Cancer - what to tell brownies group

[HephzibahRose]

I have cancer and, although I have had it some time, I have only recently started chemotherapy. So far I haven’t told the girls in my brownie unit of my diagnosis but I am now losing my hair so wondering if anyone has been in a similar position with primary school aged children who are not your own and how you handled it?

I would tell them that you have an illness and it’s nothing to worry about, but the treatment that will make you better is going to make your hair fall out. Something like that. The more truthful, the better! I vividly remember being about 8 and our Brown Owl went off to have a baby and came back without a baby. Nobody explained why until Tawny Owl said “she lost the baby”. I knew what this meant but lots of girls didn’t and thus entailed some weeks of speculation about how this could have happened. I told the other girls eventually, “the baby died”, and was then told off about it, but honestly. Children get more worried when adults try to be evasive.

Hope all goes well for you.

You need to email parents so they have a heads-up before you speak to the girls op.

8 year olds need only to know the basics, not the ins and outs - or you'll be facing some REALLY tough questions that many of them aren't mature enough to cope with.

I like the idea of you're ill and the treatment you're having is causing to lose your hair, be really tired, feel really poorly - which also explains why you might not be around for some sessions.

My sil told my 8 and 6 year olds their grandma (my mum) had cancer. We'd been managing it with 'grandma is ill, she's going to have an operation and some treatment afterwards etc. Didn't change the outcome but didn't need the big scary c-word. Thanks to sil they fell apart with worry and I spent weeks reassuring them that Grandma was no poorlier than before - I'll never forgive sil for that.

Just be upfront and honest and expect some curious questions or complete apathy.

Wishing you all the best with your chemo

It says a lot about your lovely self that you’re worried about your flock of Brownies.

I think I would let the parents know rather than the girls as then they can give the message depending on their own family’s circumstances. At that sort of age, some girls will have no idea what it means but others will have had relatives with it and, depending on how those relatives got on, it could be upsetting for them. If your message is going to be a fairly factual, reassuring one, it only takes one girl to declare “my grandad/auntie had cancer and died” to really confuse and possibly upset the others. It also helps as then you know everyone has got the message including those who were absent or simply not listening! And that they got the right message.
As for how to actually tell the girls, Macmillan and other charities in this area have guides on how to tell children. They are aimed at telling your own children which is a different situation but might have some useful ideas anyway.
I hope your treatment goes well

Tell the parents first, and tell them you want to tell the girls yourself, then they aren't taken by surprise when their child comes back saying you told them you have cancer and what does this mean.

Also could you maybe ask your commissioner for advice on whether you should tell them/how you should do it. There's probably some kind of protocol (not the word I want but can't think of it) in place around this sort of thing. It's likely to be something that may upset some of the girls.

Wishing you all the best.

Thank you to everyone who has responded.

I like the idea of you're ill and the treatment you're having is causing you to lose your hair, be really tired, feel really poorly - which also explains why you might not be around for some sessions.

This is the route I was edging towards, alongside telling parents the same beforehand. I’m reluctant to state my diagnosis to the children (I am expecting the parents to work it out), because it’s my personal medical information and not appropriate to my relationship with the brownies to share it and, as already pointed out, someone might say something that upsets the others.

I was a 20+ years Tawney Owl. My best friend in the whole world, who used to be Snowy Owl in my unit and became Brown Owl in her own unit. She died of secondary breast cancer 18 months ago. Her daughter was young leader. My daughter and her daughter went on international camp together, same age, and were very goid friends.

God Bless Girl Guidong for giving me, and our daughters, such deep friendship.

She died.

She lost her hair a long time before, about 5y before with primary breast cancer. Then about 2y before she died with second set of chemo. With the second chemo she became very ill. But she stayed brown Owl throughout. She kept attending.

Your question is about talling the unit. My friend choose not to. It was obvious. She lost her hair, she was increasing poorly. She chose not to tell the parents or the children directly, but i know they all knew. But for a long time we carried on as normal. Thats what she wanted. All other leaders across district and division knew, but respected her choice not to say it out loud. That was OK, it was her choice.

What is your choice?

Whatever you choose, Girlguiding friends are the best friends. They will support you no matter what you choose 💛 💙

💐💐💐 for you op.

I told my rainbows and brownies the truth. Cancer isn’t a dirty word. Or something to hide or be ashamed of. I didn’t give the parents a heads up but was happy to talk to any of them about it. I like to think I gave my girls an alternative for the “cancer means death” scenario- and I carried on running my packs most weeks throughout my treatment.

I would email the parents first, it gives them the chance to speak to their daughters incase any have prior experience with knowing someone with cancer and put together what it means from you saying. That will also make it likely you get less questions.
Then just explain you've been poorly so doctors are giving you a special medicine to help you get better, and that it can sometimes make hair fall out but it will grow back after so is nothing to worry about, and that it can also make people a bit tired so you might miss some weeks if you need to rest while you're getting better.

I told my class that I was unwell and sometimes I wouldn't be there, and the medicine that makes me better makes my hair fall out so I will look a bit strange for a while

As an aside your immunity will take a hit. Are you sure volunteering with germy children is the best thing for you n

It is so considerate of you to be thinking of others at this time, and speaks volumes on how you want the best for the young people in your care. I think I would agree that you send a factual and short email to parents, and then answer any questions directly and honestly from the brownies. Young people, in my view, cope with this far better than euphemisms and not being able to ask, and although they may be clumsy in their questions, they are asked from a true and honest need to ask. I'm a scout leader, and although I am not going through anything like what you are, I would do this in your position. I am wishing you every bit of luck and love and hope you get through this, our world needs people like you xxxx