Feel like a sh*tty parent

[Mummmmfordandsonzs]

I have a 3yo and 1yo. I really struggle. Eldest is sensitive and easily emotional so littlest things can have him in a meltdown or tantrum. Youngest is less clingy now but last year wouldn't even look at anyone else. I got my first full night of sleep in over a year last month when they stayed with my mum (very grateful) as she's more comfortable with family now.

I just feel like im trying to do a million jobs
Cooking
Ironing
Dishes
Bags packed to go out

While I want to be playing t and taking it slow and enjoying every second. I feel like im impatient I get overstimulated easily so sometimes I have to go and sit alone for a minute.
the same request 20 times (usually a drink/snack despite just eating or drinking lol) And the now slightly bickering? Aka youngest plays with a toy. Eldest snatches it only because she wants it. She then sobs crying hits him. He whines she's hit him. Repeat lol

They adore eachother and do play nice but do have these moments which are nor.al I know

I just feel bad and they'll think mums always boring and I do most parenting alone I juat get overwhelmed I wish I could have my mind like slowed down

Everything is so fast and im always so anxious

I think that this sounds pretty normal. Mothering is a huge and all encompassing task. It impacts is even when we aren't doing it. It is loud an repetitive and also constantly interrupted.

Acknowledgment of this has helped me. Also saying out loud when things are going well. "That was nice to read the book to you snuggled on the couch", "I had fun pushing you on the swing" that sort of thing. Really taking in the good bits. I showed my six year old Mr Bean for the first time last night. Watching her laugh helped smooth out the bit of the day that had been tough.

You are doing something that is hard and stressful and you want to do it well because you love your children. That's good parenting.

Thank you. I just feel overwhelmed all the time? I want to be a chill mum but I feel like im so anxious like even down to playgrounds worried they'll hurt themselves but I want them to be relaxed and have fun

And I struggle with. Basically I just don't want my kids to dislike me which sounds odd? But I never want to upset them but then if I continue this they'll be spoilt and think they can act any way which isn't true but I never want to upset them or make them annoyed with me
But my mum said this is harder to dodge as they get older so I need to find a balance and realise sometimes I've got to be firm and set boundaries

I gave up ironing years ago. Couldn't find time for it.