children won’t learn!

separately, I have a v autistic cousin. Totally awful during his childhood (thinking taking a golf club and smashing neighbours’ sheds). By 17 he had become a delight and at 35 is the kindest, most thoughtful man I know. He manages to hold down a NMW job but has been employed since 18. So there is hope. Children can change.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Thenose · 08/06/2025 11:53

Your daughter might not get objectively easier to manage, but you will find her easier to manage as you gain confidence and expertise. What feels overwhelming now will one day feel familiar and doable. You'll know what she needs, how to respond and what isn't worth worrying about.

Our 13-year-old son is non-verbal, autistic and has learning disabilities. He's become objectively more challenging with every passing year, but we've become more skilled at meeting the challenge. We're able to meet his current needs better than we could meet his earlier ones because we've become more competent.

I should note, though, that his dad and I look after him 24/7; he's never attended school. I know other families whose children with similar needs leave for specialist school at the crack of dawn, come home late, and have help from social care at the weekends and holidays. Many of them haven't developed the expertise or confidence to care for their child, and it becomes much more difficult when they do have them. It doesn't get easier for them.

In my experience, the more parents try to hand the hard parts to others, the slower their learning curve becomes and the greater the chance their child will end up in full-time care. In that respect, support can become a vicious cycle. While it's a relief in the moment, over time, it can erode your skills and confidence to the extent that you don't believe you can care for your own child.

It's like hiking uphill with a heavy backpack. The slope might not get any easier - it may get steeper - but your legs will get stronger, and you'll learn which paths are worth taking. However, if you always hand your backpack to someone else, you'll never build the strength to carry it yourself. Then, when it's suddenly handed back, it feels just as overwhelming as it did at the start.

If you consistently do hard things, they eventually don't feel as hard.

Perzival · 08/06/2025 11:53

Hi OP, I have a son with profound autism. It is hard, I think it gets easier when you've mourned for the different life that your child has and your family has compared to what should be.

I get frustrated with all the autism positivity on Facebook and other sm. Autism isn't a superpower and yes I would give my son a cure if I could. I think it helps to find other families in the same boat that understand even I'd it's a Facebook group for families with kids with severe/ profound autism. Everyone needs to he able to talk and for people not to judge and just get it.

Ask the LA if you can have the PA funding to spend in other ways that will help such as sensory toys or an iPad etc or whatever else may keep her occupied so you can get a cuppa. Contact a family is a good point of call for the wording.

We had a safeguarding issue with PA'S so our la is letting us use funding to take ds to a hotel so one of us can stay at home and rest while the other stays in the hotel (ds enjoys hotels) but you could ask for opposite so you or your dh/dp could get a night in a hotel for a break while the other stays at home. Not ideal I know but could be an option just for a little bit of a break.

Have you watched the programme 'there she goes'? It's worth a watch, you may or may not find some humour in it.

Do you have ot involved? Would a sensory area/ room help? Do you need any adaptations, help with mats or a bed for changing, a safe garden space so she can burn off some energy safely etc. Your family will be entitled to help with this from the la via a grant. There's also a charity called family fund which depending on income could help with hotel vouchers or sensory equipment etc

Try to find something you can all goto as a family and make some good memories, you don't want to look back and only see the bad.

Davros · 08/06/2025 11:58

@PeachPumpkin it is Risperidone done with full involvement of Paediatrician, careful management and close monitoring. I have friends whose DCs are on other things and I’m sure there are newer options. It meant he could actually do the things he enjoyed as he was finding even the simplest thing challenging, it was unmanageable

Perzival · 08/06/2025 12:03

OP, sorry I forgot the biggest help for us. Get as much help with communication as you can (if you can afford it a fantastic salt report to feed into the ehcp so you get the help via that and not just the normal/standard that the nhs or la will try to fob you off with). Pictures, items of ref, aac, colourful semantics, anything and everything. The more you can help her communicate even if it's just basic needs the easier everything becomes.

