Incompetence!

[Bitterlemons3]

Does anyone else's partner act completely incompetent when not told exactly what to do?! But then when you treat them as they are incompetent they get annoyed?!?! Drives me up the walls!!!

No.

Also no. My partner is very competent.

I have a very competent partner. He's more competent than me in many ways (although not all).

No, you're doing it wrong. You have to say.....

"Aw, don't worry about it sweetie, you pop off and do your important, manly tasks and I'll do this because I enjoy it" 😘

I’m sure many other people’s partners do act like that, yes.

Mine doesn’t personally, no.

Mine is pretty competent. He's a fully grown adult, so apart from being practical at DIY and 'man' stuff he's perfectly competent at cleaning the loo, cooking and doing laundry.

It would drive me mad being married to someone who needs a Mum to tell them step by step how to do stuff.

Well mine does, although he doesn’t get annoyed when I pull him up on it. But he’s brilliant in other ways and I love the bones of him, so I just nag at him until it’s done.

Im not perfect at other things and he picks up my slack, we compliment each others failings. Like a partnership.

No. My male partner is way more competent than me(female) - especially at cleaning!

Google "weaponised incompetence". He can and would be able to do 99% of the things he currently doesn't if he wanted to.

I assume this man works and isn't incompetent at his job?

Probably because it was deliberate ‘weaponised incompetence’ so when you get annoyed and explain how it should have been done, they get angry and frustrated because they actually do know but can’t tell you that so just throw a hissy fit!

My DH has advised international organisations and the government about very complex issues. He can use the dishwasher and the washing machine and can iron a shirt. Other practical tasks are beyond his ken. It has never been an issue, I just pay other people to do them with his money.

I was thinking about this this morning, and I do think that with work, men especially have a HELL of a lot of structure supporting them (which includes a lot of women) to do their jobs well.

So although I see the point of the argument, I don't think there's an exact equivalence. For example, I had a male colleague who'd refer to the steps/procedure tracker every time we did a process - except we needed to do it 3-400 times each over a few weeks and it was very simple. I internalised it and did it much faster.

I'm not saying it's a male/female thing, but lots of stuff at work supports people with medium executive functioning skills in a way that you don't get on the fly with a kid or at home.

No, I wouldn't find that attractive in the slightest, so wouldn't have gone past one date.
Your partner doesn't sound like he's an actual partner who enhances your life and makes it easier and fun?

Well, not many dates involved competency tasks, do they?

Maybe they should!

I wouldn't know. I don't tolerate shit behaviour from men, so the merest hint of misogyny, slovenliness or low intellect is an immediate nope.

This boyfriend is acting so stupid that he can't even think about basic tasks, and needs to make that a woman's problem. Ick.

They don't like being told what to do....

No, because I married a fully functioning adult who doesn’t need guidance at every turn. I couldn’t be in a relationship like you’ve described.

It was much less obvious for DH before he retired and before his health took a significant downturn in late 70’s. Just no energy to do anything much and absolutely no interest in making things easy for himself.

It’s still a mystery to me why he would insist on not making adjustments or making occasional unsuccessful attempts before giving up. Sigh.