Bees, brambles, husband... which is the problem??

[BornToBeStyled]

Please can you help me figure out an issue I feel that, at 48 years old, I should be able to figure out myself?

Garden extremely overgrown - mainly with brambles, but also any other manner of wild plants. It's truly wild.

So, I realise this is really lovely for the bees and birds. Chuffed about that.

But it's getting harder to sit in, and I don't like the brambles (even if the bees do love the flowers).

Would like to get on top of it ourselves, but it's just not happening (huge amounts on at work, ageing parents, tricky kids, etc). I never get time.

Friend of family looking for work. He's offered to come in and do some bramble clearance. I'm delighted - said yes.

Now husband really upset. Really upset about bees, making me feel like it's immoral and unreasonable to want garden not bordered entirely by metres of brambles (not growing up in lawn too, which is also massively overgrown). And now I'm anxious and upset about the bees, too. Will they die? Can they find somewhere else to go? I know it's a bad time of year to cut back, but it's also just before the summer, when I'd like the kids to be able to use the garden better.

Husband wants us to do "little bits together" (we might have an hour every 2 weeks, I reckon) - just not feasible IMHO (and annoys me when he knows how completely overwhelmed I'm feeling).

Opinions, please?

Is there no reasonable compromise, where some of the brambles are left in place for the wildlife and the rest is cleared?

This is not about the bees IMO it’s about you taking action on something that your husband is embarrassed about and asking another man to do the work that he should have helped with in the first place. My top tip would be to start doing bits yourself when you can. Get some large builders bags (the kind that you get stone delivered in) and keep chopping Brambles and putting them in the bag. Even if you just manage 10 minutes a day it will make a difference. Your other option is a garden waste bin if the council in your area have them. Don’t think of it as a massive project just keep doing a bit when you can. Husband is using the bees as an excuse to be lazy!

There are good, pretty, bee-friendly plants that you could put in that will give you a succession of flower all year round. Try rosybee (no, I don't work for them) and show him the range of plants.

The deflection of the problem by wittering about bees really speaks of a hoarder mindset IMO. Is he prone to that kind of thinking/behaviour elsewhere?

There must bee (sorry!) a compromise. It's silly to let a garden area get completely overgrown. It'd be awful to tackle if you had to sell.

I don't think brambles are a bee plant anyway and assuming you're not planning on razing the entire area, whatever wildlife there is will relocate itself.

www.wildlifetrusts.org/actions/best-plants-bees-and-pollinators

My DH has form for this kind of unhelpful remark - no plan himself, no serious intention of doing anything about it, but doesn't want me to do anything about it either. I tend to just ignore him. Someone's got to be the adult with house and garden maintenance, or the place ends up dilapidated.

We are getting towards a time where there are a lot more flowers around generally. You have practically got the bees through no moe May. Although bees like brambles they adore lavender so I would go and buy yourself some lavender plants and the bees will soon forget about the brambles.

Your husband is probably just embarrassed at getting someone in to do what he feels you can manage between you. Perhaps angle it as you know you don't have capacity for anything extra at the moment so the friend is helping your portion of the work and he is quite free to lend a hand. Your contribution is getting someone in and plonking some lavender plants down.

Thank you all.

Your responses are making me feel calmer about it.

In practice, I think everything will have to come out - not just the brambles. I will need clear flowerbeds to start planting other things. It's actually quite a big garden, and I could make it lovely. I'm actually quite embarrassed myself about how we've let it get. It could (will...?) be so lovely.

Lavender - I'm on it....

I think this is absolutely right psychologically. I got a bloke off Taskrabbit to build a flat pack once that DH had been not doing. He was really offended! Sorry, but what? Get on and do it yourself next time mate (he's really good at flat packs).

I wouldn't tackle serious brambles myself though. You have to get every bit out or they regrow, they're painful (even with thick gloves) and you can easily hurt your back pulling at the feckers.

Ask me how I know...

You're onto something about my husband being embarrassed about getting another male in for this, I think. Hadn't thought of that....

They will only be being cut right back I think, so I'll have to keep snipping the buggers when they out, because they'll keep growing. No way friend will be pulling them up fully (he is young and not a gardener).

everything I plant in my garden has to have a purpose. For bees or birds. It’s my garden but it’s their home.
So I use rhs plant finder and tick the pollinato box. Compromise with your dh, brambles have to go as they are brutes and thugs. By mixing it up with different plants you can help more bees. Different bees have different mouth parts so need different flowers.