Acropolis49 · 08/06/2025 12:17

Your situation sounds a lot like mine some years ago. I have 2 sons with ASD, but the eldest is severy learning disabled as well, with very challenging behaviour. He is almost 18. Also have a daughter born when he was 5.

He didn't get easier to manage, he got much harder, to the point that he moved into a residential setting age 16. Residential college is a common pathway for young people with complex challenges, but we had hoped to last until he was 18 or 19. Unfortunately covid lockdowns had a massive impact on our family and pushed us to crisis point.

Don't assume that the professionals have all the answers, in my experience they don't. If you believe you know what your child needs, be specific and ask them to help you achieve it. You know your child best.

Keep pursuing a personal budget, then recruit staff yourself, I used university students that already had a DBS (education, nursing etc), and also school staff in the holidays which worked well.

I can laugh now at the lengths we had to go to, to do normal family things like making a circle out of large windbreakers on the beach to contain him as he was a runner, and going to the park when it was pouring with rain with the kids in puddle suits, because I knew nobody else would be there as it was so challenging to manage him around other people especially children.

I haven't come here to say it is all doom and gloom because it is not. I love the bones of him. He has had some wonderful carers over the years who have become family friends, and my youngest child is the kindest, most inclusive child you could imagine because of her experiences. I've managed to keep working part time throughout, thanks to a very flexible employer, and thankfully our marriage did not suffer.

Acropolis49 · 08/06/2025 12:19

Also to add, he was on Risperidone and another similar med for a while, both of which worked really well to begin with for behaviours, but neither were effective after time.

Sleepdeprivedmamma · 08/06/2025 21:12

Davros · 08/06/2025 11:12

I do feel for you. My DS is nearly 30! He has ASD and severe learning disability (I don’t use the word “difficulty”, it’s too sanitised).
my first recommendation is to look up the Challenging Behaviour Foundation, it is an amazing charity with lots of resources.
When DS was young we found many special needs and/or ASD sessions such as swimming, trampolining, yoga, adventure playground etc. We are in London and I didn’t have other children at the time so I would go to anything and everything. In my day, the purpose of short breaks was to give you a budget to use as you wish, we did not get allocated anything by the LA on direct payments although they ran a few holiday sessions separately. I think you will have to try to find helpers yourself if you can e.g. staff at school, university students (especially psychology), local six formers etc, much easier in a busy location. The other thing that was transformative, although people often resist, is medication. Don’t dismiss it, no-one wants to use medication but almost everyone I know did eventually. Wishing you hope and love

@Davros thank you for replying x

we do try to do new things with her but shes very set on what she will do a few select things . I was so suprised when she wanted to stay at the group last half term !
we try - feel so suffocated in this very limited mostly at home with meltdowns routine.

great idea about where to look to hire someone ourselves thank you!

i used to be very against the idea of medication but the more we have learnt about it we would be open to trying x

OP posts:
Sleepdeprivedmamma · 08/06/2025 21:15

Davros · 08/06/2025 11:14

I forgot to say, the most important thing is communication. Whether that is Makaton, pictures, schedules etc or all of the above.

With regards to communication she is now using a communication board shes doing so well with this x

OP posts:
creapie · 08/06/2025 21:17

It will peek in her teens, that was a stressful time for my whole family with two kids being autistic but late teens it starts to get better for parents but only because they are masking better. Inside it’s still very tough for them.

Sleepdeprivedmamma · 08/06/2025 21:17

wlv12 · 08/06/2025 11:17

My son is 18 now and yes things have got more manageable … I think some issues I’d worried about didn’t come to fruition - eg he was very challenging and physically violent and I worried a lot about when he was bigger than me but the reality is, he’s had so much therapy through school and we have gotten better with helping him cope with meltdowns that he is rarely physically violent now. He mainly cries and panics and needs a lot of support but I can deescalate better now than when he was younger.

We have struggled with getting respite and carers and I have recently struggled with how much he is attached to me and how rigid his routine is, also he needs support 24/7 so if I need to pop out he has to come with me and he can’t go out alone. Sometimes that feels a bit stifling and a bit ‘forever’ but then I relax into it and I’m fine again.

