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Original poster

How voice my concerns to DD

14 replies

Balero · 26/05/2025 16:12

I'm not sure where to post this (and I'm fully prepared to be called an overprotective helicopter parent if that's the verdict.
My DD is turning 18 in a few weeks and I really don't want to smother her. She is heading to a festival this summer and I am ok with this as she is going with friends, including her best friend who is 18 already.
My concerns are with her friend's boyfriend who is much older than they are. Obviously I know that this is none of my business as he is not going out with my DD. The initial agreement was that the girls were going to go by train (we booked the tickets a while ago), but they have now agreed to travel there by car with him and his friends.
I am really not liking the idea of my DD being dependent on a bunch of strangers, especially if they are much older than her. I know that I can't stop her as she will be an adult but I would appreciate some advice on how to word my concerns to her without sounding like an overprotective nutcase (because that will most likely be her takeaway).

OP posts:
Disposableusername374 · 26/05/2025 16:17

”sorry to be boring fart mum, but I don’t like the idea of your travel arrangements being dependent on a group of unfamiliar, older men. Make sure you’ve also got the train fare and call me if you need me!”

Octavia64 · 26/05/2025 16:20

Well, I suppose you are worried that they’ll flake for one reason or another.

if the girls already have the train tickets and the lift gets cancelled before the festival then there’s no impact, they just go by train like they planned.

the issue would be if the others left earlier for whatever reason. If the girls have train tickets and have packed light enough that they can come back by train then that’s ok, they can be independent. The problem would be if knowing they are going by car they pack lots and can’t get it all back by train.

it’s quite unlikely the friends of the boyfriend would literally abandon them at a motorway service station but if they have their phones on them they could ring you.

so I guess just ask them to pack light (good idea for a festival anyway) and keep their phones charged. Maybe buy them a back up pack?

IMustDoMoreExercise · 26/05/2025 16:21

How old is the driver and when did he pass his test? How much driving has he done since passing?

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Sirzy · 26/05/2025 16:22

I would just talk to her about how it’s always important to have a plan b (and c!) incase things don’t work as expected

Ddakji · 26/05/2025 16:22

Disposableusername374 · 26/05/2025 16:17

”sorry to be boring fart mum, but I don’t like the idea of your travel arrangements being dependent on a group of unfamiliar, older men. Make sure you’ve also got the train fare and call me if you need me!”

This is perfect.

SlightlyFurther · 26/05/2025 16:23

Sirzy · 26/05/2025 16:22

I would just talk to her about how it’s always important to have a plan b (and c!) incase things don’t work as expected

Exactly.

Original poster
Balero · 26/05/2025 16:34

Thank you, some very good points. I like the plan B version and will probably just accept that I'll get an eye roll.
I think the drivers will all be around the mid 30s mark so this is not a concern I have.

OP posts:
reluctantbrit · 26/05/2025 16:38

To be honest, issues could also come with a younger boyfriends and their mates. I always found that the bigger a group and a clash of personalities can cause issues.

Talk about general needs to always have a plan B and C. Talk about knowing how to access funds and that you are on the other end of the phone to help.
That is not just important for this trip but for life in general.

If she plans to go to uni, you can take that as a starting point.

ShaunaSadeki · 26/05/2025 16:43

So in their mid 30s they are likely to be safer drivers than teenage boys, but ewwwwww to men that age hanging around with teenage girls. The travel would be the least of my worries. Hopefully the friend and the perv will have broken up by then.

Original poster
Balero · 26/05/2025 16:52

ShaunaSadeki · 26/05/2025 16:43

So in their mid 30s they are likely to be safer drivers than teenage boys, but ewwwwww to men that age hanging around with teenage girls. The travel would be the least of my worries. Hopefully the friend and the perv will have broken up by then.

It's one of my main concerns about this whole trip, and I hope the same.

OP posts:
BingoBling · 26/05/2025 16:53

ShaunaSadeki · 26/05/2025 16:43

So in their mid 30s they are likely to be safer drivers than teenage boys, but ewwwwww to men that age hanging around with teenage girls. The travel would be the least of my worries. Hopefully the friend and the perv will have broken up by then.

Indeed, my dds have always taken a dim view of such age gaps.

ShaunaSadeki · 26/05/2025 17:27

Yep, my DS is 22 and when DD tried to set him up with her friends sister (18), he said she was too young for him

faerietales · 26/05/2025 17:29

Just make sure she has money for the train and a spare charger and send her on her way.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 26/05/2025 18:19

I would have thought older men are much more reliable, I'd be very nervous about her getting into a car with an 18 yr old who just got his licence. I'd make sure she has money just in case they get lost and phones don't work, or if friend has a fight with BF and the group splits up. Other than that i think let it go a bit, she knows you have her back and she will figure things out herself. She will be able to decide if she doesnt trust these men and needs to change her plan. Have faith in her.

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