DS starting reception

[Spaceyraid]

4yo DS is starting a mainstream school in September. He hasn’t got an asd diagnosis yet but is on the pathway. He also has an ehcp.

One part of me isn’t worried as he’s resilient, determined in tasks and most importantly, a very happy child. But the other part of me can’t help but worry about him.

I have an 8yo so I know how different DS2 school life will be. I’m doing myself no favours by thinking this way, but it’s something I can’t help. I’m worried about him having no friends, being the “odd one out”, knowing how far behind he’ll be, not knowing if he’s coping as he can’t tell me. The list of worries is endless.

I know I can’t see into the future for him, but it scares me a little. I just want him to be ok.

I know people will have different experiences and no asd child is the same, but is anybody else in this situation or has been?

My son is in Y1 and 6. We’ve been where you are, and what’s made a real difference is the communication from school has been excellent.
I try not to catastrophise and think of the worst outcome (e.g he’ll have no friends). There are some days he does things that I worry will make the other children think he’s strange but there are plenty of children with issues (and lovely parents) in his school that he has been able to make friends with. A lot of mums have similar worries I think. School are working on his social skills with him.

If you think he’s going to be the odd one you’re expecting a class full of neurotypical kids. In reality there will be a mix. Some NT, high achieving, socially savvy… but other will be ND, or extremely shy, or dreamers, or impulsive or into something unusual, or needing sensory input etc etc. it
may take time, but he will find a group/child if he wants to (and if he doesn’t, then don’t worry). when he’s a bit older he could join an interest group / scouts etc.

in terms of being behind - establish your relationship with SENCO and teacher early on - lay out your stall as an involved and engaged parent and ask them to be in touch regularly, that you want to support so are always open to suggests etc. ask them to pass on your details to children he likes.

@OhHellolittleoneput much more eloquently than me - but absolute agree with this. Try not to worry too much OP. Easier said than done I know.

@Bas27 its so true that other parents of ‘odd one out’ kids will be so helpful. You’ll realise they have the same worries, that many are normal (I’m not sure of the word- but I mean that they aren’t bad or crazy etc. just a mix of people) and that they understand you.

the school might have SEN coffee mornings - ask if this is something they do. If not, suggest it! It’s a great way to meet other parents and shouldn’t be used as a time to moan - if the SENCo can attend it’s a great way to establish an informal/ chatty relationship too (when they know you in a more rounded way they are better able to understand your child).

Thanks @Bas27 and @OhHellolittleone

I do tend to think worst case scenario in a lot of things in life!

I received an email from the school last week about stay and play sessions in July. The first one I stay with him, then the other two I leave and collect him later on. I read on the school website children with SEN will be invited to extra sessions so we’ll see. A little bit worried about the last two where he’ll be on his own but at least I’ll be able to chat with the teacher at the first session.

Hey OP, how is it going for your son?