@wlv12 thank you for replying x
did the ‘relax into it’ come with time because i have those ‘forever’ thoughts and spiral into panic x

OP posts:
Sleepdeprivedmamma · 08/06/2025 21:22

minnienono · 08/06/2025 11:24

Autism is so variable that nobody can really say in your case but I can tell you that my dd changed in her needs over time. My dd was diagnosed at 2 so young, but was mainstream educated with ta support as required through primary and mitigating measures in place for secondary (we were offered special school but refused because dd is very bright and the proposed school didn’t really do academic qualifications, dd has 12 GCSE’s at a or a star, a levels, degree…)

primary age was about having a calm atmosphere and noise management, great teacher in control of class really helped and they allowed her to spend time in library too. Secondary mental health issues started to really kick in so had weekly counselling, and that school had a unit built whilst she was there and she was the pupil advisor. Lunch time was tricky so they had special arrangements. Upper school (14+) she mostly worked from the school office rather than in class.

she doesn’t have adhd so that is helpful and one thing that has happened is she has continued to “grow up” well into her 20’s eg things a typical 12 year old “gets into” she started being interested in at 18/19, was 20 before showed an interest in boys, well men, and in 20’s she learned all kinds of everyday stuff that teens are typically doing, she’s happy, still studying but fully independent

@minnienono
thank you for replying x

made me smile to hear how well your daughter is doing you must be very proud x

OP posts:
Sleepdeprivedmamma · 08/06/2025 21:25

Hels20 · 08/06/2025 11:24

I really feel for you. We have two sons - 14 and 10. Both autistic and 10 year old has ADHD too. It is the ADHD that I find hardest to deal with. I would second a PP suggestion above about getting noise cancelling earphones for you. I also would second considering medication (there is an excellent thread on the SEN children board about medicine). The medication has seriously saved my sanity. He is calmer, more obedient etc when he is on his meds. I actually don’t know how I coped before. I was v reluctant to try medicine but the Doctor said that if you leave meds too late, then the children won’t learn!

separately, I have a v autistic cousin. Totally awful during his childhood (thinking taking a golf club and smashing neighbours’ sheds). By 17 he had become a delight and at 35 is the kindest, most thoughtful man I know. He manages to hold down a NMW job but has been employed since 18. So there is hope. Children can change.

@Hels20 thanks for replying x

gosh how is having two boys at pre-teen/teen age?

how old is too late to start for medication i wonder? She will be 7 in sept and at that point one year into the two year wait list to be seen/get adhd diagnosis. We looked into doing this private but we just cant afford it x

OP posts:
Sleepdeprivedmamma · 08/06/2025 21:27

Thenose · 08/06/2025 11:53

Your daughter might not get objectively easier to manage, but you will find her easier to manage as you gain confidence and expertise. What feels overwhelming now will one day feel familiar and doable. You'll know what she needs, how to respond and what isn't worth worrying about.

Our 13-year-old son is non-verbal, autistic and has learning disabilities. He's become objectively more challenging with every passing year, but we've become more skilled at meeting the challenge. We're able to meet his current needs better than we could meet his earlier ones because we've become more competent.

I should note, though, that his dad and I look after him 24/7; he's never attended school. I know other families whose children with similar needs leave for specialist school at the crack of dawn, come home late, and have help from social care at the weekends and holidays. Many of them haven't developed the expertise or confidence to care for their child, and it becomes much more difficult when they do have them. It doesn't get easier for them.

In my experience, the more parents try to hand the hard parts to others, the slower their learning curve becomes and the greater the chance their child will end up in full-time care. In that respect, support can become a vicious cycle. While it's a relief in the moment, over time, it can erode your skills and confidence to the extent that you don't believe you can care for your own child.

It's like hiking uphill with a heavy backpack. The slope might not get any easier - it may get steeper - but your legs will get stronger, and you'll learn which paths are worth taking. However, if you always hand your backpack to someone else, you'll never build the strength to carry it yourself. Then, when it's suddenly handed back, it feels just as overwhelming as it did at the start.

