So stressed about food and dieting

[nervousasf]

I’ve been a big girl since I was a kid - 7 stone by age 7, 14 stone by 14. As an adult the heaviest I’ve been is 23 stone 7. I’m now 20 stone 9.

I have CPTSD, OCD, binge eating and have been agoraphobic for long periods of time. Currently I’m optimised on meds and working full time.

For context, I’m in my mid thirties - life circumstances and being neurodivergent have meant I’m not as ‘grown up’ as I probably should be.

I’ve lost about 2 and a half stone since February due to weight loss jabs. I genuinely
thought I was doing amazing, my periods have returned, I’m managing to do a little bit more exercise and I’m eating more sensibly most of the time. Managed to buy size 20 pyjamas the other day and was jumping round the house when they fitted.

My family don’t seem so impressed though and keep saying I’m not losing fast enough, I should be losing much more and more quickly.

I’m now going through periods of starving myself to try to lose weight faster, which isn’t working.

Most recently they’ve asked if I can send a monthly update. The reasoning is they’re paying for the jabs, I could never afford on my salary.

I don’t know what to do. I sat for four hours today terrified of eating. I had half a bar of chocolate yesterday because I missed two meals dealing with two emergencies at work (patient facing role), and had no access to any other food and was exhausted, shaking and needing fast energy.

I’m taking high doses of laxatives to try and speed up loss as well.

I put on a pound last week during my period, I then found myself worrying how I would explain that.

I don’t know what to do and how to talk to family. I don’t want them to think I’m not grateful or not trying. I don’t always eat the right things but I got told the other day ‘I’m different to most people’ and that I shouldn’t broadcast that I’ve eaten something nice because people will wonder what’s wrong with me.

I really hate myself as it is, it’s a living battle just to get up most days. I don’t know what to do.

I do eat the wrong things sometimes, occasionally I accept dessert or have a couple of biscuits, and if I’ve been out with friends I get chips or cocktails. So not always the best food.

I really do think you need to see a doctor and tell them what you've typed in this post. It's worrying that you feel like this and the behaviours you have shown.

Losing weight at the rate of 1-2lbs a weeks is great. It’s a healthy loss.

I’m taking high doses of laxatives to try and speed up loss as well. You need to stop this, it will make you ill and you’re going to develop an eating disorder.

Focus on eating food and starting some exercise. Don’t tell your family how much weight you’ve lost. Just say I’m happy with weight loss.

Are your family paying for your MJ?

Two and a half stone since February, and your family are complaining? You've done amazingly well. I agree with PP, take this issue to your doctor, it isn't right how they treat you.

I don't think you should go to your doctor because there's nothing wrong with you. Stop listening to your family. I get they're paying for it but I don't think that makes them entitled to monthly updates. It's fair enough they want to know it's working but you saying "it's working" and them seeing the evidence when they visit should be enough ?

If only you had read the OP's post properly before posting...

It sounds as though your family might be part of the problem in terms of the difficulties you are having, but please don't abuse your body by taking laxatives and not eating.

I'm another one who thinks you're amazing. For what it's worth, it took me a YEAR to lose 3st 5lb (without weightloss injections). 2.5st in four months is tremendous.

Very importantly, stop taking laxatives to appease your family! I'm very concerned about their treatment of you, that sounds abusive.

There's no doubt your other conditions are going to make this harder for you. Have you spoken to your GP? You could be eligible on the NHS? In any case your doctor needs to be aware as it could affect your other medications.

It's OK to allow yourself a treat but not a binge (ideally. I appreciate that might be difficult for you). Make sure you have healthy snacks/quick food for those busy days - I don't buy biscuits etc so I can't eat them.

You are doing brilliantly. 1-2lbs a week is healthy sustainable weight loss. Faster is not good for your body. Please stop taking laxatives you will mess your system up. Google healthy weight loss speed and find a reputable reply, probably NHS site. Show this to your family. I’m sorry they are being helpful on one hand by paying and threatening you on the other.
I would suspect therapy would uncover how you were treated as a child being a root cause of many of your anxiety issues and how you behave around food. Is there anyway you can find the money yourself and step away from your family?
Sorry I’m aware I may also be very wide of the mark but they are being very controlling.
Oh and gaining weight the week of your period is completely normal and there is nothing you can do about it it’s just a hormonal shift.

the family are definitely part of the problem