I need to give less of a fuck, could antidepressants help with this?

[Picklingwalnuts]

For most of my life I have been a chronic worrier. I suffer with awful anxiety, am very much a people pleaser, reagrdless of how much that impacts my own mental health and I really do seem to be an emotional sponge for other people's issues. Goes without saying that it's pretty draining.

Not sure why I have been this way and I have had endless CBT and counselling over the years but here I am at 52 and feeling exhausted by it all. I will add that I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD so not sure if that has any bearing to all the above?

However, the last 6 years have been quite brutal to my mental health and I spend most days in a state of constant hand ringing, over thinking and perpetually concerning myself about the welfare of those around me, that includes my 19 and 17 year old dc, my dh and my parents. My parents are my biggest source of stress as they are elderly and mum has Alzheimer's. I help care for her and despite having help with carers etc it's hard bloody work as my father has narcissistic tendencies and refuses to spend their money on extra help and seems oblivious to the stress that his stubbornness causes my sister and I but that is a whole other thread, which I have started before.

And despite living as healthily as I possibly can I am still struggling with this awful weary and draining negative and melancholy thinking but I am scared of taking antidepressants as I suffer from awful digestive issues (which have been so much worse since my stress levels have soared) and I am very apprehensive they will exacerbate my daily gut issues as I struggle to live a normal life with these symptoms. However, I often hear people say they took antidepressants and it 'numbed' them. I know that isn't a side effect that most would particularly enjoy but the thought of being numb to my overthinking and over sensitive brain sounds quite appealing tbh.

Could this work for me? But how can I overcome the fear that I have, the fear these meds could make me feel even worse than I do already?

You sound a lot like me when I’m not on my meds. In my (extensive) experience, some ADs will make this worse not better. Any SSRI gives me insomnia and makes the anxiety worse.
As you mentioned, the numbness (or “emotional blunting” as it’s known) is not actually the aim with ADs, it’s a side effect and normally an unwanted one since it dulls the positive feelings too.
The best way to get it is with sedative antidepressants (eg mirtazapine) and/ or antidepressants balanced out with a low dose of an antipsychotic (eg olanzapine).
But the truth is not only does it dull the good emotions too, it often comes with other side effects along the lines of: fatigue, sleeping too much, increased appetite, weight gain, poor concentration, memory problems, apathy and it can affect relationships with others.
For me, it is the lesser of two evils but I was so bad before I ended up having a breakdown.
This seems to be the best I can achieve but it’s far, far from ideal.
Some of the problems I have like not looking after myself properly and being very inactive - physically and socially - it hasn’t helped in that I have now even less motivated to improve those things.
Instead I just don’t think about it much or care.
I’m not working, nor would I be able to work like this.

I am actually still depressed, it’s just mild now and honestly it is not a great way to live or something to aim for.
The best thing is to just go to your GP, explain how you feel and see what they suggest. Be sure to explain about your GI issues and they will take that into account.

Yes, I went on sertraline a year ago, and it really does help me give less of a fuck about what my unpleasant father says and does.

As above, people react differently to SSRIs (to any meds really) but I got lucky with that one and it has been life-enhancing.

What helped me was not giving a fuck and excepting who i was.

Please start listening to some Mel Robbins podcasts. They’ve helped me sooo much. I was a huge people pleaser and would worry about what EVERYONE thought of me and wanted to be liked by everyone.
Now, I give much less of a fuck. I understand your situation is different to mine, but could be worth a try for you.