If you consistently do hard things, they eventually don't feel as hard.

@Thenose i admire you being his constant but i just cant. Without school i think i would of had a breakdown by now. she LOVES school now that she is in a specialist school x

OP posts:
Hels20 · 08/06/2025 21:30

The medicine has made a huge difference. It is not too late to start pre teens. My doctor just said he didn’t think I should wait until 14 or 15 because children will miss out on learning how to behave socially. I really feel for you but my cousin gives me hope. There are some hopeful stories.

Sleepdeprivedmamma · 08/06/2025 21:35

Perzival · 08/06/2025 11:53

Hi OP, I have a son with profound autism. It is hard, I think it gets easier when you've mourned for the different life that your child has and your family has compared to what should be.

I get frustrated with all the autism positivity on Facebook and other sm. Autism isn't a superpower and yes I would give my son a cure if I could. I think it helps to find other families in the same boat that understand even I'd it's a Facebook group for families with kids with severe/ profound autism. Everyone needs to he able to talk and for people not to judge and just get it.

Ask the LA if you can have the PA funding to spend in other ways that will help such as sensory toys or an iPad etc or whatever else may keep her occupied so you can get a cuppa. Contact a family is a good point of call for the wording.

We had a safeguarding issue with PA'S so our la is letting us use funding to take ds to a hotel so one of us can stay at home and rest while the other stays in the hotel (ds enjoys hotels) but you could ask for opposite so you or your dh/dp could get a night in a hotel for a break while the other stays at home. Not ideal I know but could be an option just for a little bit of a break.

Have you watched the programme 'there she goes'? It's worth a watch, you may or may not find some humour in it.

Do you have ot involved? Would a sensory area/ room help? Do you need any adaptations, help with mats or a bed for changing, a safe garden space so she can burn off some energy safely etc. Your family will be entitled to help with this from the la via a grant. There's also a charity called family fund which depending on income could help with hotel vouchers or sensory equipment etc

Try to find something you can all goto as a family and make some good memories, you don't want to look back and only see the bad.

Hi @Perzival thank you for replying x

See how long does the mourning take because i still get soo emotional about it and down about things she will never get to do or experience

i too get frustrated with this. I would absolutely take away autism if i could - why would i want my daughter to struggle? 🤯 i have friends with autistic children who very much disagree with me

see this is what scares me with the pa . We nearly had someone but the drama 🤯 long long story short one morning i woke to a message off my boss asking how i knew someone i was following on instagram (intended pa) turns out my boss’ family member had just left his wife for her they were having an affair. Too messy. Very small world.

ill look for that programme!

so she is under ot but its minimal it was to help as bathing her was really dangerous last year - i cant say they were any help! Shes still under them ill call and see how they could help

thank you for the memories advice that really struck me x

OP posts:
BiddyPopthe2nd · 08/06/2025 21:39

Sometimes it gets a bit easier as they get support that works for them and learn to manage themselves better.

but I think it’s probably fairer to say that you get to understand better and manage things around DC and the family better. But also that it will get different as they get older - emotions change, different issues come up, things that used to work stop working (sometimes permanently but often temporarily at least, and they might work again in a while when you get over the latest peak issue).

But you will always love them, even the times you might not like them or their behaviours in a moment/period of time. And you will be so proud of the things gs they do achieve and learn to ma age for themselves. Because you know how hard they work to get that achievement.

(Proud mum of a 19 yo with ADHD and ADD (would have been called Asperger’s if we were 6 months earlier getting DX’d), who finished school, is at uni in another country on her own and managing well, making friends, appearing so much more confident, seasoned traveller etc, and getting on fantastically at her main sport…but the number of phone calls we still get on a daily basis, and needing to talk through exactly how to do some things, or solve problems she’s caused herself, or be a listening ear from afar…so it’s different, rather than easier).

