Turbulence/flying - best approach

[Hertsmum78]

This has been done to death I know, but I have a particular question and I'd really appreciate honest views on it from people who have struggled with it and either overcome it or not.

I've never been a totally relaxed flyer but until a few years ago I used to be fine - didn't love take off but was always fine once the plane was in the air and it never put me off booking flights or going on holiday or work travel (of which I do a bit).

A few years ago, I had a turbulent flight back from the US (it was probably officially 'moderate' rather than severe turbulence but it went on for hours, certainly I'd never experienced anything it). And this really set me back and I have never fully recovered. I still fly, because I'm determined to (I love my holidays and not willing to sacrifice them) but I am basically anxious for the entirety of the flight and in the event of any turbulence now (even mild) I am in a right state - clinging on to my husband if he's there, calling the cabin crew for reassurance if he's not.

I am not logically scared of crashing, honestly I'm not. I'm quite a risk averse person and if I thought I might die on the plane, I wouldn't get on the plane. I know how safe it is. I just go into a total panic at being up in the air in a big tube shaking around.

I'm currently on a work trip to Paris where I flew when I could have got the Eurostar, just for the 'exposure therapy'. The flight was fine, I didn't freak out and it was relatively smooth, but I basically hated every minute and thought 'why have I done this when I could have got the train?'. I no longer believe that just doing it over and over again will help. It feels like my brain has been rewired.

So, my question is this: can I really overcome this? If you did it, please tell me how. There's no need for me to do a fear of flying course. I know what all the noises are and why stuff happens, and I'm perfectly capable of getting myself on a plane if necessary without having a panic attack. I just hate it and I want to not hate it again.

I've never taken any kind of drugs/alcohol/anything to make the sensations more tolerable because that's not really my vibe. I'm not a big drinker and I don't want to take a tranquiliser on a short flight that will just make me feel like crap when I get off the plane two hours later, if flying short haul. Maybe I should just accept that I'm now a person who hates flying, take beta blockers (or other drugs of choice) when it's unavoidable, and get on with it.

All thoughts/ideas welcome.

'It's uncomfortable but not dangerous' keep telling yourself over and over, like a mantra. Concentrate on breathing. Tell yourself it's temporary and that it will pass. In my experience turbulence has usually passed after about 3/4 deep breaths.
I have the same fear so I understand

There are quite a few pilots who have instagram accounts and talk about turbulence. Find one of these and follow. It will put your mind at ease. We were in a crash landing many years ago and had to evacuate the aircraft down the emergency shoot. It was absolutely terrifying. Our daughter was two at the time and I thought we were going to die. Eventually over the years I have managed to control my anxiety when flying. I just kept telling myself it was safer than crossing the road.

I have a flying phobia. Not just a fear. A full-blown phobia.

I've also spent thousands on trying to overcome it. Ironically, I used to work overseas so had to fly minimum 4 or 5 times a year. And every bloody time I was a gibbering idiot who screamed and cried at turbulence and white knuckled and self-hypnotised every take-off.

The ONLY thing that ever in anyway began to help was one particular therapist that started doing aversion therapy with me. We didn't complete the course because he became ill, but it had some positive effect. That is where I would start if I had to fly again (currently even avoiding holidays due to flights!).

This may be a stupid suggestion but could you set up some sort of little ritual that you do enjoy which you only do on flights?

I’m thinking of things like a lovely smelling hand cream/nail treatment, a box of Maltesers, a series you love and rewatch only on flights, a magazine or puzzle book, a podcast, etc. Whatever you like. Basically something to look forward to, a positive association. And a distraction to some extent.

I overcame my fear of flying by taking lots of short haul flights. And I always have a few rum and cokes (I don't drink much at all usually).

I feel very similarly, after a bad flight I didn’t fly for 20 years - got back on a plane last year for a family holiday and even though it was very smooth I hated every second - god knows what I’d be like on a properly bumpy flight!

My strategy was to break the flight down into half hour chunks (a good Netflix series on the iPad helps with this!) and just get through half an hour at a time. Something low-effort to watch as a distraction. And watch the air crew walking about without a care in the world, and think how they wouldn’t do this as a career if they weren’t sure they’d get home safely every time.

A few drinks often helps.

