I'm so lonely

[Honeyxo]

That's about the gist of it really. I have two children, one lives away for uni and the other is 9 and predominantly always with me. I have very little time to myself to meet anyone, have hobbies or expand my small circle.

I've been single for 6 years. I did meet someone but they were a nightmare. I'm getting that lonely, I sometimes think I should have just put up with it for a bit of company. I know it was the right thing to do however, when you're alone night after night after night, have nobody to share the load with or talk to, do things with or share experiences with, your mind does think these silly thoughts.

My friends all have families of their own and are married. I have a few hours free every other Sunday and my youngest goes to their grandparents once a month. My friends are usually busy doing their own thing, so when I do have free time, I end up spending it alone.

It is getting to the point now where I sit and cry myself to sleep. I have very dark thoughts and really do feel like the only point in being here is for my children. I have no life of my own outside of them, except work. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. It's a beautiful evening and I'm sat at home, alone. I've been for a walk and come home to emptiness. Everyone is busy doing their own thing. I'm just so lonely.

I don’t think you are alone in your situation, and if I can offer any advice get a dog, a million times better than men, never let you down and get you out of the house.
sending you a big hug x

Do you work out of the house somewhere? Just thinking working from home would really exacerbate this...

@GJMJ no, I believe there's many in the same boat. I may look into a dog, if I can get a reasonable dog walker in the day. Thank you for commenting x

@Monvelo yes, I work full time outside of my house.

Sorry to read you're feeling lonely. It's a very common thing.

I saw a book in the library called (I think!) 'Project Unlonely' which might be helpful.

Creating things and helping others are both known to help with loneliness. There could be something you could do with your DD or just something new to learn.

Some great advice here from PPs. I would definitely second the dog idea! Not quite the same but this good boy does an excellent job of keeping me company when my DH is on nights. Didn’t want to read and run even though I don’t have anything helpful to add, so will leave you with this good boy’s hopeful face.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I don’t really have any advice to offer, only a handhold. I’m lonely too. I have two small DC who take up all my time and energy, so no time for hobbies or activities where I might meet new people. My social circle is very small and I don’t have family nearby. I really don’t know how some people do it, I’ve never been a social butterfly. But it’s starting to really sink in just how lonely I am.

Oh I'm so sorry, you sound very sad. I've actually been there and it's horrific. It's adult company, maybe someone to share the joys and stresses of the day with, some human touch, conversation etc.

I'm single no kids live alone and have been single for 13 years since I was early 30s after a breakup.

I'm trying to think of the things that I do now that make me feel not lonely that might be helpful - I have a mentally stimulating job, as a minimum I absolutely have to go to the office twice a week (ideally I go more but there are online meetings on other days too), going to sociable exercise classes/gym, doing online courses (just done one which also has a face to face meetup coming up).
What also helps is talking to other family members in the evenings and weekends plus doing voice notes with friends who have children.

For your free hours that you have I would definitely do something around people or set something up if it doesn't exist. In the past I've run a book club and I've also been to a women's movie club in my local town that I found on meetup.

Find things that are happening anyway so it's not dependent on one person who may need to cancel on the day etc.

Sending an unmumsnetty hug - you do sound a bit depressed so definitely speak to your GP if you can't shift it.

This is a bit random but I used to volunteer with Home Library Service. You take books and audio books from local libraries to people who are housebound. It was fun picking out the books to someone else's (often very specific) taste and the people were interesting to chat to. A nine year old could definitely help.

You're here on Mumsnet. Is there anything here you could get involved with: sometimes I like to contribute to the threads about particular TV series if I don't know anyone else who watches it.

I've found joining a choir a good way to meet people if that's something you'd fancy?

I second that. Much easier to cope with.

@Player62 I'm sorry you're going through this. It is so difficult to have dependent little ones. Hard to find the time to hear your own mind, but then that's when the loneliness creeps in. I'm sorry you don't have people around you who can help ease the load. Holding hands right back.

Thank you all so much for your comments. I'm out of the house 9 hours a day, with an emotionally demanding job to attend to. It's when I get home the loneliness hits, or if I've had a hard day. Nobody to talk it through with. I'm usually really ok with doing things by myself however, I went to a local park the last time I had a free couple of hours, to read my book and get outdoors. When I arrived, everyone was in groups etc and I just felt engulfed in being alone. No one to chat with or laugh with, or simply walk beside. I came home.

I don't know what the answer is.

Thank you again for your comments, they really are appreciated.

A suggestion is to find something to read when you feel lonely and don't feel ready yet (or await the opportunity) to socialize. It might keep your mind of feeling lonely and discover something that may help you. Another thing I did was join a zoom class, although I don't physically meet anyone but at least I feel being part of something and is a start at least.

There will be other mums and dads out there (and non-parents) feeling exactly the same - take the initiative and contact them! Even in busy seeming family lives they can also be lonely. Reignite old friendships and start to do something to meet new friends! Eg Can be a workplace staff event if needs to be

Im sorry @Honeyxo, ive only just seen your post, but I didn’t want to leave you without saying, you are not alone, chat here , ive made friends here , don’t be embarrassed to reach out in real life , you deserve to be happy ❤️

Join a walking group - great for meeting new people without any pressure.

You could talk to people and make friends with anyone. The good thing about life is opportunity to engage with others.

Just sending some love. Its really hard, ive been there too.
With respect, volunterring or evening suggestions are not realistic when you are a full time working mum.

Op, its relentless and tough. My dd is a young adult now and ive made friends and do things for myself and i feel so lucky every time i do.

Give yourself some grace, this isnt a reflection on you but on circumstances that give limited resource to you.

There are lots of walk and talk groups popping up in my area, some that kids can go along too as well. Maybe have a look ij your area. A bit of a gentle way to do something for yourself.

I've been single since ds was 9 (now 17). There are lots of things you can do to meet people. Take your ds to Parkrun (or Parkwalk), easy to meet people there, and free. Do a class together. My ds chose karate, he was soon a grade ahead of me, meaning we trained in different groups and I met several friends that way.

Go bowling on Friday evening, offer to take one of your dc's friends as well. Then you'll meet people bowling and meet the friend's mum.

Reconnect with old friends on SM. At home in the evening, music helps. On your Sundays, choose something to do regularly, so you get to know the other regulars. A favourite cafe with a book? Or an art class.

On my Sundays off, I had clay pigeon shooting lessons for a year. Brilliant fun and the clubhouse afterwards is very sociable. (not cheap though).

These are all great suggestions. I heard an article on the radio recently where a chap was suggesting joining the local Golf Club as a social member. Even if it’s just to sit there reading your book.

If you like to read, join a book club? Or, even better start one where you actually get to arrange / organise to meet once a month.
Would your existing friends want to do a regular meet up, start an informal ‘ night out’ once a month or cinema club?
Are there any local craft clubs or Ramblers on a Sunday ( if you are into that?)

Definitely pick some hobbies you and dc can do together. Horse riding, karate, parent child boot camp. I think it’s hard but you need to give yourself a push to get out there. Even inviting dc friend and a parent on a day out to the cinema etc. It doesn’t need to be about dating you need to feel happy in yourself first. Soligirling on Instagram is worth a follow for dating yourself! I resonate as feel similar about friends and families being busy.