How did you finally form new healthy habits? I can’t seem too!

[thas]

I didn’t expect to still be failing so badly at life nearing my 50s. I need to lose 2 stone, regularly exercise, eat healthy food, organise my home etc etc and I just can’t seem to make any progress. Nothing sticks! Anyone been in a dark place and managed to form all the healthy habits? How?!

I'm around your age and have recently come out of a bad mental health episode.

I started with the house. I completely decluttered, sorted DIY jobs, and spring cleaned. I organised along the way, I wasn't well for a while and the place was a disorganised mess.I have found that this has really helped my mental health.

I've slowly begun changing my diet which was awful. At one point I was just heating frozen things in the microwave and putting it in a pitta.

I organised my kitchen food cupboard, bought containers and filled them with things like couscous and other healthy food. I filled the freezer with frozen vegetables and came up with a few easy recipes that I'm adding to.

I also started sorting out personal care, I've booked a regular mani/pedi, am booking a hair appointment etc

At the moment I have some health issues that I'm having investigated but once that's sorted and I've finished the house (have some decorating to do) I'm looking at doing some voluntary work.

I'll also hopefully get back into gentle exercise.

Take it a step at a time, it has a domino effect.

I’m in the same situation as well.
I’ve started slowly (too slowly in my liking). So far I managed to stop eating after 9 pm, only camomile tea. I do slip now and again so far so it’s not consistent but I hope to build up on this. I also resumed exercises for my back. I did them for 2 months, got better and then stopped.
I found that thinking carefully about what’s stoping you is very useful. You identify the barriers.Then you deal with them one at a time.
Also having a table and ticking of things every day helped me with exercises first time, the secret is to start slowly and only put one or 2 things at a time on the list.

I think exercise is a good starting point. Especially if you're in the UK and can take advantage of longer days.

It'll motivate you to drink more water and eat better, and you'll sleep better. Then hopefully have more energy for more things.

Following for inspiration. My plan is to build on things I love doing, I get the most pleasure right now from time with friends, so I try to build healthy habits around that - walk with a friend, or go a class; meet friends for coffee but go for a walk first and order a healthy option. I’m in such a slump with work, travel, commute, that I’m making bad choices. I’m going to start on Saturday …

Make lists and tick off all the good things you manage to do.

It sounds as if you may be a bit disorganised?

Might help if you set yourself a timetable and some goals like

Shop- buy the healthy things (and don't put the 'bad stuff' in your trolley.)
Exercise - walk fast for 30 mins a day or even twice a day.
Pamper- give yourself a treat so you feel better when you achieve something (but not food!)

Plan your daily food and shopping accordingly in advance so you aren't tempted to buy a take away, ready meal etc.

Weight loss is 80% food and 20% exercise.

Cakes, biscuits, crisps, sweets, sugary drinks etc are off the menu completely, other than an occasional treat.

Sounds like you have triggers for overeating and eating the 'wrong' things.
Maybe analyse what sends you to the food and why you're getting off track?

Some good ideas on this thread. I think a lot of us struggle with this OP, so you’re not alone.

For exercise, I think the key is finding something you actually enjoy. It can be anything at all to start with, it really doesn’t matter - walking, aerobics, dancing, cycling, weights, karate.

For ages I didn’t do much exercise and I was constantly beating myself up about what I “should” be doing, reading all these articles about weightlifting and feeling guilty that I wasn’t lifting heavy weights like all these women on social media. I think it’s called “letting perfect be the enemy of the good” - you can’t do the ideal, so you just don’t do anything at all…

Finally I started Pilates because it is the one exercise I’ve always enjoyed. At first I just did one class a week consistently. Then I upped it to two, then three. By that stage I was feeling fitter and more flexible, so I thought well why not try Zumba again (first time in ten years!), and I actually really enjoyed it. And then after a few weeks of that I thought, well why not try a strength class but I’ll just take it really easy.

Three years after that first Pilates class and I now do two cardio classes (usually Zumba or aerobics), two Pilates classes and two strength classes every week. I never thought this would be me and it feels like it happened without me really noticing as the change was so gradual.

I’m 51 and I’ve just joined a gym. I’ve never been to a gym in my life.

I’ve decided to go as often as I can, every other day, but only for half an hour. I’ve bought two pairs of leggings, two gym tops two sports bras and some trainers. I’m walking in the door from work, stripping off, putting on the gym clothes and going straight out again.

