How would react

Frangipani2 · 2025-05-30T05:03:42+00:00

Spent to weekend away with ILs, not my choice but will always make an effort for DH. second day MIL was watching me and after we left evening meal says “I can’t believe how much you eat, it makes me feel sick” then next day “it’s disgusting how much you eat”. I have a larger appetite than her admittedly the ironic thing is I am I am around a size 12 and her 18. I am also physically fit and healthy, I may eat more but what I eat is good food not processed crap. Just wondered others thoughts, I laughed it off and just say well maybe it’s all the weight lifting i do it gives me an appetite but the more I think about the more pissed off I am. How utterly rude to make that comment. Dh isn’t aware comment was made away from him.

Elderflower14 · 30/05/2025 06:15

Tell your DH!!

Feelingdownbutnotout · 30/05/2025 06:37

Oh gosh how rude, and downright nasty!

Has she always been unpleasant to you?

It sounds like jealousy- she would dearly love to be able to eat more and be as slim as you.

I would tell your H what she said. He really should know how his mother acts towards you when he isn't around.

Original poster

Frangipani2 · 30/05/2025 06:47

dh won’t be happy but likely won’t say anything as not upset them. They mil and fil are fairly petty and will stop speaking to me and just make things awkward for him. I say this from previous experience and how his siblings spouses are treated.

I tried to laugh about it but it’s quite hurtful tbh and it’s just not how I would expect to be spoken to or how I would speak to someone

OP posts:

MoreChocPls · 30/05/2025 06:55

Sorry but why on earth wouldn’t you say anything to your dh?! Next time she says it, repeat what she said so dh hears.

Arquebuse · 30/05/2025 06:55

Well, of course it was incredibly rude, but the time to respond was in the moment, not to wait, fester, and tell your DH.

Feelingdownbutnotout · 30/05/2025 06:57

Honestly OP nobody would expect anyone to say something like that.

It was wrong on so many levels.

I'm not surprised you are hurt about it because it was vindictive.

If you don't want to tell your H then you will need to rationalise it by telling yourself she is a nasty woman with issues and who obviously enjoys being hurtful and spiteful.

I would certainly have as little to do with her as is possible.

seasonspuzzling · 30/05/2025 07:08

Intentionally rude

I wouldn’t waste any of my spare time being insulted tbh no need to visit again

And just because his parents are emotionally immature and petty still doesn’t mean you have to spend your time sucking it up and being insulted

DatingDinosaur · 30/05/2025 07:20

“I can’t believe how much you eat, it makes me feel sick”

My answer would be “well don’t watch me eat then”.

“it’s disgusting how much you eat”

My answer would be “so is an unsolicited opinion”

Sounds like she's got an issue with food and projecting it on to you.

Original poster

Frangipani2 · 30/05/2025 07:21

Thank you all I struggle with confidence and just needed reassurance I am not being over sensitive. I honestly think she is insecure and unhappy herself so lashes out. It will back fire though as it’s usually me who pushes h to contact them, well I won’t be anymore.

OP posts:

Motnight · 30/05/2025 07:27

Frangipani2 · 30/05/2025 07:21

Thank you all I struggle with confidence and just needed reassurance I am not being over sensitive. I honestly think she is insecure and unhappy herself so lashes out. It will back fire though as it’s usually me who pushes h to contact them, well I won’t be anymore.

Honestly Op that is the best way forwards. I put up with an unpleasant MIL for far too long. One day I just had enough and took a step back. No big drama, no exchange of words. It almost immediately impacted on MIL's time with DD and DH.

PurpleReindeer2 · 30/05/2025 08:07

Next time ask her if she meant to be quite so rude. She needs pulling up on this everytime as she sounds like a bully. Ask her as soon as she says any nasty comment preferably when other people can hear you so that they are aware.

Twelftytwo · 30/05/2025 08:11

I know it's hard on the spot but try to react in the moment to her eg "that's incredibly rude!" Or "did you mean to be so rude!" Or just "excuse me? What did you just say?"

Arquebuse · 30/05/2025 08:13

Frangipani2 · 30/05/2025 07:21

Thank you all I struggle with confidence and just needed reassurance I am not being over sensitive. I honestly think she is insecure and unhappy herself so lashes out. It will back fire though as it’s usually me who pushes h to contact them, well I won’t be anymore.

Why on earth would you ‘push’ your husband to contact someone who is unfailingly rude to you?

CRbear · 30/05/2025 08:18

Whilst I agree it would be better not to comment at all, as to whether it’s truly awful or not would depend on tone for me. Like it or not we live in a society that prefers slimness so if the tone was openly envious I don’t think that would necessarily be considered rude by many folk! As in I’m jealous you can eat so much and stay thin. Only you know the tone. But I’d bear in mind it’s easy to want to read the worst in people we don’t like.

KumquatHigh · 30/05/2025 08:25

I might have laughed it off the first time but not the second.

I would tell my husband as I would tell him if anyone had said this to me. And I’d have no problem at all telling her to fuck off.

I once had a similar situation with a work acquaintance and in the end I said ‘why are you telling me this when you are much fatter than me’. She was surprisingly taken aback despite the fact she had been commenting on me for weeks.

Arquebuse · 30/05/2025 08:43

CRbear · 30/05/2025 08:18

Whilst I agree it would be better not to comment at all, as to whether it’s truly awful or not would depend on tone for me. Like it or not we live in a society that prefers slimness so if the tone was openly envious I don’t think that would necessarily be considered rude by many folk! As in I’m jealous you can eat so much and stay thin. Only you know the tone. But I’d bear in mind it’s easy to want to read the worst in people we don’t like.

That’s a bit of a reach, given that the OP’s MIL said that how much the OP eats ‘makes me feel sick’ and is ‘disgusting’.

Original poster

Frangipani2 · 30/05/2025 09:30

Oh no it’s done with nothing but nastiness in mind , there’s many sly comments said I just chose to ignore for example I am lucky to have dh he could have anyone he wanted.

i figure she is just a unhappy person I kind of feel sorry for her in a way, I push him to contact them as if he didn’t I would get the blame and it would just cause further dislike.

OP posts:

seasonspuzzling · 30/05/2025 13:28

You are not responsible for a grown adult contacting their family

No matter what anyone says / thinks

heidyho · 30/05/2025 13:32

I would cut contact tbh. Nasty people who bring you down have no place in your life
Let dh see them if he likes. He can visit them alone. Don't feel guilty either.

Vaxtable · 30/05/2025 13:45

Personally I wouldn’t stand for it. Next time I would just say did you mean to be so rude? And wait head tilted for an answer. I would do that each and every time.

Oh Sandra you are so rude
oh Sandra did you really mean to be so rude
Oh Sandra you do sound jealous

she will soon stop

BobbyBiscuits · 30/05/2025 13:53

'I make you feel sick, do I?' along with a concerned stare. 'How terribly unfortunate for you.'

Do not let her get away with it if she says it again. And tell your husband what she's saying. It's absolutely terrible to say such things.

I think it's rude to comment on the amount someone is eating, even in a factual way. Never mind alleging that the very act of watching you consume food makes them violently nauseous?!

Absolutely dreadful manners! I bet she's horrible in other ways too.