This happened a little while ago now, I suppose there isn't any point in me going over it but I don't think I processed it at the time. For some reason it's been playing on my mind and I've never really talked to anyone about it and just wanted to get it out I guess.
My ex and I were together for 13 years. We didn't start trying for kids till around 4 years before the end of the relationship due to career building and other things in life. In the space of 2/3 years, I'd got pregnant 5 times, each ending in a miscarriage, most of these being between 9 - 13 weeks. This had a really negative effect on our relationship, he acted very supportive and looked after me but our sex life became pretty non existent, bar the times around ovulation time. I just became really laser focused on getting pregnant and I guess I just lost interest in sex around this time except as I say, when I was ovulating. I knew he was getting frustrated with this, he was getting angry at little things etc but I was kind of selfishly wrapped up in my own feelings about pregnancy/miscarriages etc.
The last miscarriage was towards the end of our relationship. Basically we broke up, the next night he was on online dating, he met up with this woman the following day and slept with her the day after. I found out I was pregnant the same day that he slept with her (3 days after our breakup). I told him and he did ask if I wanted to get back together but I said no, as I was in a bit of a state tbh thinking that I had to prepare for another miscarriage. So he continued to sleep with this woman for a few weeks after this.
At around 10 weeks i think it was, I found out I'd miscarried again. He was still sleeping with her at this point, I didn't have a clue at this point that there was another woman, we hadn't spoken for a few weeks, however we were split up. He came round to mine to sit with me the night that i found out I'd miscarried and we ended up sleeping together and he stayed the night. I found a condom in his pocket the next morning (I grabbed his coat to stick on to take the dog out for a quick walk) and I felt like I was having a panic attack when i found it as i kmew it meant he'd slept with someone else. I asked him about it and he kept telling me it was only the once. In my blind panic, I said I wanted to get back together and he said he didn't know, he'd have to think about it (I later learned that he had told this woman that his ex was early on pregnant and she had finished with him, so he was waiting to meet up with this woman to chat about it all to see if she wanted to continue with him, if she didn't then he'd get back with me).
I had to go into hospital on the Monday to get a procedure to get rid of the remaining tissue and asked him to come with me. He said no, he got quite annoyed by it and said that he was busy that day, had a project he was working on (he was wfh so he could've taken a break and the project wasn't in any way urgent, his boss really flexible so taking a day off shouldn't have been an issue). I later on found out the real reason he couldn't come with me; he had arranged to meet this woman on that same day to see if she'd consider staying or at least continuing on a friendship. My cousin ended up coming to the hospital with me that day however as far as he knew, I was going alone. I kept messaging him straight after it but he wasn't answering, I think he was with her.
The past couple of weeks I've been dreaming about it all. 3 times in the past week. I don't know if I didn't process it at the time. I went through a lot of childhood abuse so can't always tell if someone is treating me badly or not, I always seem to think that it is me being the unreasonable one. So I guess I'm just trying to process it now, especially with these dreams coming out of nowhere.
Did he do anything wrong? He kept saying he'd done nothing wrong, that we were broken up and he wasn't cheating and was doing nothing wrong. That he was busy and that's why he couldn't come to the hospital with me, that he had done nothing wrong. Am I being unreasonable in thinking that he was in the wrong or were my expectations of him too high? I just feel I need to get it straight in my head and process it, as I've just kind of buried it deep down, before leaving it behind.