To think ill be on my own for many years

[arabellacanella]

This really. Sat here this evening thinking about life and where I'm at. I was previously married for 10 years and we had a child together. I stupidly and shamefully cheated on him, threw my marriage away and started a relationship with another man and we had a child together.

As karma goes, he turned out to be an abusive, horrible man, which resulted in me escaping and living in a refuge with my children.

I supposed I deserved everything that came my way for all the pain and total lack of respect I caused and shown to my ex husband, for breaking up our family home, casting him away like dirt off my shoe. He was a good man, husband, dad.

He's happily settled with someone now.

Here, I sit alone. 2 children in bed. Every evening is the same. I wish for a companion to talk to, cuddle, feel safe with. A best friend. What I once had.

I could never bring another man into their lives, into our home and safe space again.

I suppose I'm just reflecting on everything that I've done and coming to terms I will alone for a long time.

It's OK. Life changes. I hope you meet someone lovely soon xxx

You're right not to want to bring another man into your childrens' lives. They need stability, security and safety. Focus on building an interesting life without a man, for now. Be your own best friend. Stop waiting for someone to complete you. If you create a full and fabulous life for yourself and your kids, just as you are, then if someone comes along in the future that will be a bonus, the icing on the cake. Focus on the cake!

This.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. Mistakes happen; you have certainly had to come to terms with this. But don’t rush into anything, focus on the kids, and maybe focus on understanding why you were so tempted and why you fell for this man in the first place. That may help you to make a healthier choice in the future. Sometimes our past experiences are the reason we are attracted to unhealthy choices and we need to understand them to break the pattern.

I am terrible at relationships because I hated myself and thought I didn't deserve to be happy, so I gave up dating! My mental health has never been better. Turns out I can be happy and I'm quite a nice person without all the relationship angst! I've been single for 14 years now.

Nobody deserves to be abused OP.