To not feed DC food provided by my DF?

[Notmycircusnotmyotter]

My father is wonderful. He's also elderly with poor eye sight and low energy levels. When I was growing up everything was cooked from scratch but now when DC (4 and 2) visit he buys god awful pasta-based ready meals for them. I just don't eat while there. I get it - it takes the stress out for him and when it's a bit of lunch every other week I don't mind them eating rubbish.

We're staying over tonight. He's gone out for an hour. Am I awful for not cooking the horror shows he's bought for them and instead making some plain pasta with veg from the fridge?

other details - my mum died when I was young so not a factor here, money is not a problem at all, I would never ever ever be rude or make a point, I'll do it quietly and say they weren't that hungry.

Depends if he's allocated that veg to a different meal. If cooking already stresses him out you using ingredients won't help. You could nip out and get something else though.

How often are you eating there? Do the children like them.
Even if it’s every week, one ready meal a week isn’t going to harm them.
What will you do with the meal
instead, surely he’ll notice you’ve not eaten it? Please don’t just throw them out.

Your poor dad should not have to worry about feeding your kids - he is elderly, widowed, has poor eyesight and has low energy.

Can't you say you will look after the dinner when ypu visit and cook something for all of you (with leftovers for him to have the next day)?

How often are you there and wouldn't it have made more sense to bring some stuff with you to cook?

What exactly is it that he has bought that is so awful?

The odd ready meal is fine surely?

Can’t you just cook for all of you whilst you’re there or just get take out ? As a treat ?

‘Horror shows’ is a very OTT way to describe a pasta ready meal. Sounds ideal to me but if you prefer to give them plain pasta then just do that.

I offer to cook every time. I bring him food and toiletries, I do 90% of his admin, I tell him every single time he doesn't need to worry about feeding them/us but he always buys this crap. I've gently told him not to but he doesn't listen.

please don't think I expect him to do more. I look after him and tell him not to worry before we visit every every single time. We visit about every other week and I have him to stay for weeks on end as much as he will visit, picking him up, dropping him off, giving him my room.

and yet there's always this awful Frankenfood. Cheap shite full of awfulness. I wouldn't give it to a dog.

im just asking if im unreasonable to not give it to the kids and instead make them something simple?

The odd kid friendly ready meal isn’t an issue. Certainly if all the alternative is is a bit of pasta!

I think you should start bringing a meal you’ve prepared for all of you to eat. I ember when my grab was elderly, she used to get very stressed if my mum and I were going to visit around a mealtime - we’d have to make it clear we weren’t expecting to be fed.

Also the occasional ready meal won’t hurt them.

Such a none issue ….

take your own food. Make more and leave some for him to pop in the freezer. He’s trying to accommodate and you’re ungrateful.

You’re being ridiculous and horribly ungrateful

You still haven't actually said what it is that he has bought. Do you have a link or a picture of the offending ready meal?

Well said x

No, you're not awful and you sound like a lovely daughter. There must be some way of getting your message across though. Obviously he's trying to "pay you back" in some way with the food but could you not tell some sort of white lie about allergies or something?

You’re a rude snob.

Wouldn’t give it to a dog indeed. Some people rely on ready meals. Some people aren’t able to cook from scratch.

Rude judgy and nasty.

So once a fortnight, your father provides a frozen Farmfoods / Savers / Iceland pasta ready meal for your children.

What is HE eating himself every single day of the week ?

It sounds like your father is struggling, and ready meals are his way of dealing with something he finds difficult. They're hardly poison, they're just a solution.

@Shopaholic80please see my second post. I offer to cook every time. I bring him cooked
food, toiletries, groceries, do everything I can to help in every possible way (while working FT as single parent to two pre schoolers). I've told him
not to buy this shit. He doesn't listen.

@rainbowunicornbudget supermarket pasta ready meal with low quality meat and a lot of non-recognisable ingredients:

What supermarket child’s ready meal is it specifically?

Next time you come, you say “right dad, I’m going to cook tonight, not taking no for an answer”. Sounds like he’s trying to do his best. I’m sure his feelings would be hurt if he heard what you thought of his food.

@londongirl12I do this every time. He doesn't listen. He says no. His feelings would indeed be hurt and I would never say a word because I would hate to hurt him.. It's a shame because he was a fabulous cook.

@StMarie4mesome people rely on them. Some people smoke around children. Some people gamble. Some people hurt others. Doesn't mean we all have to when we have other options.

I feel pretty bad for the father. This just seems rude.

Don't use the veg unless you know it's not allocated for another meal.