Mum's Ring - what to do with it?

[GinJeanie]

Hiya. I'm looking for ideas on what you'd do in this situation. My Mum died quite a while back and left me her engagement ring, amongst other things.
We had a difficult relationship and she was quite emotionally abusive when we were younger. I don't know what to do with this ring. To be honest, I don't really want this sort of keepsake - particularly as her marriage to my Dad wasn't particularly happy. Also, it was cut off her finger when she went into ICU before she died- which just reminds me of a sad, traumatic time. I don't want to keep it but I'd feel guilty getting rid of it. Is that ridiculous? My brothers don't want it for similar reasons. I know it's daft I wouldn't pass it onto my DCs as it almost feels cursed (overdramatic, I know). Shall I just hide it in the loft and forget about it?

OP - don’t throw it away or sell it- just keep it in a pretty little box and let it remind you of happy times with her- there must have been some. I don’t know how anyone could throw it away. The idea of making into something else is a good idea too.

Yes this is a good idea. And totally guilt free.

Or... if you were to keep some of the proceeds for yourself that would be OK too.

sell it and donate the proceeds
To an animal charity. U offload an item that is emotional negative to u and it end up in a brilliant and worthy cause.

I agree with most PPs.
Sell the article, which has only negative emotions tied to it, and use the money to treat yourself or your family, or if you tend towards guilt, then donating the proceeds to help others is a satisfying and good thing to do. Either way, job done no physical reminder to come across or even to give headspace to anymore.

Your mother will not know what you decided to do with the object.
Sad and traumatic memories are hard to overcome, I know.
I like to think that the people who hurt us when they were alive are now in a place where they now know they were wrong.
Remember: " Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts,and you are the slave to your emotions".

I don’t know about OP but my mother was an abusive cunt and there were no ‘happy times’ - anything that resembled such was utterly fake and only took place in front of an audience.

You should consider yourself very fortunate that you don’t know how anyone could throw it away. Those of us who have suffered abuse from those who were supposed to love and protect us tend not to want keepsakes in ‘pretty little boxes’

Either sell it and buy something you like or use the stone (s) to be fashioned into a bespoke piece of jewellery.

Maybe this will help, @GinJeanie. It’s not the same but the issue is similar. When my Dad died, my Mum had part of his ashes made into stones and got a ring made from them.
When Mum died, neither me nor my siblings wanted the ring. We decided to bury it along with my Mum’s ashes and my brother put the ring inside the packet of ashes. Maybe you could put the ring at wherever she is? No-one would know if you dug out a chunk of soil, put the ring in and then replaced the soil.
It would bring you closure and you wouldn’t have any guilt about the disposal of the ring as it would be with your mum.

I gave my mother's necklace to the local jeweller and told them to use the materials for the benefit of any of their customers (replacement lost stones/additional gold, whatever)

Sell it and buy something you like. If it had sentimental value, I would've said have it remodelled/ stones made into earrings.

Alzheimer’s Society accepts jewellery in any condition so you would not even have to sell it

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-involved/make-donation/recycling

Have it valued.
It might not even be worth much.

Different circumstance , but my mum's rings were not to my taste , and were also of an old fashioned design due to their age , so I took them to a jewellery designer and had them melted down and made into something I liked .

Sell it and move on. Or if it makes you feel better then give it away. You will feel a weight off your shoulders.

There is a charity, called ‘gift of a wedding’. They arrange short notice weddings for terminally ill people, and do an awful lot of good. They are constantly asking for donated jewellery that they can have to be remade into rings for their weddings. I will try to link.
www.giftofawedding.org

That sounds like a lovely idea. The recipients will be going through a horrible time, but they won't know the history of the piece. It will have been remodelled and to them it will be a significant part of a happy and sad day.

Just keep it. It’s not worth selling as you’ll get nothing for it so pass it down. Diamonds may be worth something someday. Hopefully

And it depends on the size and clarity

They have no resale value. Pass it down and hope they become valuable

And it’s just a thing. It’s inanimate, nothing to feel guilty about.

This what I have been wondering about. OP hasn’t even stated what the ring is made of, but at best surely it would be sold as scrap, given it’s been cut off someone’s finger?

I have my mum’s engagement ring but we had a great relationship so at some point, I’ll have the stone reset into a new band. If we’d not had a good relationship, I absolutely would have sold it and bought a nice replacement ring.

If you buy something else, despite the very difficult relationship, you’re still being ‘respectful’ (if that’s what you want) but also in a way you’re symbolically starting over too.

That is, of course, if it’s worth much. It might only be worth the gold but I think it’s worth checking and then buying yourself something lovely with no unhappy memories attached.

@Renamed - thank you. I like the idea of this charity as we've lost members of the family to Alzheimers.
@notenoughhere - it's an aquamarine and diamond cluster (19 carat gold). I've no idea if it's of any value but probably won't bother to find out. Hopefully, it'll be of some use to somebody.

My grandma left me loads of expensive but not my style jewellery. I sold it to a jeweller and used the money against a single piece I liked.