Sleepdeprivedmamma · 08/06/2025 21:40

Acropolis49 · 08/06/2025 12:17

Your situation sounds a lot like mine some years ago. I have 2 sons with ASD, but the eldest is severy learning disabled as well, with very challenging behaviour. He is almost 18. Also have a daughter born when he was 5.

He didn't get easier to manage, he got much harder, to the point that he moved into a residential setting age 16. Residential college is a common pathway for young people with complex challenges, but we had hoped to last until he was 18 or 19. Unfortunately covid lockdowns had a massive impact on our family and pushed us to crisis point.

Don't assume that the professionals have all the answers, in my experience they don't. If you believe you know what your child needs, be specific and ask them to help you achieve it. You know your child best.

Keep pursuing a personal budget, then recruit staff yourself, I used university students that already had a DBS (education, nursing etc), and also school staff in the holidays which worked well.

I can laugh now at the lengths we had to go to, to do normal family things like making a circle out of large windbreakers on the beach to contain him as he was a runner, and going to the park when it was pouring with rain with the kids in puddle suits, because I knew nobody else would be there as it was so challenging to manage him around other people especially children.

I haven't come here to say it is all doom and gloom because it is not. I love the bones of him. He has had some wonderful carers over the years who have become family friends, and my youngest child is the kindest, most inclusive child you could imagine because of her experiences. I've managed to keep working part time throughout, thanks to a very flexible employer, and thankfully our marriage did not suffer.

@Acropolis49 thank you for replying! X

your post made me smile we have done similair things in hopes of making things work!

is it ok to ask - residential college- does that mean he would come home after 2-3 years?

im currently on maternity leave but im clinging onto my job that ive had to significantly change the hours of. Its my sanity.

marriage. Cant say its not struggling under the pressure x

OP posts:
Sleepdeprivedmamma · 08/06/2025 21:43

BiddyPopthe2nd · 08/06/2025 21:39

Sometimes it gets a bit easier as they get support that works for them and learn to manage themselves better.

but I think it’s probably fairer to say that you get to understand better and manage things around DC and the family better. But also that it will get different as they get older - emotions change, different issues come up, things that used to work stop working (sometimes permanently but often temporarily at least, and they might work again in a while when you get over the latest peak issue).

But you will always love them, even the times you might not like them or their behaviours in a moment/period of time. And you will be so proud of the things gs they do achieve and learn to ma age for themselves. Because you know how hard they work to get that achievement.

(Proud mum of a 19 yo with ADHD and ADD (would have been called Asperger’s if we were 6 months earlier getting DX’d), who finished school, is at uni in another country on her own and managing well, making friends, appearing so much more confident, seasoned traveller etc, and getting on fantastically at her main sport…but the number of phone calls we still get on a daily basis, and needing to talk through exactly how to do some things, or solve problems she’s caused herself, or be a listening ear from afar…so it’s different, rather than easier).

@BiddyPopthe2nd thank you for replying x

so happy for your family she sounds like she is really thriving with a wonderful support network x

OP posts:
Pleaseshutthefuckup · 08/06/2025 21:46

Local Authorities often run specialist funded holiday activity clubs. I applied for one and has my child attend during holidays. They didn't always want to go but I needed a break. The activities were great and funded.

I wonder if music would help the screeches. Headphones and a music system like an old MP3 player. Or Alexa in her room.

Music tends to help my son with making loud noises and chills and quietens things. Exercise like the trampoline is a god send.

If you can find any place that gives you respite, take it. There are also charities they can offer activities. Barnados used to do alot in our area for SEN kids.

