I don't want to date, but I'm bored. Help!

[Cryingatthegym]

So I've been single for a year after leaving my abusive marriage. In that time I've had a couple of brief, erm, encounters with men, but in general I'm happy on my own and don't really have any burning desire to introduce a man into my life or home. Nor do I want to spend hours trawling through the apps or dedicating lots of time & energy to speaking to random men online.

But now the evenings are getting warmer and lighter and I find myself with more energy, headspace and confidence now I'm feeling more healed (for lack of a less wanky word), I feel like I really want to get out and about and do fun things when I don't have the kids with me. I've started wondering if I should start dating just so I can get out and meet new people, but I know deep down that's not really what I want to do.

I go the the gym & do weekly yoga classes, have a busy full time job and I meet up with friends for coffee/brunch/occasional cocktails, but I'm starting to feel like I need more than that. Is there an app out there for single women who just want to hang out and be pals and do fun stuff together?

Please hit me with your suggestions for ways I can meet new people and have new experiences!

Meet Up?

I think that you can do hinge/bumble for friends

In that time I've had a couple of brief, erm, encounters with men 😄😄

Congratulations on being free from your ex ❤️

Sign up to some evening classes/activities. That way you get to try new things/go to new places and meet new people.

All good suggestions thank you. I'll have a look at the apps and see what classes are available near me. I have already signed up for a book club next week, which I'm very excited about.

I've also started wondering if I should just take myself out! But for some reason I feel a bit weird about the idea of going for dinner/to the cinema/walks etc by myself. Does anyone have any experience of this?

Your ex must really have done a number on you if you think that going out alone is in any way ‘weird’. I’m happily married and go to the theatre, cinema, exhibitions etc alone all the time.

Oh, he really did.

People always seem to be out in couples/families/groups etc which is why it feels odd to me I guess. And maybe also an element of needing human connection?

I'd really like to become comfortable with it though, because I really love learning to enjoy and appreciate my peace and own company. I just need to get out of the house!

No real advice, just to say I feel the same!

I am 3 years post divorce and a few months out of a toxic relationship.

During the day I am busy with work and kids but when the evenings and weekends hit I find myself feeling a bit bored, as all of my friends are coupled up. I can’t even say I feel lonely to be honest, just sometimes I think “it would be nice to do something with someone”.

I have dipped my toe into online dating but to be honest, after having a few dates with some nice guys, yes it filled my time but there were often points where I would think “Id rather be at home with my cat/decorating/watching a box set”. I have realised that unless the company I am in is a true connection, it actually leaves me feeling more bored, lonely and disconnected… if that makes any sense?!

So I am trying to do more things that I enjoy; yoga class, creative hobbies, seeing friends… because online dating is just tedious really and I am not sure I’m in the headspace really to have a relationship that I’d have to give my all to.

Sorry for the waffle! Hope this makes sense!!

I love going to the cinema on my own! And there are always others there on their own too

That makes perfect sense @ifeelprettyorange, thank you for sharing and letting me know I'm not the only one feeling like this. Maybe we need to start a club!

I’m not sure OLD is the answer. I’ve only had a couple of dates since being single and I was so bored on the last one I did actually think wtf am I doing here. Whilst my ex was a dick in many ways at least we socialised well and we enjoyed each others company. The men I’ve matched with are totally unsuitable for me.

I’ve looked at Meetup and near me the members all seem much older than me (photos on their fb group) so that’s put me off.

I try to keep busy with the gym, reading, going for walks (which isn’t that bad on your own) and I do see friends. There’s also something to be said for getting used to your own company, but I’m at the stage that I’m enjoying my peace so much I’m not sure I’d want to give that up for a man! He’d have to be pretty perfect!

@CryingatthegymId be up for that!
not sure on your age but I’m late 30s and I’ve looked into meet up groups or solo holidays (as a group) and the age range wasn’t what I’d be looking for as @FutureCatMumhas said. Nothing at all wrong with having older friends (I have many!) but equally it’s nice to mix with people at a similar life stage.

And don’t get me started on the single persons premium you have to pay to book a trip alone!!

I definitely go to the cinema, walks, eat out alone. Lots of people do. No one else cares. You'll be fine.

I'd have missed out on so many things if I had been waiting for someone to do things with.

Same here. I joined a Meetup group. It's a mixed group, mostly single people, a few couples, a fair age range. We go for dinners, shows, pub quizzes, pub bands, Saturday brunch, Sunday afternoon pubs, that kind of stuff. It's great as although I do a lot of things solo (cinema, walks, theatre, days out), those are the things where you want company.

I’m sorry to hear that, genuinely.

I think you’re probably also seeing families and couples because that’s what you’re expecting to see. I’m eating brunch in a cafe by myself right this second and having a very nice time solo. There are several people I could have had brunch with, but I felt like eating alone. Choosing to do something pleasurable alone is a real luxury. I appreciate that if you’re actually lonely, it may not feel like it. In your shoes I would work on finding new friends via activities you enjoy, but also deliberately do pleasant things by yourself. I genuinely think that unless you’re also going for a drink or a meal as well, going to the cinema or theatre is a waste of an evening with friends. You’re sitting in silence in the dark!

Salsa! Everyone goes to salsa classes and clubs alone. It's the best social life imaginable and completely addictive.

I'm also late 30s @ifeelprettyorange!

I don't think I'm lonely, I have 3 kids, a busy job and plenty of friends to catch up with. I just find myself yearning for something more in the evenings and on the weekends when the kids aren't with me. I'm pretty sure it's not a man though, so perhaps getting comfortable with going out and doing things by myself is the answer!

@Cryingatthegym how about volunteering or joining a walking group? Are there any social groups you could join in your areas?

I’ve DM’d you @Cryingatthegym🙂