Does anyone feel that they don't know their mum?

[SchoolIssues25]

Growing up my mum was volatile. She was quite dismissive like if I ever wanted to tell her something she'd just say oh well or be the other end of the spectrum and over react. I soon learnt that neither reaction was great so stopped telling her things. I feel like even as an adult I never know her real feelings on things. Does anyone resonate with this ?

I completely understand this. My mum was the same. She was either completely uninterested with a lack of empathy or almost too interested with a very critical view on things I had done. My mum is still the same now. I don’t feel our relationship is healthy.

Me. I’ve just gone no contact with my mum again as I find her so draining and disappointing. I know I need to accept she’s probably got some kind of personality disorder due to her childhood and she can show interest and be kind at times but then goes back to being cold, judgemental and mean. I don’t tell her anything as I know it could be used against me later or she’ll gossip to her friends and my sister about it behind my back with patronising glee disguised as faux concern. I don’t think there is much to know about my mum really other than she’s very self serving. I feel like it’s me she doesn’t know as I won’t let her in any more

I feel that my mother doesn’t know me rather than the other way around. She too was very volatile growing up. She is very self absorbed, negative and mean spirited. She used me as an emotional crutch from a very early age and she has never shown any interest in me or my life or anyone else’s for that matter. I find our relationship very painful and feel incredibly drained after only a short time in her company.

As I get older I realise that I don't really like my parents which is sad.

I'm like a pp and feel that actually my mother doesn't know me at all. Considering she's had around 60 years to do so, and is now late 80s herself I've given up expecting her to understand me at all.

We are very different people - she is absolutely one track minded. Her way is the right way and anyone else's opinion or feelings is dismissed as 'Nonsense. You'll enjoy it'. This ignored the fact that I'm an introvert who finds other people, crowds and a very busy atmosphere difficult and draining to handle.

Growing up any suggestion that I didn't want to go or wasn't enjoying an outing was greeting with eye rolling and 'Oh here we go again - Hatty is SO difficult!'

No, Mother. I just don't enjoy a 16 hour drive to Frankfurt trapped in a 1960s Volkswagon Beetle happily joining in the singing of Gilly Gilly Ossenfeffer Katzenellen Bogen by the Sea with you and my siblings. I find it hellish.

We have a thread called ' We took you to STATELY HOMES' wherein we have very difficult situations, usually with mothers, who are usually personality disordered.

It can take a lifetime to begin to realise the truth of who they are, what we didn't fully realise and trying to unravel why we feel as we do. It is typical to have huge questions and barriers in relationship with them.