How to talk to young children about scattering ashes?

[BlueShed]

Any advice or resources you can point me to to talk to a 4 and 6 year old about what scattering ashes is please? I’m happy for them to come along, but I’m sure they’ll ask a lot of questions and I don’t want to potentially frighten them by explaining anything inappropriately.

Explain it in a very matter of fact way.

'Tony died. This means his body stopped working. Some people bury the body of the dead person in the ground, others burn the body until it turns to ashes. In this jar we have the ashes left after Tony's body was burned and we are going to scatter them in this forest because Tony loved trees. Today scattering the ashes is important because his family and friends are remembering how much they loved Tony and it's their way of saying goodbye to him'.

Avoid any euphemisms like 'fallen asleep' or 'passed on'.

As above. If they have made camp fires you can explain that it's the same as when the wood turns into ashes and they will help the plants grow.

Have a look on Child Bereavement UK (CBUK) lots of info on how to talk to children about death & dying. Some lovely animations to watch. Lots of practical support & advice
explains about how children ‘puddle jump’ in and out of grief too and a helpline.
so sorry for your loss x

Thanks for the replies. I will definitely be factual. I think the bit I have in mind (and I’m aware this might not even raise an eyebrow for them, but I don’t know until I start the conversation) is explaining cremation. But it’s simple really isn’t it, once someone’s body stops working and they die, you do have to do something with it.

What @CrickityCrickets said is bang on. When I had training on this through work they said that children will often accept the simplest most matter of fact explanation and when discussing death always use definite words and avoid 'lost' or 'passed away'.

And yes regarding cremation do exactly what you've described , talk about people being either buried or cremated usually and explain in more detail if asked.

X didn’t want to be buried under ground but instead rest in peace over ground, so they chose for the same process of wood to ash, so that their loved ones could scatter freely.

It’s lovely that you’re giving it some real thought. My Dad was an adult when his Dad died and seeing his Dad reduced to a box of ashes really impacted him. So he was very thoughtful in letting me know what to expect when my Grandmother (his Mum) died and I was totally fine.

I would also talk about how peopl, especially you, behave when they’re sad and missing the person who’s died. Things alone the lines of: In our family when people are upset they tend to xxxxxx.

My cousin was quite young when our maternal Grandmother died and she’d be talked through everything that would happen. When she woke up on the morning, it was pouring with rain and she worried whether that would put the fire out.

Definitely don’t phrase it like my dad did when telling me about the will he’d just made (I think I was about 7 or 8) - he said he wanted to be scattered on an air field so he could “watch the planes forever”. I of course pictured thousands of tiny eyes blinking up from the grass, absolutely horrifying at the time.