Perzival · 08/06/2025 21:46

Sleepdeprivedmamma · 08/06/2025 21:35

Hi @Perzival thank you for replying x

See how long does the mourning take because i still get soo emotional about it and down about things she will never get to do or experience

i too get frustrated with this. I would absolutely take away autism if i could - why would i want my daughter to struggle? 🤯 i have friends with autistic children who very much disagree with me

see this is what scares me with the pa . We nearly had someone but the drama 🤯 long long story short one morning i woke to a message off my boss asking how i knew someone i was following on instagram (intended pa) turns out my boss’ family member had just left his wife for her they were having an affair. Too messy. Very small world.

ill look for that programme!

so she is under ot but its minimal it was to help as bathing her was really dangerous last year - i cant say they were any help! Shes still under them ill call and see how they could help

thank you for the memories advice that really struck me x

I'm still struggling with the unfairness of it all so I don't know how long it takes but you do get more used to it and I guess deal with it better or not dwell on itas much. At least that's what I found. It also gets replaced with 'what happens in the future/ when I die?' Type worries (sorry for giving you that to think about if you're not there yet). We found sorting our wills and having a circle of friends to help with decisions when we're not here helped with this.

In regards to adaptions we had to go throughan la ot rather than nhs, they assess for the adaptations rather than work on helping with practicalities. I'm surprised you don't have more ot involvement though for sensory, motor skills, activities of daily living etc maybe worth looking into.

Definitely try to make some memories, it was advice I was given and I'm so glad of it. I think I'd only have very bad memories if not and that's not what life is about. Xx

hellooomynameisbillyballoonhead · 08/06/2025 21:59

@Sleepdeprivedmammatry to go down the right to choose pathway for the ADHD diagnosis, the wait should be less. Due to a monumental fluff up in the referral my DD was only referred for ADHD - this didn't become clear until very late in the list - we got to the appointment and they diagnosed her there and then with ADHD but said they thought she was also autistic although lacked the paperwork; they then put her on the ASD pathway. By this point it had been clear to us she was Audhd for around 3 years

At this point, I requested a right to choose referral for autism diagnosis only (through my gp who has had little involvement with this side of my DD). Her ADHD care has continued as normal (medication, medication reviews etc) however she is on the much shorter route to the physical ASD diagnosis.

We have only trialled ADHd medication at the moment however the one prescribed doesn't suit her (we did expect that as she was put on medikinet and due to her personality we didn't think a stimulant was the way to go). She is incredibly impulsive and "full on" this particular medication exacerbated this greatly which, in turn, exacerbated the crash/meltdown when it wore off.

DD is very verbal and high masking when at school/with relatives etc, the signs she's overstimulated or struggling may not be clear to the un-initiated but as she's got older she's finding it harder to maintain the mask - In turn this has increased her meltdowns ....I think anyway! She stims alot and often they are screeches but can also be random words shouted at full volume repetitively when you least expect it.

We're in the trenches too - currently at the point of trying every strategy known to man kind to manage (sensory sock has been a hit- obviously won't use it when in meltdown because, you know, it might help) whilst simultaneously praying to god's we don't really follow that things will get better. Tell us to worship a tea pot at 11.16 every day if we want salvation.....we'd probably try it 🤣

I second what a previous poster said, I wear one earbuds with my music on when things are bad, it helps to centre me and drown it out! I've also found that maintaining a very level voice if I speak and phrases like "danger" + brief explanation of why have helped when she's in the depths of a meltdown (I appreciate that's not your question!)

In terms of your question about school, she doesn't cope well with mainstream - she has aot of interventions and there is no way she will cope in mainstream secondary. Unfortunately out area is one of (if not THE) worst areas for an ehcp so it will be a battle sorting that one out!

Sleepdeprivedmamma · 08/06/2025 22:07

Pleaseshutthefuckup · 08/06/2025 21:46

Local Authorities often run specialist funded holiday activity clubs. I applied for one and has my child attend during holidays. They didn't always want to go but I needed a break. The activities were great and funded.

I wonder if music would help the screeches. Headphones and a music system like an old MP3 player. Or Alexa in her room.

Music tends to help my son with making loud noises and chills and quietens things. Exercise like the trampoline is a god send.

If you can find any place that gives you respite, take it. There are also charities they can offer activities. Barnados used to do alot in our area for SEN kids.

Edited

@Pleaseshutthefuckup thank you for replying x

yes so this is what we tried april half term - shes never with anyone but me or school i was so worrie. She loved it.
i cried when it wasnt on last week. How pathetic.
wondering how many sessions is too many to
book her on for the summer

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