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Handhold please

16 replies

deflatedbirthday · 31/05/2025 13:21

My lovely FIL is on end of life care in hospital. He is only 66. Diagnosed with a stage 4 glioblastoma in November and given 12 weeks. Suffered a unrelated bowel perforation at Christmas and spent time on ICU. He never recovered really and has been bed bound for the last 3 months with MIL doing an incredible job looking after him at home. I’m a HCP and have been assisting with personal cares and other care needs, along with district nurses and palliative care.

Last week, his bowel perforation developed a fistula and essentially reopened. He’s not a candidate for further surgery. Since being in hospital his brain tumour has bled to the extent he is now unresponsive and treatment has been withdrawn.

It is beyond heartbreaking. He didn’t even get to retire as planned.

I am devastated for my DH, MIL, DSC and all the family. We’re taking it in turns to sit with him as we know it won’t be long, but he’s a tough cookie and will no doubt hang on as much as possible.

im trying my best to support anyone who needs it. I took DSC out Thursday and Friday to keep things as normal as possible for them in the school holidays.

Last week I was diagnosed with an over active thyroid (in additional to several other chronic conditions). I just want to go to bed and cry. Neither me nor DH have slept for over week, waiting for a phone call that could come at any time.

Life just isn’t fair.

OP posts:
WeregoingtoIbiza · 31/05/2025 13:28

So sorry you are going through this. Life is sometimes very cruel.

Sending you lots of virtual hugs xx

deflatedbirthday · 31/05/2025 13:38

@WeregoingtoIbizathank you

OP posts:
onthewineagain · 31/05/2025 13:39

That’s so very sad. He’s lucky to have you, sounds like you are taking great care of him.

deflatedbirthday · 31/05/2025 13:53

I’m feeling very guilty that he isn’t at home now but we just can’t mange his current needs. I know deep down he’s in the best possible place. I work at the hospital he’s in and I’m grateful to know the staff looking after him. It makes it somewhat easier.

Before DH and I were even together, I was friends with him and his siblings. I used to go to family BBQs and sit with DFIL listening to music we both like. He’s been a great FIL to me.

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onwardandupwards · 31/05/2025 13:56

I'm so sorry, its clear you love him very much and are doing a incredible job supporting everyone. Life is horribly unfair xx

Hollyhobbi · 31/05/2025 15:15

You sound amazing. Have you started meds for the overactive thyroid yet? That will help a bit.

BobbyBiscuits · 31/05/2025 15:17

Sending love and support. Please don't feel guilty. He's clearly not well enough to be at home sadly. When he passes he'll be at peace and without pain. I hope your health conditions improve as well xx

deflatedbirthday · 31/05/2025 17:45

Thank you all. I’d like to think I’m doing what anyone would for family (though sadly I know that’s not the case in all circumstances).

@Hollyhobbinot as yet. I’m waiting for my GP to consult with endocrinology as my auntie has Graves’ disease so further bloods might be required. It’s definitely not helping. I have been so anxious, which I now know is a symptom, but it’s really feeding into my guilt feelings.

OP posts:
deflatedbirthday · 04/06/2025 19:54

FIL passed away this morning. I was going to see a patient on his ward as I was on shift and popped my head in, intending to tell him I’d come and have lunch with him. He’d already gone. Although expected, it knocked me sick and was such a horrible shock. My friend was his nurse last night and he had a very settled last night listening to the radio. I waited with him while everyone else arrived and I did his last offices as I promised him I would. I feel numb. Completely devastated and more emotional that i thought I would be. He was so brave throughout all of this. He never once said ‘why me’. I will miss him. We all will.

OP posts:
PorcupinesAreSpiky · 04/06/2025 21:43

I’m so sorry to hear that 💐

WeregoingtoIbiza · 05/06/2025 09:11

I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️ xx

EggandStress · 05/06/2025 09:24

So sorry. He sounds like a lovely FIL and you had a lovely close relationship with him. Best wishes to you and your family x

MyKingdomForACat · 05/06/2025 09:30

❤️💐

mjf981 · 05/06/2025 10:24

I'm so sorry. I'm sure he knew how loved he was. Treasure the memories xx

deflatedbirthday · 05/06/2025 21:54

Thank you all. We are taking MIL away for the weekend to Warwick castle. She has always wanted to go so myself, DH and DSC are taking her for some well deserved time away after seven long hard months of caring for FIL without much a break. Any recommendations within the area? We are staying in Leamington Spa.

OP posts:
TheWelshposter · 05/06/2025 22:10

So sorry for your sad loss. You are an exceptionally kind daughter in law and have done your FIL proud. Take care of yourself.

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