Improving self esteem (DD8)

[ReallyShouldBeDoingSomethingElse]

DD is 8 and is struggling with low self esteem.

She hasn't found her clan at school and thinks this is because there is something wrong with her.

Also, if I have to tell her she has done something wrong at home she seems wounded and sometimes will say she's just 'bad'. I'm always careful to comment on a specific action rather than saying 'You're xyz' but this doesn't seem to make any difference. I am careful to tell her when she does things that are good/helpful/kind but it's just not enough and I'm looking for resources we/she could use to help her view of herself.

She probably will eventually receive an asd and ADHD diagnosis but we could be years from that. In the meantime the most urgent issue is a self esteem one.

Any recommendations for books or online resources?

This sounds really like my daughter, also ASD/ADHD. Very sensitive to perceived criticism.

The one thing that I found really helped her, as well as what you're doing, was to have really positive conversations about her so that it wasn't obvious and it was as if she was "over hearing". Taking the non direct approach really helped because she cottoned on to the obvious praising or said "well you have to say that, you're my mum". I'd let the other person know, and would have a phonecall on loud speaker in the next room "oh xxs teacher said to me she did a lovely peice of work the other day, and I said that I'm often very impressed with her artwork, she's very artistic" that type of thing.

Thanks for your reply @Sayithowiseeit

I will engineer some conversations in DD's earshot. Now I think of it I have a friend who always starts a phone call telling me of her DCs' achievements and I'm now wondering if it was deliberate on her part!