Don’t be too quick to pull everything out. You might have some gems under the brambles - and anything that has survived is going to be a hardy plant that you don’t need to fuss about, which makes managing garden much easier. I’d start by digging up the brambles (don’t just cut back), then see what you’re left with. How exciting though ! Love starting afresh. I find if I take “before” photos, it helps keep my motivation - as sometimes you forget how much you’ve done !

You're not being unreasonable. Those brambles need to come out asap. The longer you leave it the harder it'll be. You can then do the fun bit and plant lots of bee friendly plants.
1h every 2 weeks isn't going to touch the sides.

Oooo yes, love a before and after photo!

https://www.rhs.org.uk/plants/search-form

this is the plant finder. If you put in different seasons you can make sure you provide food for the bees all year as well as for different bees.

Bees are foragers and will go elsewhere, obviously it's good to have plenty of bee forage in your garden. Flowering trees are often overlooked in favour of a wild flower garden but one mature flowering tree has more food for bees than a wildflower meadow often, and sustains itself year on year. Just sit under a horse chestnut at blossom time and listen to the hum of the bees!

Not suggesting a horse chestnut of course in a garden but could you replace the brambles with something like dwarf apple/cherry/plum tree, or flowering shrubs (try and go for ones with flowers easily accessible by bees, some have been bred for beautiful flowers but they're often now not able to be accessed by a bees proboscis). A mix of flowering fruit trees, lavender, herbs like thyme, sage and hyssop which bees love when they flower, would be a really pretty and "useful" option for you and the bees, and low maintenance too.

Cutting them back be a life time of work btw, you'll have to hire a gardener a few times a year as they are fast growers and will get out of hand again in no time. Investing in getting them dug out (no mean feat by the sound of it) will enable you to plan a bee friendly garden that doesnt encroach on your enjoyment of the garden.

I think get the garden cleared, brambles are experts at coming back quickly so clearing bits will probably be a losing battle. Then get the garden planted with bee-attracting plants!

Get rid of the brambles only if you can afford to replace with pollinator friendly plants. Doesn’t matter if they are in pots or planted but they will really help to keep the bees happy and your DH can’t really grumble. It really is possible to have a bee friendly garden that looks lovely. You can even replace an all grass monoculture lawn with creeping red thyme or clover. It looks so much better and actively encourages wildlife.

look for buddleia ( keep it trimmed every year), salvias, lavender, lavatera ( again keep it trimmed), fix gloves, lupins, sun flowers, basically anything that flowers.

That’s a good shout @OnyourbarksGSG i got a mixture of clover, grass and daisy seeds. It’s lovely.

Thank you all so much.

Right - a gardening question, then... he'll have to cut the bramble back first, I think, because there's really no way of getting to any roots at all otherwise. And then - would you use a spade to just dig up the whole area? So get the roots that way?

I don't think there's much chance of saving any remaining plants in there, because it'll be down to the friend, and he won't know (as I say, he's very enthusiastic and has energy - which is what this job requires, I think - but is young and not a gardener)....

Thank you again. I did hope MN could sort me out!

I remember as a child living next door (no fences) neighbours who had lots of lavender, it smelt gorgeous and there was so many bees on them. 😊

This year I finally got on top of our brambles. A family member died in January and I spent the best of three weeks solidly digging them up. I’d be out there from morning until DH said it was time for me to come in because it was pitch black.

The last few years I’ve tried doing just the odd couple of hours here and there but they always beat me.

I would say depending on your soil this isn’t the time of year to be digging them out. Just cutting them back is essentially pruning them.

Also how are you going to dispose of them? Do you have an area you can use to have a bonfire?

Yes, I always joked (while I could still joke about it) that I was off out to prune the brambles. I know we need to do something more drastic really. Was just hoping cutting them right down to the ground and then being brutal with cutting up any shoots for half an hour EVERY weekend might work...

Well done @Bloodybrambles - that's fab

Your DH is taking the piss. As a PP has said he's just embarrassed you have by passed him on this.

Yes, I cut brambles back then dig up the roots. Now is quite a good time to do it as it's dry.

I think a lot of people have been mugged by the rewilding lot into thinking that insects only like wild flowers. This is rubbish. There are loads of cultivated garden plants that bees and other pollinators love, and that look pretty. Wigelia is one, pretty pink flowers that go on all summer is an obvious one. Just get some bedding plants from the garden centre and bung them around, the bees will have plenty.