What would you tell your boss if you knew they couldn’t sack you?

[ApricotFlan]

Say what you like with full job security guaranteed…

Dear boss: People don’t respond to you on calls because, when they do, you don’t listen - you just shout over them. You’re not actually interested in an explanation; you’ve just decided they’ve got it wrong and you want to rant/yell.

And on the subject of the ranting and yelling - you’re becoming the boy who cried wolf. Everyone expects it now, so we just ride it out knowing it will be something else tomorrow. But when something really serious eventually does happen, people won’t take it seriously enough, because they’re used to you making mountains out of molehills. And you’ll have a lot of work to do to make them realise it actually is a mountain this time.

why are no decisions ever made

My immediate boss is nice, and the two above her are OK, but the boss three levels up from mine is, in my opinion, a psychopath, so I would like to tell him so, and that he is destroying our organisation and should never have been allowed within a million miles of it.

Ex boss, from job I left last year - you're a smarmy twat who doesn't know what he's doing, and no one respects you.

I know perfectly well that you can't wait for me to leave so that you can use the funding for my post elsewhere, but I really do appreciate how nice you are being meanwhile.

For context - I am receiving treatment for cancer which is very debilitating. I have been trying to get early retirement on ill health grounds but my oncologist has taken nearly 5 months to produce a report, so I have gone off sick. Signed off for 4 months to start with. I would just leave but I can't get my pension unless I retire due to ill health.

That I hate my job, Im fed up being put in charge and my colleagues act like children.
oh wait......that is what I tell my boss!

(a lifetime of being painfully honest leads to people thinking you are 'oh so quirky' and'a right card'.🙄).

You’re in the wrong job. You don’t inspire anyone. You hide when decisions need to be made. Talking to people for an hour mostly about yourself is not being a good leader. People are scared of you. They know you hold a grudge. Stop implying you have no control over things when in reality you just don’t want to rock the boat. When X left your actions were ridiculous. Y left because of you and A. The reason you hate N is because they challenge you.

That when she is in her fifties she will understand that it's a marathon and not a sprint (if you want to survive in the job, at least), and nobody cares about all the pointless things she wants us to to make ourselves look good. And that sometimes, just sometimes, doing a little bit less but doing it properly is better than rushing at everything like a woman possessed just to prove yourself, and exhausting your entire team in the process. And that she is actually a nice person but she's rapidly getting people's backs up so she needs to simmer down for a bit and dial back the intensity.

Boss, I know you had an affair and your wife made you leave your last job and does not like you having any females phone number. Fine, annoying but fine. However will you please check your emails when you are offsite. It would make my job a lot easier.

That when I sit next to him in a meeting my mind often starts to wonder about his hands and what they could do to me… 🙈🙈

Oh dear...you've made quite the buggers muddle of that project haven't you.

How you got the job (and are still gainfully employed after 18 months) is a mystery none of us can fathom.

The sooner you leave, the sooner we can sort out the absolute car crash you've created.

The director knows, the chief exec knows so expect a call shortly....perhaps you'll find that you want to "spend more time with your family"

Look, you're a lovely bloke. I like you, you've been genuinely brilliantly supportive with me and many other members of the team. But your unwillingness to have hard conversations is starting to cause problems. I know it's horrible and I wouldn't want to do it either but that's why I'm not paid a manager's salary and you are.

Please get it sorted, I'd be sad if I ended up disliking either you or the job because of this.

I don't work any more (hallelujah!) but a few things come to mind from my working life:

Boss 1 - learn to send emails with informative subject lines! Every single email you send with an instruction in it has the title 'Please'. This is not helpful.
Boss 2 - you are a raging narcissist. I worked with/for you for years and I'm not sure you even knew I had children, let alone anything about them. I didn't want to talk to you about them, tbh, but I know far more than I want to about yours, including why you were so sure when your eldest was conceived. When you announced you were leaving, even though you had carefully made the timing as inconvenient as it possibly could be, your colleagues literally danced in the corridor with joy. You wouldn't reflect on this if you knew, but it would give most sane people pause.
Boss 3 - you are a thoroughly nasty man, a misogynist and you have the people skills of a wheelie bin.
Boss 4 - it was really, really insensitive to come into the office and chatter blithely on about selling your large family house for so much more than you'd expected that not only could you buy a new downsized home in a very nice part of London but also a UK holiday cottage to add to your existing overseas holiday apartment. You knew or should have done that at least one member of staff listening to this was really struggling to get the deposit together to get a foot on the housing ladder with her partner.
Boss 5 - you are a yes man. I lost all respect for you when I realised you'd always go with the path of least resistance and you wouldn't stand up for your staff. Also, you should have promoted X. She was an exceptionally clever woman and really good at her job. You seemed to think her assertiveness and ability to critique new ideas was a threat, probably because it showed up the mediocrity of the senior people in our team, including you. Pathetic. Tall poppy syndrome.

That was cathartic!

Just another employer bashing thread.

I imagine everyone thinks they are a fantastic employee and that they'd do so much better as a boss...😂

You’re sexist and incompetent and I know you’re so difficult because you know I can do your job better than you and you’re massively insecure.

Boss 1.
You are robbing a living. In 18 months you haven't spoken to us....at all. You pass on Boss 2 orders/instructions like you are a glove puppet. You avoid meetings, keep your camera off and don't ask anything
Boss 2. You haven't spoken to us either. Only conversation you seem to have is with those nearest to you (your mates). When you were forced to sit with some of us you later reported negativity but when asked for examples you couldn't/wouldn't say what you meant. Good news is we now know how you feel about us.

One day I'm due you a kicking and it's going to happen no mercy and no witnesses and it going to look like an accident and you'll say you tripped.👊👊🤼

You're a rubbish boss.

I like my boss but my old boss i did call a stupid fucking bitch I have no regrets

You are a lovely and supportive person and I genuinely enjoy working for you. However, I know more and have more experience than you and should be at least at the same level but for you are organisationally in the right place at the right time. Not complaining as I am paid enough.

Dear boss, if you ever learned how to properly delegate work to your team you wouldn't have to do 60-hour weeks.

What a load of old wank.

Why?

You are really irritating at times and your voice is so monotonous it literally puts me to sleep. You obsess over little things that are pointless whilst the big stuff gets missed. You completely over react to small mistakes unless of course it’s your fault. You are terrible at managing your team

That you need to deflate your ego, stop showing off what you’ve just bought & rewarding employees who further boost your esteem.

You can’t manage a site when you have several to manage & present 0-2 times per week. You also can’t micro-manage everyone’s job particularly if you have zero knowledge on relevant legislation.

You are the best boss I have ever had.

I'm my own boss and no I don't have to manage anyone other than myself.