Financial Suppot to Parent in Ukraine - WWYD?

[CeRaVie]

Parents in their early 70s, mobile with a car, independent, relatively fit for their age. I have supported them financially since 2019 with monthly payments to supplement their pension and bigger sums for birthdays and emergencies. My biggest transfer to them was about £5k when father got sick and needed extensive treatment. State healthcare is very basic. I live in the UK.

Last night their city was attacked for the first time. Luckily, they were away at their dacha, so got back home to balcony windows blown out. I was told that the damage is £3k. I am not sure what to do. Partly, this seems like a lot of money for glass replacement. Also, there is every chance it will happen again (pray not worse). I am not sure they fully understand that £3k is a lot of money here too. Fixing balcony windows is not critical as they have been installed to create extra covered space, the flat windows are intact. War sentiments aside, how would you handle this?

For what it’s worth, father is a nasty, toxic individual and mother is a controlling martyr but I feel obliged to support them. I have offered to relocate them here in late 2021 but they laughed it off.

I would say you’re really sorry that happened but think it’s best to look at a replacement in the future when things are more settled, given the flat is still water tight and secure.

I don’t think relocating them would make things any easier for you.

I think @Nospecialcharacterspleaseis exactly correct. Are they transparent with their finances? Is your help essential or preferential?

Are they short of money?
Its not unusual for people to think everyone here is very rich and have lots of money to spend
Also, why support them at all if they are so awful?

Are they directly asking for money?

They are not short, have always been frugal and sort of happy to cut their cloth. I am very different and have always been materialistic and ambitious, so I can’t let them struggle without. I suppose if I didn’t leave the country (and worked my ass off here), it is possible that they would have been supporting me financially there as I raised a child on my own. We will never know.

They do not ask outright but put out loaded statements. Part of me worries that they see me as endless supply but I also have a grown DD to help set up. I think despite all my inner turmoil of still trying to be a fixer, I will have to be pragmatic on this one as their healthcare is likely to be my big next expense. If my mother goes first, I am not sure how to deal with him, I feel nothing kind towards him. But this is for the therapist if I ever earn enough for everything.