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Original poster

EMDR struggles and advice...

10 replies

aredrosegrewup · 28/05/2025 21:39

I've been having therapy since January for a few different things - general infertility, traumatic pregnancy loss and general anxiety/health anxiety.

We've tried EMDR a few times with mixed results. The main issue is me and not being able to fully lean into the feelings I need to. I automatically put up a block when we start and my mind does all it can to distract me in the moment.

However, yesterday I feel like I potentially had a bit of a breakthrough, I was a little teary during and after the short session we did but during the EMDR I felt different as though my whole body was feeling it. When I got back to the car I had the biggest cry I've had in what feels like my whole life.

What's confusing me is that in order to get to that point during EMDR I had to focus on something that wasn't actually real but it's something that allowed me to feel how I actually feel about the real stuff.

Will it still work like this? Can anyone share their experience if they feel comfortable to?

OP posts:
RogersOrganismicProcess · 29/05/2025 01:43

Did you tell your therapist that this was the case?

NutellaEllaElla · 29/05/2025 02:27

This is a conversation to have with your therapist. Above Mn pay grade.

Original poster
aredrosegrewup · 29/05/2025 07:38

RogersOrganismicProcess · 29/05/2025 01:43

Did you tell your therapist that this was the case?

Yes my therapist knows the struggles I've been having with EMDR.

OP posts:
Original poster
aredrosegrewup · 29/05/2025 07:39

NutellaEllaElla · 29/05/2025 02:27

This is a conversation to have with your therapist. Above Mn pay grade.

I've had this conversation with my therapist, I'm just looking for others' experience.

OP posts:
RogersOrganismicProcess · 29/05/2025 08:11

There may be a number of things going on here which is why you need to be having this conversation with your therapist, and they in turn need to be having it with their clinical supervisor. I know that is not what you want to hear.

You mentioned it was only in the car following the session you had the release related to an external experience. Did you follow this up with your therapist? If not this is something they need to know.

For general information, reasons that EMDR might not work may include:

Poor preparation resourcing and building your resilience. How easy can you switch to happy memories/place? Did you do the homework practicing accessing those happier thoughts?

The wrong focus. It may not be the obvious trauma that needs targeting, it may be an earlier one that has informed the reaction of the later trauma.

Needing a different type of bilateral stimulation to suit your processing style: visual needs lights or tracking, auditory needs sound, tactile needs touch.

Certain personality disorders etc mean that EMDR can be unsuitable too.

It may be that some of the above resonate for you. Again please explore this with your therapist so that you receive the correct support.

MrsMAFs · 29/05/2025 08:18

I quit EMDR. I liked the idea of it but I felt it was too leading. I felt like I was saying what I thought I should say as opposed to what I really thought. When the session was over and in the months since I can't say any of my thoughts have changed.

Ar

Original poster
aredrosegrewup · 29/05/2025 08:52

RogersOrganismicProcess · 29/05/2025 08:11

There may be a number of things going on here which is why you need to be having this conversation with your therapist, and they in turn need to be having it with their clinical supervisor. I know that is not what you want to hear.

You mentioned it was only in the car following the session you had the release related to an external experience. Did you follow this up with your therapist? If not this is something they need to know.

For general information, reasons that EMDR might not work may include:

Poor preparation resourcing and building your resilience. How easy can you switch to happy memories/place? Did you do the homework practicing accessing those happier thoughts?

The wrong focus. It may not be the obvious trauma that needs targeting, it may be an earlier one that has informed the reaction of the later trauma.

Needing a different type of bilateral stimulation to suit your processing style: visual needs lights or tracking, auditory needs sound, tactile needs touch.

Certain personality disorders etc mean that EMDR can be unsuitable too.

It may be that some of the above resonate for you. Again please explore this with your therapist so that you receive the correct support.

Thank you for a detailed reply ☺️
I've not explored the situation in the car yet as it was just on Tuesday and my next session is Monday coming.

I definitely think part of the issue has been finding the right/specific trauma to focus on. We've been back and forwards/round in circles a lot because that's how mixed up I've also been feeling. We've spent a lot of time working out what we need to focus on.

My therapist uses a pointer stick for EMDR and I definitely find it easier/less distracting when she moves it slower, we also tried butterfly taps last session and I found that a bit easier.

OP posts:
Original poster
aredrosegrewup · 29/05/2025 08:55

MrsMAFs · 29/05/2025 08:18

I quit EMDR. I liked the idea of it but I felt it was too leading. I felt like I was saying what I thought I should say as opposed to what I really thought. When the session was over and in the months since I can't say any of my thoughts have changed.