I keep my eyes on the flight attendants (probably to 'fixed-stare, stalker' levels actually). I find it helps enormously, even when the seat belt sign goes on and they have to strap themselves in, when I can see them laughing and joking between themselves, or when they get up every now and then to help a passenger. Their normality and their assumption that this is 'just another day' is what gets me through.

A huge thank you to all air crew out there. You will never know how much your bantering and sharing a Mars Bar reassures us nervous passengers.

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat I once listed to FA's discussing their holey tights as we took off. Was THE. BEST. calming agent I've ever experienced on a plane. Their mundanity was the best antidote for my hysteria.

Hypnotherapy is excellent for fear of flying, because it's an emotional issue rather than a logical one. For most people a couple of sessions should be enough.

(@TheAmusedQuail as well)

@Blackcurrantteacake - massive respect for getting back on a plane after that happened to you! My 'moderate turbulence' trauma was obviously nothing in comparison to that...

@Eyesopenwideawake I have wondered about hypnotherapy as I have already done most of the other things on this thread - following pilots on instagram, watching cabin crew chatting etc.

If anyone has a rec for a good London/SE-based hypnotherapist for this, I'm willing to give it a shot.

Emdr could also really help.

Hypnotherapy, while very relaxing, did nothing for me unfortunately. I tried 2 different therapists.

Happy to send through a list if you'd like.

Sympathies, OP - I'm fine with flying (I actually quite enjoy 'airbumps'!) but my OH used to loathe it: not quite a phobia, but a kick in the arse off it.

He was getting worse and worse a few years ago (which was making life difficult for him professionally, as he often has to travel at short notice for work when train or car wouldn't be possible).

We were flying to Greece on holiday and he was SO brave even getting on the plane, when, as fate would have it, we struck a particularly nasty patch of turbulence which even made me a bit uneasy (we were also sitting in the rear seats, where any movement is exaggerated at the best of times). I could see my OH going grey with fear and I was getting a bit worried for him.

Suddenly, like some divine intervention, this glorious young male flight attendant appeared, sat on the aisle seat next to my OH, shoved a large whisky in his hand and basically 'coached' him through the whole thing: ah, this is fine, it's like speedbumps in the sky, this is what the pilot's doing, this is what the plane is doing etc.

Honestly, he was like an angel and I could have kissed him for his kindness (although I don't think I was his type).

Anyhoo, ever since, OH has been mostly fine, as he can now rationalise what's going on and accept it - he's a bit of a Type A personality and I think the fear was a lack of control / knowledge thing. Now that he knows what's going on, he can ride it out (although he's definitely still not mad about it!).

As PPs have said, there are some excellent pilot SM accounts that are worth checking out and most big airports run 'overcoming fear of flying courses' that allow you to speak to pilots and cabin crew and hopefully gain that same understanding.

Good luck!

I normally have 2 bottles of wine on the flight as soon as they give them out! This normally calms me down and a film. Sorry not the best advice but it works for me to take the edge off. I also concentrate on all the different sounds in the cabin.

A lot of the reason we feel on edge is that the sounds we hear are not sounds we are used to so can send us into a flight or fight response quite easily. I also think of turbulence the same as being on a boat when the water is choppy.

I hate turbulence; what helps me a lot is closing my eyes and imagining I’m sitting in the back seat of a little car driving down a bumpy track/across a field. Or walking through train carriages and having to hold on to the tops of the seats because I’m lurching around so much. Because that’s all it is really, just in the air.

I spent over £800 on this. I LOVED being hypnotised (so calming and relaxing) but it didn't help my fear unfortunately.

Have a look at my AMA on remedial hypnosis - not calm and relaxing, more gang-buster problem solving!!

I wonder if the fear of flying course uses a bit of hypnotherapy. I did it, and can still remember the mantra we learned in the section talking about turbulence (quite a big section iirc). So I would recommend it. (as @bestcatlife said it's "turbulence is uncomfortable but not dangerous"

Anyway, I recommend the course - we all know in our logical mind that flying is safe, but the course worked wonders for me.

@HelenHywater Don't know which course you did but my friend, Howard Cooper, used to lead the Virgin FoF course and he's an excellent hypnotist.

I tried to reframe it in my mind so i imagine I’m in a car going over a bumpy road which has helped me x