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How to help lonely DD12

4 replies

TotallyUninspired · 06/06/2025 10:36

My DD12 has struggled throughout year 7 on the periphery of a friendship group that she didn’t really fit into. She’s bright, funny and kind, but a little shy. She often felt left out of the group, but talking to them about it made no difference so she tried to foster other friendships. This put the group’s collective nose out of joint, and they have been horrible to her ever since. It has tipped over into bullying now.

The last few weeks have been particularly awful. She says she has no friends in her form at all. She is very close to her older sister, who often lets her spend break or lunch time with her and her friends, but she spends many lunchtimes alone and wandering about. She has no confidence in herself and is miserable.
I’ve been in contact with the pastoral team, who have suggested a few things. We’re contemplating whether to move her to a different form, but there is no obvious candidate at the moment. I’ve tried to ensure she spends time with old friends from primary school (who went to a different school) and am trying to get her involved in more extra-curricular activities.

It is heartbreaking to see her like this. Does anyone have any positive stories or advice to share?

OP posts:
Banjobollo · 06/06/2025 10:58

Sorry to hear this, sounds really hard for you both. My daughter is in year 7 and has made a few new friends by joining clubs like drama and football at the school so I would definitely encourage that if there is anything she is interested in. I’m sure she will find her people soon, there seems to be lots of movement in friendships during year 7. If not a change of tutor group might be a good fresh start once a place comes up.

julesover40 · 06/06/2025 11:11

Its so heartbreaking hearing things like this. My DD is year 8 and I see how friendship dynamics change. Like PP suggested could she join some lunchtime/ after school clubs? DD school has volunteer librarians every lunchtime, which is ideal for the kids that want to be kept busy but not into the traditional sports clubs etc.
Also as its nearly the summer holidays, is there maybe one or two girls from her 'group' that she does get on well with? if so, try and encourage one on one time over the holidays to strengthen those friendships away from the larger group.

TotallyUninspired · 06/06/2025 11:37

Thank you both. She is closer to one girl in the group (though the others are currently doing their best to turn her against my DD). She doesn't care about being popular - all she wants is a couple of friends she can trust.

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Banjobollo · 06/06/2025 12:51

Just to add my daughter got ousted from a friendship group in year 5…it was actually boys rather than girls. She had a tough few weeks but she found a new group of girls who have remained friends so it worked out for the best in the end. She’s friendly with the boys again now through scouts and it’s like the issues never happened!

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