3 days working or 4 days

[Deb11009]

I am really unsure whether up try and up my work days from 3 to 4 days and would welcome any advice.

I returned from maternity leave 2 weeks ago after having a second baby. We have a 2 year old and a 10 month old. They are going to nursery 3 days a week and with me the other days. No family childcare that we would use.

I have enjoyed being back at work and sometimes feel like on my days off with the boys we just do the same things locally because it’s hard going too far with two so young on my own. Also my salary has dropped dramatically and I don’t like relying on my partner. He earns a lot more than me but when I worked 4 days my salary was enough that I could just manage my own money without any help and save some. At the moment he pays more bills as I’m on a lot less.

I would earn about £600 more a month if I went back to 4 days rather than 3 but the extra day at nursery would be about £300 a month we think even with the 30 hours coming in. I also question is 4 full days at nursery the right thing especially for my youngest.

if I did up my hours is unlikely I could reduce again but if I want to up them I need to tell my boss asap as they are currently looking at merging teams to spread workload and there might not to be capacity to up my days if I waited it out.

Reallu not sure what to do for the best for myself and the family

I've worked three days. My youngest has really felt the benefit. When he's old enough for school, I'll be happy to increase. I always say I'd not wish for more days at work whilst on my death bed, but I'd always want more time with the little ones. I'm around for school pick-ups/drops with eldest, pop-in parent sessions etc.

Yes, not always amazing days out or even interesting, but I feel it's been of benefit to us. I feel blessed we've been able to manage with me working only three days. We are not high earners but we've made it work.

I would stick to 3 days; I think that’s a perfect balance. I know it’s frustrating to have to rely on your partner but it’s a worthwhile thing to spend time with your children when they’re still little. It’s a cliché but these early years pass so quickly.

Also don’t worry about where you go with them on your days off - they don’t need day trips and activities every time. Just potter about with them - go to the park or for a walk, play with Lego etc at home.

I worked 3 days until DD started school and then changed to 4 short days so I picked her up everyday and there was only breakfast club to pay for. I
Is that a consideration for you?

What would your children choose?
Do they like spending time with you?

Can you, as a couple, afford for you to work three days for another few years?
If your children are happy and thriving and you can manage on three days then try not to feel like a failure - your kids are benefitting.

I do 4 days and really like it, we used nursery as no family help and now DD is at school.

I think 4 days is better for protecting career/progression. 3 days tends to make that harder (it shouldn’t but it often does).

I am senior and 3 days wouldn’t have been allowed anyway. But a lot of senior staff do full time compressed in to 4 days so it fitted in better.

But 3 days isn’t a bad thing, just depends on what you feel works best.

@Dingdongavon thank you, yes that is what we generally do on my days off. We have a little routine of walks somewhere in the morning and afternoon after naps and lunch but it feels a bit samey. I just struggle with them both out sometimes as my 2 year old is on the go but need to carry my 10 month old and even when a carrier sometimes it’s a bit difficult.

@user1492757084 I’d like go think they would prefer to be with me, not sure they can tell me yet properly 😂. At nursery my 2 year old does love it because there’s so much going on, but he seems happy on the days with me too.
As a couple we can afford it, but money will be tighter, especially for me. I used up all my savings on maternity and think I will struggle to save and have to be really careful with spending.

@FancyCatSlave I do see what you mean about the 4 days and protecting job / career progression. I do worry about that.

I do 3 days and I'm happy with the balance. Mine and DH's incomes are both "our money", so that's less of an issue for me . I know my 2 year old is happier having 4 days with me / 3 days at childcare. I do think about my pension and so once he is at school I would try to move back into a full time role.

I find 4 days ideal. I, too, struggle to entertain two young children. Only having one day a week to think of ways to entertain them is great, plus I have more money to do more exciting outings on that day. It has less impact on career progression too.

I hope you're charging your DP for the two days of childcare you're providing so he can work. If not, maybe you need to think about pooling your money in a fairer way.

It's probably best for your kids to stay at three days. It can be repetitive, but that's what they need! Simple, close time with their parents.

That said, if you'd really prefer four, they'll be fine in childcare.

Reallu not sure what to do for the best for myself and the family

Well, my first priority would be to stop with the 'my money / his money' nonsense. You are a family, with small dc. How can he possibly think it acceptable to keep his money separate when you are spending two days a week doing childcare ? Unless he is paying you for that? Everything that comes in to the household should be family money and IF you have enough in the budget, then you could both have an equal amount of personal money each month.
Once you start thinking like a family, then it puts the way you look at circumstances more clearly.
You must also think about your pension.

As long as your partner is very open with money and not leaving you in a vulnerable financial situation, (so you share what you both earn), and as long as you can manage on the 3 days financially and are both happy with this, then I would stick to 3 days. Your children will grow and be in school so quickly and having that time with them is so precious.
i work two (albeit extremely long) days a week and have the other 5 days with my DS and absolutely love this dynamic.