Feeling ugly and unattractive

[pinkbabyelephant]

I’ve had low self-esteem about my looks since my teenage years, I am very insecure about certain features.

In my late twenties / thirties I managed to switch off from it a bit. I think I was just so busy with children and work. But now my DC are a bit older all the insecurities are coming back again and I’m struggling not to obsess about my appearance.

On bad days I find myself looking at unflattering photos again and again, researching plastic surgery, taking photos of myself from certain angles and beating myself up about them. It is so unhealthy!

On good days I rationalise that I’m actually perfectly normal and that everyone has good and bad features. There are also plenty of photos of myself where I look quite attractive, I just obsess over the bad ones.

I have a lovely DH, two amazing DC and a generally good life. I am a healthy weight and exercise regularly. I really have nothing to complain about! Which makes things worse as then I beat myself up for being ungrateful and obsessing over something as stupid as how I look.

Does anyone have any tips on how I get past this? Do I need counselling and if so what type?

Start by deleting the unflattering photos.
what purpose do they serve other than upsetting you?
do you find the way you feel changes throughout the month? I am definitely more critical of myself after a hormone drop.

Yes, definitely. I feel very low before my period starts, in the middle of the month I’m far more pragmatic and kinder to myself.

There is nothing stopping you from being a healthy weight/size and having good teeth, glossy hair, beautiful nails and radiant skin. These are the basics for looking attractive.

That way if you have a big nose, a small chin, big ears or even knock knees, they will be insignificantly unimportant.

You've got to have that attitude, I'm good enough.
It's not about how you look, it's how you feel.
Walk tall, dress in what you feel good in, watch how you talk to yourself.
Above all, kindness instantly makes you more attractive, no matter what you look like.

It sounds like body dysmorphia and something that needs to be treated rather than just people saying ‘be more positive’. Do you have a decent doctor? If so, I would start there and they can refer you. It could be CBT could work for you, but if there are deep seated issues which underpin how you feel, you will need counselling to work through them first.

This is an utterly moronic post which is made by one poster with depressing regularity on exactly this kind of post. Even leaving aside the fact that, on the contrary, lots of things stop people being from being a healthy weight, having glossy hair, good teeth, radiant skin etc, what you are saying is ‘If you aren’t attractive, it is because you are lazy. The unattractive should work harder at their appearance.’

I would ignore this post, it gives completely the wrong message. This makes it sound like it's so easy and effortless to have all of these things naturally, when in reality it often isn't.

I haven’t been to the GP in years so I don’t know what they’re like. But I’ve never accessed any kind of counselling so it’s probably worth a go. On my good days I do think it’s body dysmorphia but on the bad days I think it can’t be because I feel my unattractiveness is real and isn’t just in my head…

It definitely sounds exactly like BDD. Even the thinking you are definitely “ugly” on bad days. That’s typical of BDD thinking, and one of the things they specifically try to address in therapy.

Have a look at the BDD foundation website. They have lots of information and resources there and details of how to access help.

https://bddfoundation.org/

Well as someone with a medical condition that causes my hair to fall out and my skin to peel and flake that's just lovely 😂😂😂🙄🙄 I also have a big nose but guessing as I also have shit hair and skin it all balances out right 😁