I started two weeks ago. I’m not doing anything that is bouncy. When I first went I could do six minutes on the rowing machine before I felt like I was going to die. Now I can do twelve. I only use about five machines because I’m not there long.

My clothes are already looser.

I have decided if I do this for six months through the warmer months where I can just walk in and out quickly without a jumper, with just my keys and a bottle of water it is relatively painless.

Updated OP to say I agree that you need small goals.
Forget about the 2 stone weight loss and make that 1 pound a week (do able.)
Make it easier for yourself by planning a week's meals.

Not sure if you live alone or if you have a partner and family around but are they supportive? It can be hard to focus on yourself if everyone else is wanting pizza and chips every day so it has to be a whole family approach.

Likewise the exercise- instead of joining classes, do something easier like walking 5 days a week of 30-45 mins and time yourself so you pick up the pace and get faster. You can do this anywhere, even in a town, and now it's daylight till 9pm, there's no excuse :)

I hate housework and cleaning. I have found that getting up 30 minutes earlier in the morning I can get a lot done. I am useless at declutterring and again find that 30 minutes is as long as I can be productive and then I get side tracked.
As we are going into summer there is a huge variety of lovely fresh fruits and vegetables. It’s easy to go mad and buy lots then throw half of it out as it’s past it’s best. Just buy 1punnet of fruit and enjoy it. Same with salad vegetables, realistically unless you are very fond of salads we usually buy to much and then get disheartened.
good luck

I can’t recommend the Second Nature app highly enough. It tackles all aspects of health in a sensible manner and informs you with up to date research as to why it’s recommending you:

• eat freshly made meals, low carb, less sugar.
• get plenty of sleep.
• drink plenty of water & reduce caffeinated drinks.
• reduce stress by using CBT, mindfulness & meditation.
• exercise regularly - they introduce you to this with “exercise snacking” eg. Doing heel raises while waiting for the kettle to boil.
• plus other things I’ve probably forgotten!

Obviously, it only works if you follow the advice. There’s an online community comprised of health coaches in the various areas & people following the programme, who all encourage each other.

Some people are referred by their GPs & get it free. Others pay.

Some great advice here already, and I would 100% agree with those who said

• start small and make it achievable
• make it a positive action ie I will do X, not I will NOT do Y

For example, if you want to be more active then you say "I will go for a 10 minute walk around the block every day" or something like that.

Action builds motivation, not the other way round. You just have to pick something and start! Don't get overwhelmed and try to do it all at once.

I operate a policy of 80:20 - I'm 'good' 80% of the time and that's what I aim for rather than perfection. Consistency is far more important than perfection and having the occasional diversion from being 'good' stops all the joy from being sucked out of life.

Habit stacking - as others have mentioned works too. Tracking what you are actually doing (how you spend your time / what you actually put in your mouth) can be revealing (I discovered I treated myself far more often than I thought!) And tracking progress in a meaningful way (ie don't expect to lose two stone in two weeks!)

When I'm trying to develop a new habit, I aim to do it for 5 minutes and gradually build up. I find exercise dull dull dull so now, every half hour or so, I get up from my desk (I WFH) and do 5 minutes stretching or running up the stairs or weight lifting. On an average day, I now do over an hours exercise. It took me a year of gradual increases to get to this point though. Sometimes I never increase - when I wanted to declutter the house and couldn't face a whole chunk of time doing it, I just committed to ten minutes a day and whilst it took several months - I did at least get it done.

I think at least part of it is being honest with yourself - ie I am never going to be a gym bunny. I am never going to only eat healthy food. So given that - what is actually feasible for me to do in relation to healthy habits?

I have managed to lose 1 stone in 10 months.

Not a massive amount but I feel proud and motivated to loose more now !

A few technology things helped me.

Digital Scales that you can connect to an ap on your phone to track progress.

Fit Bit Targets . I prioritise getting in 10, 000 steps a day. Lunch hour or after work. Walking with friends whilst kids at clubs. Walking whilst talking on the phone to someone in the evening.

Instagram - type in weight loss , using dumbells to tone up or whatever you're into.

Use Chat gpt or similar to ask how to loose weight for your age / weight/ own goals.

Do sitting exercises when working if have desk job ot watching TV in the evening.

Drinking less wine has also helped! I get terrible hangovers now so have been less inclined to over do it .

Good luck.. you can definitely do this. It's not about your appearance, it's about gettijg stronger and reducing the risks of all sorts of illnesses.

