Is there any such thing how to kindly end a friendship ? How would you want to be broken up with ?

[Freedomseeker2025]

Just doenst seem to be an easy way to ever break off a friendship

What are the reasons? If they aren't too harsh you could maybe just tell them.

What generally seems to happen is that one party stops responding to calls, texts etc. It becomes apparent, after some time, that the friendship is at an end.

I'd much rather be told. Being left hanging is horrendous. We constantly berate men for ghosting us and a friendship is no different in my opinion. Please just let them know you aren't interested, have drifted apart, don't really have much in common or don't have time to continue the friendship. Don't just stop responding.

Reasons being, nagging with little put downs, that get worse over time, always wanting their own way, selfishness, jealously and less and less things in common

Negging

If they are complaining about you and putting you down, use that.
"I feel that we have quite different levels of expectations in life and were just not on the same page right now. Can we have some space?" Then you've told her in a non brutal way and that's also your queue to step out as you need the rest of your life as the space. If she asks for specifics just replay one if her insults. Eg you say I talk to much, fart in public, my eyebrows are too dark and i just need some time to reflect ( on what a bitch you are)

You have plenty of reasons to stop this friendship. I think it's harder if someone's just really boring - how do you tell them that?

If someone is treating you badly, don't worry about stopping contact. In that position I'd do a fast retreat. I wouldn't reply to messages very quickly, I wouldn't give away any personal information, I wouldn't do any favours like childcare or lending money, and I would never be the first to instigate contact.

The best I have found is “I can’t make -thing you have invited me to-. I’m pulling back a bit from socialising just now, let me be in touch if I’m up for doing something.” Which I was happy with at the time, but I now just have two people getting in touch at intervals to suggest things anyway. Not sure.

I feel like if I say the reasons, it will, be like an attack and I don't really wanna do that, but then I feel harsh for just distancing and then saying sorry I can't make it to xyz as I'm busy until they give up.

I'm just trying to figure out the kindest way to end a friendship

I would just say
'Linda, I've really enjoyed the times we've had together and the madness of it all, but I need to move on now, and suspect you do too, so, enjoy the madness you incur, and as a boring old fart, look forward to hearing about your exploits! '
May not be all technically correct, but gives her a boost whilst letting you off the hook?

I always disagree with this. Selfishness, little put downs and general crap behaviour shouldn't have to be explained to adults and it isn't the OP's responsibility.

I would ghost.

Selfishness in the sense of always doing what she wants to do, like what restaurant, or what bar, or what food to order or what musoc to listen to in the house or car etc, basically wanting everything her way

Why are you worried about hurting the feelings of someone who doesn’t give a toss for yours?

I understand that you may not want to stoop to her level because you are a decent person, but I think there’s no need to be the kind of person who, for example, apologises when someone barges into you.

I think I’d go with a direct ‘I’m cutting down on socialising for a while, I’ll be in touch when I’m ready to pick it up again.’

Guess because I just wanna do it in the least bad way as possible, but either option slow fade or saying why both seem hurtful

I agree with this.

Was recently ghosted by a friend (well, someone I'd dated - was complicated) and it really hurt. Better to just be honest and this doesn't sound too brutal.

Just say there's nothing for her to be concerned about but you're having a total break/detox for a while and when you're ready, you'll be in touch.
If she pushes you for a reason tell her the truth.

You can also phrase it as I need to choose things for myself. When we do things, I don't get to choose because we do the things you want to do so I'm taking a break to do the things I want.
I agree with replaying her criticisms of you as a previous poster suggested.

Dear Linda - I need to step back from our friendship and focus on myself for a while. I’ll be in touch if that changes. All the best. Freedom.

I would want to be told

I can see that you @Freedomseeker2025 have reasons that would sound like a personal attack

In that situation, I suppose telling the truth or not depends whether or not she would change her behaviour and whether that would be enough for you. I tend to think that sounds like a very selfish behaviour so someone just changing it because they were called out on it might not have value

I have told somebody that their chronic lateness makes it impossible to maintain a friendship. We are talking about someone who would leave you standing around for two hours. She did change her behaviour. We are no longer friends for other reasons. In the end, we just didn't suit each other in a lot of ways. I did end it by explaining that.

So I would definitely want to hear whatever the reasons were.

I really hate that thing where somebody just ghost you or bread crumbs you.

You sound like a really lovely person as you are worried about hurting your ‘friend’ and to be frank your ‘friend’ doesn’t!

I wouldn’t give it as much headspace as you are doing because I bet if the situation was reversed and your ‘friend’ wanted to end things it sounds like she would be very blunt and tell you in a not very nice way.

I think in situations like this a slow fade is the way to go. Don’t instantly reply to messages, say you are unavailable for meet ups etc, I would only say the real reason if she pushed for it!!

I did think of saying something like, hey, our interests have kinda changed over time, we've had alot of nice times in the past and I'm wishing you well, but I feel like we're kinda done here.....

Guessing that would only lead to why, what are you talking about
Etc

I mean does anyone ever hear something like that and say OK, well thanks for all the good times we've shared, I'm also wishing all the best for you to

And part nicely

Unless you want endless drama, just become less available and you’ll naturally drift apart.

I think it’s weird af to break up with friends. But maybe it’s a generational thing.

Tbh telling someone who's being a twat that they're being a twat and you're done is OK.

If they are hurt then they are hurt by the consequences of their actions and maybe they'll stop being a twat in future.

I'd just meet up less and less often, and gradually drift apart. Isn't that the natural dynamic of a friendship that isn't really working out? It seems a bit overly formal and involved to have any kind of break-up conversation, as if it were a failed relationship with a dating partner etc.

How long have you known her?