Ar

Thank you!
I do feel a bit like that sometimes, I distract myself by wondering if where my mind is going is right or wrong.

OP posts:
LogicalBlodge · 29/05/2025 09:27

My emdr therapist was adamant we only focus on one trauma and we pick the one that was biggest. We spent several weeks on this, and on the planning. For me that meant going right back and picking the earliest one.

I felt absolutely exhausted after the first session, like a truck hit me.

I really struggled with the ending of the processing. I couldn't work through it. In the end she gave me a tool which was to visualise an alternative ending. She said the brain is really funny, in that it can cling onto memories. As much as I tried I couldn't let go the fact that it had happened and no amount of anything would change that. Not to get deep but maybe visualising the alternative ending kind of allowed that belief to exist but also for an alternative possibility to also exist. Kind of allowing my optimistic personality (how I am naturally and a key coping mechanism) to still be and allow space for hope for future.

I ended still wanting more but she said I could come back. The after effects have been subtle, interesting and good. I am not as triggered.

If I am slightly triggered I am able to recognise that my fear relates to a current situation I am facing and rationalise my way through the situation rather than catastrophise. I can see where optimism and humour helps and where realism is needed. I'm not as stuck in fixing things. I've not descended into long slumps. I've made space for more compassion in my mind and more actual time (boundaries) around self care and wellbeing time and time to switch off after stressful days or events/periods. The relief of not being triggered has allowed me to feel more gratitude about what is in my life. None of this took any conscious effort on my part, it just happened.

Therapist always said the brain will go where it will go etc. but to let her know as well if I was struggling in the processing. A couple of times I needed to ask if I was doing it right. I have adhd and also found some of it quite tedious while simulaneously slightly unpleasant but I really trusted the therapist and the safe space really worked brilliantly for me as I had incorporated something really strong for me in terms of visual image and a tactile sensation.

Really interesting point about different processing style. I am quite a slow/poor auditory processor so much preferred the visual dot to talking therapy. In the sessions I was really focused on what I was experiencing in my physical sensations in my body. Would get irritated when she interrupted to ask if I was still in it though sometimes she let me have longer gaps.

We did acknowledge feelings when they came up but wasn't a huge focus. There were some strategies like what would you say to that child now, and I have a little card in my wallet that says You Are Enough, that she helped me make.

Original poster
aredrosegrewup · 29/05/2025 09:41

LogicalBlodge · 29/05/2025 09:27

My emdr therapist was adamant we only focus on one trauma and we pick the one that was biggest. We spent several weeks on this, and on the planning. For me that meant going right back and picking the earliest one.

I felt absolutely exhausted after the first session, like a truck hit me.

I really struggled with the ending of the processing. I couldn't work through it. In the end she gave me a tool which was to visualise an alternative ending. She said the brain is really funny, in that it can cling onto memories. As much as I tried I couldn't let go the fact that it had happened and no amount of anything would change that. Not to get deep but maybe visualising the alternative ending kind of allowed that belief to exist but also for an alternative possibility to also exist. Kind of allowing my optimistic personality (how I am naturally and a key coping mechanism) to still be and allow space for hope for future.

I ended still wanting more but she said I could come back. The after effects have been subtle, interesting and good. I am not as triggered.

If I am slightly triggered I am able to recognise that my fear relates to a current situation I am facing and rationalise my way through the situation rather than catastrophise. I can see where optimism and humour helps and where realism is needed. I'm not as stuck in fixing things. I've not descended into long slumps. I've made space for more compassion in my mind and more actual time (boundaries) around self care and wellbeing time and time to switch off after stressful days or events/periods. The relief of not being triggered has allowed me to feel more gratitude about what is in my life. None of this took any conscious effort on my part, it just happened.

Therapist always said the brain will go where it will go etc. but to let her know as well if I was struggling in the processing. A couple of times I needed to ask if I was doing it right. I have adhd and also found some of it quite tedious while simulaneously slightly unpleasant but I really trusted the therapist and the safe space really worked brilliantly for me as I had incorporated something really strong for me in terms of visual image and a tactile sensation.

Really interesting point about different processing style. I am quite a slow/poor auditory processor so much preferred the visual dot to talking therapy. In the sessions I was really focused on what I was experiencing in my physical sensations in my body. Would get irritated when she interrupted to ask if I was still in it though sometimes she let me have longer gaps.

We did acknowledge feelings when they came up but wasn't a huge focus. There were some strategies like what would you say to that child now, and I have a little card in my wallet that says You Are Enough, that she helped me make.

Thank you for sharing this. I'm at work currently but I will read through it properly.

OP posts:
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