I have started to use the Habitica app as it gamifies habit forming. I found that Duolingo has given me the good habit of me sticking to learning so wanted something similar for life

If there’s any way you can create peer pressure in a competitive way (eg with friends), habits stick better.

Could it be possible you have ADHD?
When I hit perimenopause, my little quirks, like being forgetful, quite emotional, having difficulty forming good habits, keeping a tidy house and being fairly easily distracted, got much worse. Long story short - my adult son was diagnosed ADHD and autistic and it’s then at the age of 52 that I realised I was ADHD too.

Whether ADHD or not, though, I can really recommend a book by KC Davis called ‘how to keep house while drowning’. It’s changed the way I see housework and helped me create systems that work for me.

I used to be the same as you. Then one day a couple of years ago a friend and I were walking past Waitrose and she took a photo of us and sent it to me. The reflection of myself in the shop window was just horrific. I looked about 3 foot wide and 4 times the size of her. I still don’t know whether she sent it to me without thinking or sent it to me because she was trying to tell me how fat I had become. I couldn’t stop staring at the picture. It was a lightbulb moment.
since then, I’ve lost weight, I drink lots of water and I eat healthy 80% of the time. I try to walk 10,000 steps a day. Yes I could lose more weight but I’m in a much better place than I was.
Good luck with whatever you do. 💐

I highly recommend you read Atomic Habits by James Clear. It's really good at explaining that you don't even have to make small changes, you can make tiny tiny atom sized changes and still get results if you're consistent. It also has lots of ideas for strategies to help you stick with it. I'd get the paperback rather than the ebook as you'll probably find you want to tap in and out of it and that's easier with a hard copy.

One of my favourite ideas from it is 'votes for me'. You don't have to get 100% if the votes to win an election, you just have to get more than the opposition. You don't have to do your new healthy habit 100% of the time either, you just have to do it more often than not, and every time you do it's a vote for you. It sounds trivial but it really counters the ' I failed today so I may as well give up' mentality.

Good luck!

Hey OP ..
It’s not easy , but if you manage to find a healthy diet that you are full on ..
I think that’s the first step ..
Then you can start to exercise, baby steps like PPS have said above , swimming a few times a week if you like that , walking 🤷🏻‍♀️..
With regard to the house , the kids won’t remember you for how good at brushing the floor you were ! , so give yourself a break x x

Baby steps definitely the way to go. At first it was reducing sugar in tea, then buying more fruit and less biscuits. Drinking more water helped fill me up. Then selling stuff on vinted gave me such a buzz I was clearing out and tidying more. Then I started reducing my portions and eventually tackled the couch to 5K app. Had anxiety every week when it increased running time but did it and now on follow up runs.

Something is better than nothing.

Some excellent advice on here @thas !

I think we beat ourselves up too much these days. Don’t forget to be compassionate to yourself too.

There are loads of things I need to do, many on your list as well!

Things that help me are segments of exercise that I enjoy and that I pay for in advance. If I’m relying on getting myself to the gym… forget it. If I’ve signed up for a strength training class… I’m there. Zumba too.

I once read on here that we’d all be a much healthier weight if we aimed for 10 portions of fruit and veg a day instead of 5. So add more of that in.

I now buy more cookery books based around more veg cooking. Latest ones (bought second hand) are Kitchen Prescription by a MC contestant (also a doctor) and one called Root… having eaten in one of their restaurants recently. Their food was epic.

With the price of food these days, you get a lot more veg for your money.

Have you investigated the Marie Kondo theory around de cluttering? The theory has probably been replaced 😁 but it helped me enormously with deciding what to keep and what to throw.

If you panic at the sight of your wardrobe, maybe treat yourself to getting your personal colours and style done? It certainly got rid of about a third of my clothes. It also makes buying new ones easier.

Not read Atomic Habits but will do so. I gather it takes 6 weeks to install a habit. Start small with something you know you can stick to, and as others have said, ADD something into your routine rather than cutting it out.

For me, it was firstly, having a tall glass of water by my bedside table and drinking it first thing in the morning.
I used to gag initially, which moved to downing it in one and now, if I forget to take it to bed, it's still the first thing I do when I get up.

Started skipping, which was 20 skips with tripping, which has now gone up to around 80 skips in one go.

What keeps me going is the thought of being healthy or as healthy as I used to be.

You can do it OP, lots of great advice from PP.