Worried about 17 year old daughter and boyfriend. Advice needed.

[Hairisbad]

For over 6 months DD 17 has been seeing a boy 17 of Turkish descent.
He is normally friendly polite and his family are treating DD kindly.
But he has started to tell her not to wear bright colours or shorts.
We went to a family party on Saturday and he was stopping her from dancing.
I got her up to dance and he had the most awful look on his face.
They both attend the same college and today he's told her she was an embarrassment she came home crying.
I've just said that as it is her life she and only her decides what to wear and if she wants to dance that's fine.
I know that if I tell her to finish with him as he is showing controlling ideas it might push her to stay with him.
Help.

What.that is totally unacceptable.
Too right He is barred from your house But this could turn into us ( your DD and awful BF) and them ( you and her Dad ) I would contact the police about his exercising coercive control/ even to ask their advice??
The us and them scenario could appear really romantic to your Dd. He is just awful and so is his Dad.
Thinking of you OP. Its a terrible situation

Ask boyfriend around for a roast and have your DH take bf aside for a walk around the block and state how men treat women in your family.
Talk about his daughter's right to dance, to wear colours and that she is not to come home crying about constraints that he puts on her. Remind the boyfriend that you live in Britain not the Middle East.

Speak up while you can.

Ask DD how she wants her own daughter to be able to dress and if she would like her called a whore if she were to dance.

Well it's not surprising that he tried to stop her from dancing and telling her how to dress if he has grown up with a father who says such things.

How is your daughter reacting and how did he tell her about his dad's comments?

I hope this has opened her eyes to the expectations that this boy has been brought up with and doesn't appear to be rejecting.

If it hasn't and she is still pining for this boy, I would tread gently. Fair enough not to want the boy in your house when he has (presumably) shown his dad videos of you both dancing for the purpose of shocking him so he could see how outrageous you are. But gently ask her under what circumstances it would be appropriate to judge and label someone for how they dress and act or try to enforce someone else's strict moral values and rules on another person. And why would the boy show his dad this video. And why a grown man would call a teenage girl a whore.

I would speak to the school. This is unacceptable and needs reporting. It is grooming of a child.

It's absolutely NOT a red herring. Don't minimise the cultural aspect just because a 'nice white English boy' might be a controlling piece of shit. He's already clearly demonstrated his upbringing and cultural expectation along with his personal (and family) belief.

Your daughter is not an obedient third class silent servant. I'm sure she doesn't want to be either.

"I love you" does not equal "you and your mother are whores".