Any confident women who can help with social anxiety please?

[RedIsNotMyFavouriteColour]

For all my life I've been an overthinker, chronic worrier and have suffered with OCD and intrusive thoughts. I rarely speak to anyone about this other than my Mum as in general I'm just a very private and closed off person. But I've also had times where there's been surges of confidence in both my appearance and things like promotions at work etc. Generally, I've managed pretty much okay in life.

Lately I've been struggling with my mental health and I'm starting to really get upset that it might be becoming obvious to other people, specifically but not totally at work - which is a professional environment. I've had several panic attacks in the last couple of months and although I don't think I've ever really been a blusher I'm convinced my face is turning red literally every single time I'm talking to someone to the point where I'll look for a mirror or even carry a compact mirror around (discreetly) to check my complexion after I've interacted with someone. Ever since my brain has recognised this fear it's gone from a garden pea to a watermelon overnight and it's really getting me down. I'm absolutely convinced I'm the talk of the office, the gym, my neighbours. Pretty much anyone who looks at me when I'm talking to them.

I'm trying really hard to conquer this and to face it head on so my brain stops reacting this way. I'm telling myself (unsuccessfully) it doesn't matter what people think anyway, I'm rehearsing excuses to come out with if anyone mentions that I'm looking flushed (menopause) I'm working hard to lose a couple of stone and gain some self confidence by wearing my old clothes again, cutting down on alcohol, doing loads of exercise and just generally trying to be kind to myself. But I really need to start regaining control of my own mind and to believe in myself again. To have faith in how I present myself and to generally just snap back to who I was. I don't know what has set this off.

I'm happily single and child free, own my own home and have good friends and a nice life. This is getting in my way and I need to shake it off. Any advice would be hugely appreciated!

Thank you

seems Like the mirror checking is a flare up of the OCD? Have you seen a therapist?

Yes. Load of shite that was. Utter shite

Yes.

i had massive anxiety during peri.

can strongly recommend anti anxiety drugs.

hrt also helped me but that probably only applies if you are in peri.

i am not really anxious at all any more.

I am very confident. Partly because I am older maybe.
One thing that helped me is realising that honestly, no one is thinking about you. This is the truth. Currently, most people are thinking about the CoL.
I am also menopausal with hot flushes. Again, nobody notices because no one looks at you as closely as you do at yourself.

I found this article really really helpful. It helped me reframe my anxiety. The premise of the article angered me at first, but it forced me to review some of my behaviours and thoughts. Is anxiety a crutch i’m using to protect myself? Have a read, it may help. Hope you find something that works for you ❤️

www.theguardian.com/society/2025/feb/09/can-we-break-the-anxiety-habit

But also do explore HRT and whatever your GP suggests.

Totally agree with this. I mean, you never hear people saying to one another things like 'Oh, @RedIsNotMyFavouriteColour is always blushing, it's so stupid and it looks awful.' People just don't work that way. If you are blushing (and you might not be) someone might note in their own head you blush easily, but it's not something you'd bring up in conversation.

I'm going to do my usual thing and recommend 'The Feeling Good Handbook' by Dr David Burns, it's good for self help for invasive thoughts like this and is written for exaxctly this kind of issue. Plus it's quite an interesting read generally. I don't think this is a 'confidence' thing, it's an invasive thought thing and with a bit of application you can put it in its right context and move on.

One way or another, hope you find an approach that helps.

Meditation is very effective and helps with anxiety.

Fluoxetine helped my DD she says it dials down the OCD so much and intrusive thoughts. Her psychiatrist said it's virtually impossible to "think" yourself out of anxiety/OCD without some medication.
Low dose I woukd give it a go if I were in your position as it sounds very hard and exhausting.

I managed too without medication. Lots of CBT therapy and hard work. My OCD was ruining my life and I finally feel in control of it but it wasn't easy!

Hi! I also have ocd and have always suffered with anxiety/ocd/overthinking since I was a child (its awful isnt it).

Weirdly, I work in marketing and as part of my role I live stream to thousands of women every day on my own. Im still not sure how I do it. Everyone I meet always say im really bubbly and confident.

I feel like two people, real me who stays at home most of the time im not in work as its my only safe place, and avoid any social interaction, and the me everyone else gets to see. Basically masking which probably isnt good at all and is actually pretty draining.

Therapy has never worked for me. Ive been on so many different medications but finally got prescribed duloxetine around a year ago and its made a huge difference! Xxx

Why would anyone care if your face is red? It would just make them a bad person to think like that. To judge someone on how they look or something that can't control is cruel.

I get anxious sometimes but its more down to people thinking I've failed. But I have to remember you don't have to be perfect to be acceptable in the world.

Would CBT style self-talk help?
In that situation I'd say to myself, ah well, it's not the end of the world if I blush. It won't matter in 5 years time, or 5 months time, or 5 weeks time, or 5 days time. So it doesn't need to matter in 5 hours time, or 5 minutes time. Or now.
DS says he started to get over social anxiety by asking himself: how would I behave if I wasn't anxious? Okay, do that. It took a lot of practice but eventually it became his normal behaviour

No one and I mean no one is thinking about you.

I have been where you and and talking to mates and saying it out loud- I’m getting paranoid my face is flushing when I talk- and then I’d say- I feel ridiculous saying that out loud- and then we would talk it through and I’d reassure myself with a rational person beside me.

Also- red face. And? That’s what I would be telling myself. Ok red face and what? Red face and get the sack? Nope. Red face and everyone hates me, also nope! Red face and I’m useless, no. And so on.