If you wanted to help someone with cash..

[Curlybook]

How would you go about it.

I know a woman, single mum to a young child plus 3 older DC all at Uni. She's amazing, studying for a better life, and doing carework to get by, plus supporting her mum with her father who has dementia, and I don't mean doing a bit here and there, she really throws herself into finding the best activities to keep him active etc and takes them out regularly.

Likewise the older children, she can't support them financially but the practical support and guidance she gives is something else.

She's also a lovely person and manages to remain cheerful despite all the challenges.

The most recent one is a car that is constantly letting her down.

I know her as a fairly frequent aquaintance, but I wouldn't say we're friends.

I can easily afford to help her out, but I know in her shoes I'd find it weird that someone like me me gave her money. Is there a way to do it without freaking her out? I'd prefer to do it anonymously if possible.

Post/put cash in a card with a typed out note explaining why you are giving it, her good qualities etc, but with no name on it?

Ooh spooky!

I read an almost identical thread about a year or so ago.

I'll try and find it and perhaps it will help.

Yes, I've thought of doing that, butni don't want to scare her.

Or sign it from a friend, acquaintance etc?

What a lovely thing for u to consider doin , we need more peaple like u in the world

That was possibly my thread, I wanted to help a friend out who had a serious illness but felt she was too proud to accept it. I didn't have a huge amount to share though, a few 100. Many posters said she would be paranoid and jumpy with an anonymous donation. In the end I posted a voucher for her nearest supermarket and a voucher for a nice lunch. I sent the same voucher again at Christmas. When she phoned to say thanks and left a voicemail I messaged to that was the end of it, she didn't need to thank me etc. We've never discussed it since and when we meet its 50/50 or we take turns. I'm not in a position to change her life but I think I helped a little.

Think of a way of paying the garage yourself, and get them to say an anonymous friend has paid for your car repairs, leave your car with us on a suitable day.

Good idea @zenas

Although posting it through her door would be the most anonymous, I think that would freak me out a bit in her shoes. She might think it’s a man with an obsession with her or something, because she would have no clue who it was from. I think you should sign it with your name and she will be more likely to accept it.
If you just offered her money through a transfer I think pride would get in the way and she might not think it’s a genuine offer.

I would post money through her door with a lovely note telling her what a good mum you think she is etc and sign your name. It’s the only way I would accept something like that.

She has has a ring doorbell, so if I post it through her door, she'll know it was me.

That might be a good thing . I could do it "anonymously", and it would never be spoken about but she'd know it wasn't some weirdo....or she might think I'm the weirdo!

One option might be to offer to lend her the money for the car repair on the basis that she pays you back in very small monthly instalments. She might feel more able to accept that, and a long-term interest free loan from a lender who doesn't chase for any missed repayments will still be helpful to her.

TBH when we did this (old friends in pretty dire straits) I just put the cash ( quite a lot) in a card - it was not far off Christmas anyway and we drove for a couple hours ,unannounced, to see them - said we wanted to take them out for lunch.

Afterwards I got her alone in the kitchen and passed it over. She said she wasn’t sure her dh would accept it (too proud) but I said in that case, it’s just for you and the dcs. She didn’t tell him until after we’d left.
He did accept it though - he phoned to thank us later. But as we told him, we knew very well that they’d have done the same for us.