WWYD I'm coming into money and I'm getting tting flack.

[MutedMavis]

NC for this but long time poster.
I'm coming into a significant amount of money through a share sale.
I've told a couple of friends. They've been incredibly bitchy about it.
Part of the deal is I have to stay on with the company for three years. They cautioned me it's too much at my age (I'm younger than them by 3/6 years). The money will give me lots of freedom and my husband can retire. We've both been ill.

When I met these ladies we lived in a very large house (with extended family) but we sold it due to the crash. We've had some really hard times due to caring responsibilities and redundancies.
We are going to buy a bigger house which will elicit comments. I can cope with the lotto jokes but it's nastier than that.
I'm bloody dreading it. I had years of being the under dog and it seems like I need to stay there.
Fwiw one is a titled lady with millions, the other a successful business man's wife, neither are poor. Both married a long time, both with high performing kids. We met at the school gates.
I feel like the joy has been sucked out of this. WWYD? I'm not sure I'm brave enough to say fuck off.

One lesson in life, never talk about money, religion or politics….

Good times!!! Get spending

Sounds like you've earned it

I've told a couple of friends

That was your mistake

To be honest there are very few of my friends I feel like I could tell and they'd be genuinely happy for me- and that's okay. Its an amazing thing for you, you don't need excitement from others to enjoy it. I refrain from mentioning money really unless its someone I know inside out and even then rarely feel the need.

If you’re not brave enough to tell them to fuck off can you tell them how their reaction has hurt your feelings and how you’re confused as your understanding of friends is wanting the best for one another?
good luck, enjoy and ignore the comments saying you shouldn’t have told anyone, firstly they’re your friends so you would have thought it was safe to do so and secondly they would have spotted some change with the house purchase anyhow

Stop discussing your finances with anyone who doesn’t need to know 🤷🏻‍♀️
That’s pretty basic?

@TheHistorian thank you.
I did expose myself to both these people many years ago when we lost our home. Tbf one offered a small amount of money which I repaid with interest. We were great friends at the time. We went on holiday together etc. However she has mentioned many times the old loan and any new purchase has been commented on. My finances are questioned openly by bother ladies. The second lady has never had a big job. She's hard working but married money and now lives a lavish life off her in laws. When we were on our uppers we were desperate. We'd lost our house and went into rented for years. Our kids had to change schools. They both carried on.
I've always done huge commutes and long hours. These ladies have never done that and wouldn't. I thought wrongly they'd be happy for me.
I've decided that I'll give anymore threes a crowd meet ups a miss. Mavis just gets verbally beaten up.

Put your big girl pants on and tell them to fuck off. These women are not your friends.

So glad to hear in your last comment you have an actual best friend! Sounds like you’ve been through quite a lot over the years. Why are you wasting yourself on people who don’t appreciate or support you? Go low contact as “you’re busy” and then gradually drop, or just ignore them completely from now on.
Grey rock them either way and do what’s best for you.

Think about what you actually get from their company? Do you ever leave them feeling relaxed and/or with a smile on your face? It sounds as though you feel you should be friends with them, rather than having an actual true friendship with them. Would they help you in a crisis?
Whatever you do, surround yourself with people who are supportive and are at least nice people.

I recently read a comment- friends are for a reason, a season or a lifetime. It’s helped me get some perspective on one of my supposedly good friends who in reality has only contacted me when she needs something. I now accept that although she has good qualities and can be stimulating company. The overall pattern in recent years has been very one sided. She isn’t malicious and very much has issues. While I will still support her if when needed. I’ve stopped being the one who always makes contact. I’ve now met much more fun friends and we meet one night a week to learn crochet together! It’s a completely new skill and makes us focus together.

Once in your new house, perhaps try some new hobbies, exercise or volunteering to find more like minded people.

Wishing you all the good wishes for finding a lovely house that becomes your home, which you share with people you truly deserve ❤️

they sound like they felt they were better than you, had one over you,
and did not like that things changed.
stop contact

The property details fell out of your bag - of course they did.

Never discuss money with anyone.

Giving them a miss is a good idea,I would bet they definitely chat about you behind your back and are not actual friends.

Also don’t tell anyone it’s a lottery win, the answer is years of hard work!!

@Studyunder you made me cry.
I think when you don't have a mother you seek support from other women.

I do volunteer and I support a very active long running thread on mumsnet. Hence the name change!

They're not your friends.

Awww, give yourself a massive hug! Sorry to make you cry- my eyes are leaking a little too now 🤷🏼‍♀️

I have to run off soon but you sound awesome and I’m so happy you have financial security ❤️

@MutedMavis they feel entitled to comment because they have had access to your financial situation, just like my former friend. You need to shut that right down and not feel guilty about it. Pay back anything you may still owe, thank them for it and pull up the drawbridge, you don't have to accept disrespect.

They probably have their own insecurities which is why they're behaving this way. I reason my friend has always been envious of me, little comments over the years, but I'm not responsible for the choices and decisions she made which have led to an unsatisfactory life for her. It makes it feel less personal to me although I don't want envious people around me.

It's sad to lose friends but there is a line to be drawn when people walk all over your boundaries. Enjoy your good fortune and be very wary going forward in sharing any details with people. It's safer!

Its normal. Stops key people from selling up and leaving the company. Often the people who made it, are actually the valuable assets.

Yep you’re the underdog kept there to make them feel rich

Don't share private confidential financial information with outsiders. They probably thought you were bragging hence the bitchy comments.

Get some independent financial & wealth management advice & before you go on a house spending spree, secure your financial future. Make the money work for you long term, ensure that you have maxed out your ISA, pension fund & have an emergency fund.

They are jealous, get rid of them and enjoy your freedom and money

'one is a titled lady with millions' just because she has a title -fwiw in this day and age, obviously has no manners to bitch and make comments.
As my dear old gramps would have said "Ignore her Grey, she wears a fur coat but doesn't own any knickers."
LOve you Gramps👋

They are being bitchy about it because they are bitchy. They were also incredibly rude asking you how you could afford it! I definitely wouldn't have answered that.

I agree with find better friends. You've made them feel uncomfortable because they levelled you below them financially and now they don't like the reality that you may be closer to their level of wealth or more wealthy. I've had this happen a few times.

Cripes that’s awful OP (and congratulations on having such a wonderful thing happen to you).

These friends really do not sound like proper friends though - completely motivated by money and status and horribly competitive, and it sounds like your good fortune is literally eating them up inside.

Hold your head up and don’t be bullied - they’ll get over it but I think you need to reevaluate the friendship a bit.

@MutedMavis confused. do you work with those women all the time. is the company being sold that you work for? why are they not receiving money or did they not have shares? why does you coming into money mean your dh can retire? you state you are not on anyone's coat tails, but he seems to be on yours! what age are you and your husband?

@allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld my friends do not work with me. They wouldn't be qualified to do so. The company is being sold.

My husband is nearing retirement age. His job has been physical so he needs to retire after some ill health. We are approaching 60s. I'm a desk jockey.