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It’s another wedding one. DH annoyed I don’t want to go.

17 replies

ThisCraftyHelper · 30/05/2025 19:33

Been invited to DH cousin’s wedding. The cousin is nice enough, DH isn’t close to them and we see them a few times a year at family events. DH has a large family and they are very much in each other’s pocket. A lot of drama and fuss is made over small problems. DH always stays out of the drama as do I, but one week or another there has usually been a falling out or something which is really minor. We live a few hours away from the main family and they don’t really make an effort with DH or I. None of them attended his birthday party last year or have came down to our kid’s birthdays or accepted our invites to Christmas. It’s always us that drives down to family events etc. It’s been going on for years so at this point I kind of expect them to decline anything we invite them to. Due to numbers, I’m only invited to the evening do. Fair enough they can invite who they want and I understand we aren’t that close. I would have at take AL due to me working shifts and arrange a hotel for two nights due to the location. I think it’s a lot of fuss just to go to the evening do and said to DH I don’t want to attend. He’s annoyed that he will have to go himself. I explained that I do not want to use my AL and make a lot of effort when for years they haven’t made an effort with us. It kind of just seems very hypocritical. We have been together 25 years and the last time the family came to visit us was our wedding over 20 years ago.

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 30/05/2025 19:35

Definitely not worth the effort for an evening invitation.

Reddog1 · 30/05/2025 19:40

I wouldn’t bother. I go to evening-only parts of weddings if they’re very convenient, otherwise I decline. I certainly wouldn’t take annual leave or book a room, I couldn’t be arsed tbh. And I say that as someone who’s pretty sociable! And in principle I don’t mind spouses/partners only being invited to the evening if space and money is limited. I wouldn’t be offended, I just wouldn’t bother.

Your husband can’t moan, he’ll know loads of people there.

Spirallingdownwards · 30/05/2025 19:40

YANBU.

Up to him if he chose either to go alone or not to go but unreasonable if him to exoe t you to go too if you don't want to to.

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CagneyNYPD1 · 30/05/2025 19:45

Use precious AL for an evening invite? That would be a “No Can Do” from me.

I would simply RSVP with a “Unable to accept evening invite due to AL constraints” and let your DH decide what he wants to do.

Trovindia · 30/05/2025 19:48

Yanbu. Who uses two days of annual leave to go to an evening do?

Sortalike · 30/05/2025 19:49

Politely decline - Just because you've been invited you don't have to go, and two nights ina hotel using up AL for 5 or 6 hours at a party would be a no thanks from me - I couldn't justify the cost.

Emilysmum90 · 30/05/2025 20:21

Fuck that, they've invited your DH to the whole thing and you to just the evening? How rude. I'd just decline.

I once refused to go to the wedding of DH's mate because both the groom AND bride had both managed to be incredibly rude to me in the months leading up to the wedding, (about nothing wedding related) I told DH he'd have to go alone and he didn't argue because he didn't have a leg to stand on. Your DH doesn't either.

LlynTegid · 30/05/2025 20:22

I think your DH is being unreasonable in going, never mind you.

ThisCraftyHelper · 30/05/2025 20:43

Thanks for the replies. I’m pretty sure DH is just pissed because he has to go alone and deal with their drama 😂

OP posts:
Silsatrip · 30/05/2025 20:45

Is your dh invited to the whole thing? And you just to the evening?

ThisCraftyHelper · 30/05/2025 20:52

Silsatrip · 30/05/2025 20:45

Is your dh invited to the whole thing? And you just to the evening?

Yup. Him invited to whole thing me just evening

OP posts:
Cynic17 · 30/05/2025 20:52

OP, your husband doesn't have to go at all, if he doesn't want to - why does he think it's compulsory?

Comefromaway · 30/05/2025 21:24

That’s incredibly rude. Who invites the husband but not the wife?

tanstaafl · 30/05/2025 21:59

ThisCraftyHelper · 30/05/2025 20:43

Thanks for the replies. I’m pretty sure DH is just pissed because he has to go alone and deal with their drama 😂

That’s what I was thinking OP. Now he has to try and come up with an excuse rather than say ‘<Thiscraftyhelper> said as you cba coming to any of our invites she cba coming to this’. And the unspoken bit is your DH saying ‘and I can’t blame her tbh’.

pikkumyy77 · 30/05/2025 22:01

Comefromaway · 30/05/2025 21:24

That’s incredibly rude. Who invites the husband but not the wife?

Right this is incredibly rude. You are under no obligation to go.

cheezncrackers · 30/05/2025 22:03

YANBU. I wouldn't want to waste a day of AL for the wedding of someone I don't care about and am not close to. Why does your DH feel he has to go when the family don't attend things for him?

Edited to say: it's SO rude of them not to invite you both to the same parts of the wedding. On that subject alone, I wouldn't go. Fuck 'em!

OhCobblers · 30/05/2025 22:22

Fuck that. It’s a hard no from me! I would understand inviting cousins only if it’s a numbers thing - like on another thread running at the mo - but you to only the evening do is bloody rude!

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